I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! A fairy died.
I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! Another fairy died.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
The prefix “God said” has the extraordinary logical property of converting any
statement that follows it into a true one.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A Jewish Deduction
The Bible dictates that “Thou shalt not seethe [= cook] a kid [= young goat]
in his mother’s milk”. To avoid any possibility of breaking that regulation,
the Jewish tradition ruled that it also applies to female goats, to mature
goats, and to the meat and milk of two completely unrelated goats. It is also
forbidden to eat the meat with fresh milk, and it applies to beef and mutton
as well (including mixing the milk and meat of two different beasts). Finally,
chicken, which are incapable of milk production, may not be eaten along with
any mammal’s milk either.
We are fortunate that most mathematicians were not Jewish. Otherwise, it would
have been forbidden to divide by all numbers between -1 and 1.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I used to be arrogant. Now I’m simply Perfect.
-- One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
If the ancient Greeks had invented UNIX, Murphy’s Law would have been known as
Aristotle’s Law.
Had they invented MS-Windows, Murphy’s Law would have been known as the Law of
Socrates.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Microsoft’s slogan used to be “Microsoft - making it all make sense.”
It should have been: “Microsoft - making it all make sense. *Ours*.”
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Linux - Because Software Problems Should not Cost Money.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Linux Slogan and Banner ( http://www.shlomifish.org/art/linux_banner/ )
%
The American Lottery - all you need is a dollar and a dream. We will take the
dollar, but you can keep the dream.
Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
“Shit Happens” according to the religions of the world (Deltas by Shlomi Fish)
Judaism: God knows you will do shit, does nothing to prevent it, but makes you
take the blame for it anyway.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
“Shit Happens” according to the religions of the world
(Deltas by Shlomi Fish)
Judaism: God is all the shit, all the non-shit and all the intermediate
demi-shits in between.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Let’s interpret the past according to the present and not the present
according to the past.
Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
<<<
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
>>>
— Edsger W. Dijkstra
<<<
Programming Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about stars.
>>>
— Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]
Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: “Even the NSA doesn’t have enough programmers. But it
is not likely that they will have more, and that’s because /Summerschool at
the NSA/ may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s next movie.”
Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: “And as opposed to /I Know What You Did Last Summer/,
it is going to be scary.”
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Objective philosophy is like a pencil sharpener for one’s mind.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Oh! I wish you could see the look on his face! Actually, I would have also
liked to see the look on his face, but just then I woke up from the dream.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
Had I not been already insane, I would have long ago driven myself mad.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“Aside from all that, I planned a political simulator that forecast the two
World Wars after I entered all the relevant data until the year 1000 AD.”
“Do you have a computer at home?”
“Oh, no! At present the program is written on a paper. Don’t ask how much time
it took me to fully eliminate all bugs out of it. But it was great fun!”
-- Shlomi Fish
-- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“Likewise.” Added the interviewer and said: “Your answers were also very…
unusual.”
“Although this description cannot testify on their quality, I take it as a
compliment.”
-- Shlomi Fish
-- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
The government of the Supporter will finance your travel, and you will be able
to leave tomorrow morning. We would like to inform you of the following facts:
we cannot assure your safety during this travel. Furthermore, despite your
long service at the Organisation and your constructive proposal, we cannot
say, wholeheartedly or halfheartedly, that we wish to protect your safety.
Likewise, we cannot guarantee that we would not take actions that may harm
you, indirectly or in a direct manner.
We hope to see you here very soon.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“Okay, I think that I can now return to my country and my village. By the way,
how many forbidden books do you have?”
“Oh,”, one of them said to me, “their number is growing geometrically. When I
checked two weeks ago, their number was 2,148,763. A week ago there were
4,278,109 forbidden writings. Now there must be about 8,600,000 ones.”
“You are wrong.”, I said to him.
“I beg your pardon?”
“There are now exactly 8,517,559 or 8,517,560 forbidden books.”
“Why is it so important?”
“Why, it means that, for the time being, you have 82,440 or 82,441 extra books
which you can read at bedtime if you can’t fall asleep!”
-- Shlomi Fish
-- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“And what is the nature of those activists: Socialists? Communists? Liberals?…
”
“Let’s say, for the sake of simplicity, that they are people of my intellect,
only that as opposed to me they are sane.”
-- Shlomi Fish
-- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
A more experienced programmer does not make less bugs. He just realizes what
went wrong more quickly.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
BTW, for an editor with no replace feature (at least not on Windows 95), no
regular-expression search and replace, no indentation support, no
syntax-highlighting and no macros and scriptability features: MS Notepad is
one hell of an editor!
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Wonderous are the ways of Microsoft ( http://www.shlomifish.org/wonderous.html )
%
Suggested Improvements to the Documentation:
The WYSIWYT project was for a long time fascinated by Microsoft’s tremendous
desire to advance its Internet Explorer web-browser. We saw the fact that they
switched the help systems of the upcoming Windows 98, as well as Microsoft
Visual C++ 5.0, to HTML a major step in advancing our project.
As a complementary step, some of the chief heads of our project suggested that
the Windows’ manuals themselves, as well as all of Microsoft’s ads, will be
designed in HTML and printed after being rendered by IE 4. While this project
is in the preliminary and planning stages, we expect it to acquire a large
momentum soon.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- IRPWUG Announces Project “What you see is what you think” ( http://www.shlomifish.org/wysiwyt.html )
%
If: 1. A is A.
2. A is not not-A.
does it also imply that:
1. B is B.
2. B is not not-B.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I know I’m blond, but I have to colour my hair brown, so people would not
think I’m stupid. Because, like the title of the book says: "You’ve only got
Three Seconds".
Actually, since Amazon sent us two books like that, you’ve only got six
seconds.
-- One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Knuth is not God! It took him two days to build the Roman Empire.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
Knuth is not God! God has already released TeX version 4.0.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
<<<
Shlomi, Have you ever considered taking a Turing test? ;-)
>>>
Sure I did. I sat at one point of an IRC channel, and someone tested me.
Eventually it was discovered that I am a computer, but it turned out the other
side was an Eliza program. Strangely enough, I could not detect that the
latter fact was true.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Hackers-IL message No. 2465 ( http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465 )
%
There is no IGLU Cabal! None of them could pass the Turing test. But strangely
enough a computer program they coded, could.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Hackers-IL message No. 2465 ( http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465 )
%
Knuth is not God! Google is not God! RMS is not God!
God himself said that was the case.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
<<<
Knuth is not God! Typing “God” into Google and pressing “I’m Feeling Lucky”
would not lead you to his homepage.
>>>
Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2084 ("The Great WWW-Wisdom Shootout")
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
Knuth is not God! Unless you confuse him with Dijkstra.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
(I am patenting issuing a TINIC with anything else but the phrase "There is no
IGLU Cabal!". The patent number is kept secret to avoid violating the
copyright of its text)
Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2021
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
C++ supports Object-Oriented Programming, roughly as much as COBOL supports
Functional Programming.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I hope that if it had not been clear before, it isn’t less clear now.
-- One of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturers
%
Jack: Hi, Sophie!
Sophie: Don’t “Hi, Sophie!” me.
Jack: Don’t “Don’t ‘Hi, Sophie!’ me” me!
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
My opinions may seem crazy, but they all make sense. Insane sense, but sense
nonetheless.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#opinions_crazy )
%
<<<
Shlomi, I’m considering naming a corollary of Godwin’s law after you - any
discussion of anything is over when you mention Freecell Solver.
>>>
— Muli Ben-Yehuda on #kernelnewbies (irc.kernelnewbies.org)
<<<
Muli: BTW, I think that any discussion only begins to gain momentum when I
mention Freecell Solver.
>>>
— Shlomi Fish on #offtopic (irc.kernelnewbies.org)
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
There’s no point in keeping an idea to yourself since there’s a 10 to 1 chance
that somebody already has it and will share it before you.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Two apples a day will keep two doctors away.
-- One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
“You are banished! You are banished! You are banished! Hey! I’m just kidding!”
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
[Discussing Foreign Languages Knowledge in the U.S.A]
Ben Collins-Sussman: Tis’ true, unlike Europe, the language doesn’t change
every 100 miles.
Shlomi Fish: And unlike England, the accent does not change every 10 miles.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?
Is he gone?
Is he gone for good?
Is he gone for better?
Is he gone for best?
Is he gone forever?
Will he return?
Who is Christopher Michael Pilato, anyway?
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Adapted from an IRC Monologue
%
<<<
Can anyone draw a plan as to how to teach a computer to laugh? Say we define
laugh as print “LOL”, and define smile as print “:)”. How would a computer
know when to print any of those, and when to operate an Eliza program?
>>>
Judging by IRC or AOL, randomly would do just fine. 😉.
-- Muli Ben-Yehuda
-- Hackers-IL message No. 3,153 ( http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/3513 )
%
In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering, you don’t get credit for
originality. What matters is the final product, not who came up with the idea
for each feature first.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#in_philosophy_as_in_soft_eng )
%
<<<
Unfortunately as other people have mentioned - the HURD is seriously lacking
in developers, especially driver writers. Linux is to blame for most of that.
>>>
KImageShop is seriously lacking in developers, and the GIMP is to blame for
most of that.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Post to the Linux-IL Mailing List ( http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il@cs.huji.ac.il/msg31920.html )
%
He has a high degree of idealism, a high degree of stubbornness, and an even
higher degree of inability to distinguish between the two.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
> Thanks, applied as change #22936.
And thank you for applying this patch. But to be honest, I’m a little
disappointed. I expected it won’t go in so easily and will trigger some
discussion here. But there was none. No typo corrections (“you misspelled
‘floccinaucinihilipilification’”); no flames ("this patch is the worst thing
since non-sliced bread"). Nothing.
Someone should do something about it. This direction is not healthy for p5p.
Seriously.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Post to perl5-porters ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.perl5.porters/92352 )
%
Right now, I think I’ll go to sleep.
nite rindolf
sleep-fu well
mitch: night.
Bye all!
mitch: there are no PDB entries for me sleeping.
mitch: nor do I want any.
haha
(rindolf-sleep INTERACTIVE|NONINTERACTIVE)
mitch: heh
mitch: (plug-in-rindolf-sleep ...
:)
(plug-in-rindolf-sleep 8 HOURS)
-- Contemplating some potential procedural database functions
-- #gimp, GIMPNet
%
a quickie: are ‘adjustments layers’ planned to be implemented
in gimp?
yacoob: at some point in the future, yes.
nomis: dare to estimate how far this future is?
yacoob: no.
yacoob: faster if you contribute.
* nomis waits for the "oh, I cannot program at all".
nomis: faster if he learns how to program, and then
contributes.
:)
rindolf: you wouldn’t like me to contribute, believe me ;)
-- Faster, faster!
-- #gimp, GIMPNet
%
[Commenting in Slashdot after Arnold Schwarzenegger’s decision to use
open-source software in the California government:]
> This is obviously because Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are girly men.
Yeah and what are the offerings of the open-source world? Let’s see:
1. Linus Torvalds - Looks like a dweeb, ergo is a dweeb. How girly is that?
(plus his wife can kick ass better than him) 2. Richard M. Stallman - a hippy.
How girly is that? 3. Eric S. Raymond - a nice looking man with a moustache.
Baby faced, so he looks a bit girly to me. 4. Larry Wall - a cross between
Linus and RMS (i.e: a hippy dweeb) that is even more girly.
So who do we have left? Alan Cox? OK, he’s manly. (huge man, huge facial hair,
etc.) And all the others are so negligible people don’t even know how they
look like.
Note: this comment may have been a bit cruel, so sorry. Don’t take it too
seriously, especially if you’re one of the guys I laughed about. I hold you
all with the greatest respect. Seriously.
Sincerely yours,
Shlomi Fish (who is a quite girly male himself).
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Slashdot Comment ( http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=117863&cid=9962843 )
%
If his programming is anything like his philosophising, he would find ten
imaginary bugs in the "Hello World" program.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Hacker sees bug. Hacker does not want bug. Hacker fixes bug.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Tcl is Lisp on drugs. Using strings instead of S-expressions for closures is
Evil with one of those gigantic E’s you can find at the beginning of chapters.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
*Linus Torvalds:* "95% of Programmers consider themselves in the top 5%".
*Shlomi Fish’s Corollary:* "95% of Programmers consider 95% of the code they
did not write, in the bottom 5%."
(The other 5% have read ["Joel on
Software"](https://www.joelonsoftware.com/).)
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Linuxgrrl: well The Gilmore Girls is also a drama. Sort of a
dramedie, but a serious one.
Meh.
Too girly for me.
Linuxgrrl: you are a girl.
Linuxgrrl: let me guess - you’re using Debian or Gentoo,
right?
Gentoo.
Linuxgrrl: knew it.
Linuxgrrl: no self-respecting tomboy would use Mandrake.
-- Too Girly
-- #linuxchics, OFTC
%
C++ is complex, complexifying and complexified.
(With apologies to the Oxford English Dictionary).
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I’m siicckk of blogging memes.
You are this file type.
You are that type of cloth.
You are this member of the Friends show
jkauffman: LOL.
"January 4th, 2005: Just took an online quiz and it turns
out I’m a Joey type"
-- Shlomi Fish (rindolf) and jkauffman
-- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
rindolf: you are seriously the craziest fucker I know
and I know some crazy ass people
haha
tyler-: I am crazy. And proud of it.
rindolf: you should be
haha
Ahh man
tyler-: being crazy is hard work. I worked all my life to be
crazy.
Normal people aren’t fun.
tyler-: "Craziness is not an action. It’s a process."
heh
rindolf: I see
You need to tend to your insanity.
tyler-: do you want to be crazy?
rindolf: that’s why I feed my leprechaun at least once a day.
tyler-: I can teach you everything I know.
-- Becoming Crazy
-- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
mofino: I have some money, and am living and am supported by
my parents.
mofino: there’s much less of a taboo against living with
one’s parents after school in Israel, than there is in the
States.
It’s not taboo
It’s pathetic.
Although, sometimes life sucks, and you have no choice.
you know, it depends
if you’re not married and / or not getting any, it doesn’t
much matter if you live with your folks
ender, usually when you have self-respect, you try and you
know, make it on your own
q[ender]: are you married and not getting any? You could live
with your parents.
hahaha
haha
awesome
rindolf++ # good burn!
-- Living with your parents
-- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
:)-<
+--
-- Moses the Smiley by Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Moses the Smiley ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#moses_the_smiley )
%
The first phrase that should be taught when teaching a new language is how to
say “Do you speak English?”.
The first thing that needs to be taught when teaching a new computer tool is
how to exit it.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
<<<
He who re-invents the wheel, will understand much better how a wheel works.
He who re-invents the wheel, may actually invent a much better wheel.
>>>
Shlomi Fish
<<<
He who re-invents the wheel will likely design a square wheel and spend a year
trying to figure out why it doesn’t work properly.
>>>
Nadav Har’El
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Sometimes you don’t need to be familiar with a better alternative to know that
something sucks. Take Microsoft Word for example.
-- Shlomi Fish’s Friend
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
The difference between a good student and a bad student is that a bad student
forgets the material five minutes before the test, while a good student five
minutes afterwards.
-- One of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturer
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Real programmers don’t write workarounds. They tell their users to upgrade
their software.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Jewish Atheists are the only true Atheists. They beat the hell out of Goy
Atheists.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
ajs: perhaps Chuck Norris would be a useful addition to the
Pugs and Parrot teams.
rindolf: If Norris can write, give him a commit bit, and
tie him to a keyboard ;)
I thought he already had commit
Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN
server’s head
* FurnaceBoy chuckles
daxim: If you can get that to pass the test suite, then
more power to you!
Chuck *is* the test suite
Chuck Norris does not code, when he sits at a computer, it
just does whatever he wants.
Kattana: :-)
ah, we’re easy to amuse
Be the test suite, Chuck... BE the test suite.
you gotta pass ‘make chuck’
-- Chuck Norris Perlsixifies at Freenode’s #perl6 channel.
-- #perl6, Freenode
%
“You know:”, the physicist said, “in my opinion since you left the
Organisation you acted without thinking a lot before you did things. I would
describe your behaviour as deriving from spontaneousness and fickle‐mindedness
that border rashness. Do you also think so?”
“Of course!” I replied, “Except for arrogance, rashness is my only defect!”
-- Shlomi Fish
-- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
The current solution offered by Nvidia may be the second-best solution. But
this is one case where the second best solution is not good enough.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Nvidia Petition ( http://www.petitiononline.com/nvfoss/petition.html )
%
If it isn’t in my email, it doesn’t exist.
And if the whole world says one thing and my email says something different,
email will conquer.
-- an Israeli Linuxer.
-- An Israeli Linuxer
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Hi CSWookie
CSWookie: aren’t you also on Freenode?
rindolf: What’s up.
rindolf: I am.
CSWookie: I’m fine.
CSWookie: you are a Buffy fan right?
rindolf: I am. Although really, more a Willow fan. Nothing
hotter than red-headed Jewesses that are scared of boys.
-- CSWookie on Willow
-- #gimp, GIMPNet
%
Hi all! How can I tell Flash in FF to play using artsd? It
keeps trying to invoke esd. I’m on Mandriva 2007.
the REAL question is, what the fuck is taking adobe so long
with flash 9 :@
rindolf: you might have to set that with firefox’ settings.
or, do what good people do and use opera.
:P
* rindolf slaps vexati0n
vexati0n: I’m not using Opera. Period.
I don’t like it and it’s not FOSS.
god, it’s like opera is anathema just cause people can’t look
at its code or something.
like YOU are going to tinker with your browser’s source code
anyway
vexati0n: actually, I did that for Firefox.
vexati0n: I have a bug pending on bugzilla.mozilla.org.
vexati0n: nah, nah, nah, nah
well, you wouldn’t have to do it with opera because it
already works :P
vexati0n: I hate the fact that it resizes images.
vexati0n: it causes the images to be too large.
vexati0n: now tell me how do I fix that.
opera resizes images? o.O
do you have a page it screws up so i can look?
vexati0n: when I press Ctrl++ and Ctrl+-
oh. You mean it doesn’t just increase the size of the text.
vexati0n: take http://www.shlomifish.org/art/ for example.
vexati0n: yes.
-- When Closed-source bites
-- ##linux, Freenode
%
The bad thing about hardware is that it sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t.
The good thing about software is that it’s consistent: it always does not
work, and it always does not work in exactly the same way.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Kev: thanks.
Kev: did you post it on the French page?
not yet
Kev: you need to create an account first. But it’s easy.
It’s a MediaWiki based wiki.
arghhhhhhhhhhhh
Kev: what’s wrong?
Maybe MediaWiki wronged him in some way!
wiki
Just be thankful it isn’t a blog!
Kev: what’s wrong with wikis?
And be extra thankful it’s not MySpace.
Mt. Allison [University] is now paying 5 students to maintain
a "life as a Mt. A student" blog
-- Welcome to Web 2.0
-- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
Well I’m confused and I’m going home
Later guys
And girl.
Young tender girl ...
sweet 16 year old girl ....
haha
mofino: heh.
* mofino puts away his lynching pedo personality
;)
lates
* ChanServ gives channel operator status to jagerman
<-- jagerman has kicked mofino from #perlcafe (Leave already :P)
* jagerman removes channel operator status from jagerman
We have found pedobear and he is mofino
--> mofino has joined #perlcafe
can you like not do that as I’m picking up my keys?
you fagerman
fagerman, homofino, what’s next?
I know - q[tyler-]
OTOH, I’ve been called Slimy Fish lately.
rindolf: The *real* Slimy Fish?
avar: the one and only 100% original real actual and unmatched
Slimy Fish™!
I’m the real Slimy, yes I’m the real Slimy, if you’re the real
Slimy and not just a Slimy. So will the real Slimy please
stand up, please stand up...
* jagerman is ashamed for actually knowing those lyrics
sing it Jew boy:)
-- Unflattering Nicknames
-- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
CSWookie: tried Christian Ubuntu yet? ;-)
LOL.
Oh dear, you weren’t joking.
goldfish: no, I was.
hah
"Ubuntu Christian Edition is a free, open source operating
system geared towards Christians. It is based on the popular
Ubuntu Linux. Ubuntu is a complete Linux-based operating
system, freely available with both community and professional
support."
i might try it soon
right now we are using plain dapper at my church
moldy: hah
is this that funny? :p
:)
http://christianubuntu.blogspot.com/
hehe
For 40 days before Easter, Ubuntu Christian Edition works in
text mode only.
haha
That’s brilliant :)
There’s also a Jewbuntu blog, but it’s not as funny as this
Christian Ubuntu blog.
true
That sounds about right -- Jesus might have preferred
Jewbuntu since he was a Jew. Then again, Jesus was also a
dedicated idealist, so he might have chosen Debian instead of
Ubuntu. :-P
hehehe
why has Ubuntu become the distro of puns?
has it? there are puns for other distros, too
Jesus came from long long ago. I bet he runs Debian stable.
:)
-- Ubuntu for Christians
-- #vim, Freenode
%
On Sunday 01 April 2007, chromatic wrote:
<<<
On Saturday 31 March 2007 15:26, Yuval Kogman wrote:
<<<
uses_version_control sounds more like lacks_manifest_skip_file which should
deduct kwalitee IMHO.
>>>
Maybe so, but how else can CPANTS detect that you use the world’s most
advanced version control system: CVS?
>>>
Are you kidding?
CVS is not advanced as:
1. Microsoft Visual SourceSafe - the only sane choice for good data integrity
and portability.
2. tarballs/zip-files and patches. This one excels in convenience, and
robustness.
CVS is a very advanced version control system, however. I do wish that
Subversion (which is a VCS that I have to use against my will) was as good as
it is.
( Shlomi Fish answering to chromatic on 01-April-2007 )
-- Shlomi Fish
-- "Re: New CPANTS metrics" ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.qa/2007/03/msg8491.html )
%
* Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.
* Larry Wall gets the colon.
* There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.
* Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.
* Larry Wall dreams in Perl.
* Larry Wall can program in his sleep.
* Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.
* Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.
-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Larry-Wall/ )
%
Electrical Engineering studies. In the Technion. Been there. Done that. Forgot
a lot. Remember too much.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Well, for the record, *I* am without faults, but I’ll mention them here
anyway:
1. I really hate scriptaculous
2. I kicked a dog the other day
3. I pushed an old lady aside, on my way to get a cup of free coffee
4. I secretly program in Python
5. I like to interject and make lists
-- Jeff Anderson
-- Post to London Perl Mongers ( http://london.pm.org/pipermail/london.pm/Week-of-Mon-20070402/007215.html )
%
I’m not an actor - I just play one on T.V.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
You know for when they finally decide to release that
programatic abortion they call perl 6
anonuser: on Christmas.
anonuser: don’t know which one.
anonuser: you can download pugs and play with it.
rindolf, The running joke I have with friends is that Duke
Nukem Forever (DNF) is being written in Perl6
anonuser: it’s an old joke.
rindolf, DNF and Perl6 together is an old joke?
anonuser: yeah.
anonuser: “Perl 6 is the language Duke Nukem Forever will
be written in.”
Well, it’s not too old, but it’s a meme.
rindolf: I’m the guy who’s going to port DNF from GNU/Hurd
to FreeBSD
-- Discussing Vapourware
-- ##freebsd, Freenode
%
Trying to block Internet pornography is like climbing a waterfall and trying
to stay dry.
— Drew Dexter
-- Drew Dexter
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I’m not straight - I’m Israeli.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Hi Omer! Mazal Tov on Chen and yours marriage. It reminds me of a quote from
Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre:
"At this period she married, removed with her husband (a clergyman, an
excellent man, *almost worthy of such a wife*) to a distant county, and
consequently was lost to me."
Well, in your case I can say that both of you are almost worthy of each other.
Congrats again!
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Comment on Omer Shapira’s Blog ( http://omerm.livejournal.com/36505.html?thread=43673#t43673 )
%
<<<
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
>>>
It does not mean what I think it means, but it means what *you* think it
means.
Muahahahah…
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Post to Linux-elitists ( http://allium.zgp.org/pipermail/linux-elitists/2007-April/011935.html )
%
A few weeks ago, I’ve been to Freenode’s #perl, talking to merlyn and other
guys, when we got to discuss the Biblical "Tower of Babel Myth". As it turned
out, the commonly perceived interpretation was not the one most scholars find
as more sensible, which is the one we ended up being taught at Junior High
School.
What most people think is something like that:
<<<
The people spoke to each other in the same language, concentrated in one
place, and decided to build a tower high enough so they can reach God. God, a
small dwarf who lived in the sky, was afraid of the efforts of these people,
because he feared they’ll reach him. So he cast an 8th level Spell of Language
Fragmentation, caused these people to speak in different tongues, and without
being able to understand each other, they ended up spreading across the Earth.
God was relieved and returned to his dwarfish deeds, as dwarfs do.
>>>
Shlomi Fish in (Based on what his Bible teacher said)
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Blog Post ( http://shlomif.livejournal.com/11889.html )
%
shlomif * r1712 gegl/ (ChangeLog docs/index-static.html.in):
* docs/index-static.html.in: fixed "GEGLs" into "GEGL’s" and
"GIMPs"
into "GIMP’s" in the homepage.
why is breaking the correct writing a fix?
rindolf: ?
rindolf: oh i misread :)
* rindolf gives some GEGLs and GIMPs to the mitches.
haha :)
One GEGL each!
There’s not enough for everybody.
GEGLS FOR THE MASSES
We should have an assembly line of GEGLs.
Mass-produce them for the ever-growing demand.
-- One GEGL Per Child on GIMPNet’s #gimp channel
-- #gimp, GIMPNet
%
rindolf: my brother had AIMA in hard-cover.. and maybe I can
get a hold of PAIP
s/had/has/;
* adeht yays for perl
adeht: what did perl do?
s/had/has/;
adeht: it’s actually from sed and ed before that.
I know, but I’m using perl syntax :)
adeht: now write it in Lisp.
heh.
in Lisp you wouldn’t use a regex for this kind of dumb
substitution.. though you could
rindolf: a nice way of writing CL code is to imagine your
dream language for expressing that particular problem, and
then realizing it :)
You probably wouldn’t use a regex in Python either.
adeht: I see.
adeht: I’m not going to implement Perl in Common Lisp. :-D
heh
-- Dream Language in Freenode’s #lisp-il
-- #lisp-il, Freenode
%
<<<
This reminds me of Paul Graham’s articles, in which he claims that LISP
programmers are better. But why is it so (whether or not you agree to the
conclusion)? There are at least two opposite reasons: 1. Because programmers
that learned LISP become better 2. Because good programmers prefer LISP when
they come to know it.
>>>
No. 1 is true, naturally. No. 2 is not true - I know LISP but I prefer Perl.
Others like Python, etc. The reasons I don’t prefer LISP are:
1. The standards of Common LISP and Scheme don’t define anything practical.
2. LISP is at the moment incredibly verbose.
3. As Larry Wall noted, all LISP code comes in parenthesis and so it all looks
the same. (Perl is the exact opposite in this regard).
4. I cannot make heads nor tails of serious LISP code. Many LISPers create so
many macros and use them along with regular LISP code, so you keep having to
refer to the previous definitions, and make a lot of research to get you
started.
SICP Scheme is easy and fun. But serious LISP code can take too much time to
understand. OTOH, recently I had little problem reading the source code of
other Perl programmers, and extending it or fixing bugs. (likewise for
Python).
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Post to Linux-IL ( http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il%40cs.huji.ac.il/msg39629.html )
%
We don’t know his cellphone number, and even if we did, we would tell you that
we didn’t know it.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
plis tak mi auot from yuor mail list.
-- This Engrew sentence contains very few errors.
-- Anonymous Israeli
-- Message sent to Shlomi Fish
%
What do you mean by "WDYM"?
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Chen Shapira: spent 5 hours yesterday trying to get Windows to print on my new
wireless printer. It still doesn’t work. On Ubuntu it worked after few
minutes.
Shlomi Fish: Heh. Linux++ .
Chen Shapira: I’d do Windows-- , but this may result in an integer underflow.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A few days ago I joined #mandriva on Freenode trying to get to the bottom of a
problem I have with KMail at work, where I cannot start KAddressBook from
inside it. I asked my question and soon afterwards received:
* One Thunderbird recommendation.
* Two Evolution recommendations.
* One Sylpheed Claws recommendation.
* One GMail recommendation.
The problem is that I wasn’t interested to learn about alternative E-mail
clients, and just wanted to get my problem solved. And in GMail’s case it was
completely out of the question due to my work’s constraints.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- The "Use qmail instead" Syndrome ( http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/computers/web/use-qmail-instead/ )
%
I recently had to figure out how to do something with wget: get everything
below a directory on the web-server, without following links to outside it. So
I logged in to Freenode’s #debian channel, where there are many knowledgeable
people to ask it. The first answer I got was "RTFM". So, I read the wget man
page, but could not find it there. Eventually, after telling people that it
would be faster to give an answer, I got a reply ( add the -np -r flags). But
this has been the last straw.
I composed my own acronym. Just like RTFM is "Read the Fabulous Manual" and
STFW is "Search the Fabulous Web", then JATFM is "Just Answer the Fabulous
Man". It means that it’s usually faster to answer someone’s question than to
ask him to RTFM, which is just going to annoy him. I think the RTFM mantra has
done a lot of damage in the UNIX/Linux world, and I hope JATFMing would prove
to be a more healthy ideology.
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Advogato.org Journal Post ( http://www.advogato.org/person/shlomif/diary.html?start=215 )
%
*A:* I’m busy right now - I have to do TWAIN.
*B:* Do Shania Twain?
*C:* Oh, I’d love to do Shania Twain.
—Adapted from a conversation on Freenode’s #perl
-- Freenode #perl Participants
-- Adaptation of an IRC conversation
%
--> spx2 has joined #soc-help
I want to FIGHT FOR PERL IN GSOC !
I feel the power of metal in my veins
perl is flowing in my blood !
What perl Armies can I join this YEAR ?
spx2: a lot :)
ambs: Hail BRETHREN !
where are the armies ???
I want to ENGAGE and start preparing my weapons !
ambs: what projects are this year ?
spx2: ideas at
http://www.perlfoundation.org/perl5/index.cgi?gsoc2008_projects
I will fight this year in the PERL battle !
spx2: Python is for the WEAK and TIMID!
rindolf: TOTALLY !
* spx2 examines the war grounds
-- Fight for Perl
-- #soc-help, MAGNet
%
<<<
So, yeah… there are no gods, only heroes. And anyone can become a hero. And
even heroes are just regular people.
>>>
I don’t suppose we should propose that as an alternative to Perl gods, there
should at least be Perl saints:
[http://www.stallman.org/saint.html](http://www.stallman.org/saint.html)
Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply. Using nothing but
Perl? (Including not C in which perl 5 is written?)
Oh well.
Not that I mind the Perl gods stereotype stuff.
Regards,
Shlomi Fish (a Perl saint^W hero wannabe, but definitely not a Perl god)
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Post to to San-Francisco Perl Mongers Mailing List ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001644.html )
%
<<<
<<<
<<<
Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
>>>
It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
>>>
Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?
>>>
No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition. 😉
-- Shlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter
-- San-Francisco Perl Mongers Thread ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001650.html )
%
<<<
<<<
<<<
<<<
Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
>>>
It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
>>>
Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?
>>>
No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition 😉.
>>>
I almost feel honor bound now to start a noise band called The Randal Schwartz
Condition. I could shout his rants into a microphone while the rest of the
band flogged a newbie live on stage.
-- Duane Obrien
-- San-Francisco Perl Mongers Thread ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001651.html )
%
Duane Obrien writes:
<<<
Alternately, The Randal Schwartz Condition is now accepting bookings for
birthdays, weddings, religious ceremonies of any kind, or occasions where your
consulting company throws a big party at some conference. Email me off-list
for details on how to get advance copies of our demo “I’m The Real Tim Toady”
>>>
I’m already thinking of words to the “tune” of “I’m the real Slim Shady”.
Damn you. 😊
-- Duane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz
-- San-Francisco Perl Mongers Thread ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001655.html )
%
<<<
<<<
In that case, lacking good links or a definitive reference text, I’ll have to
ignore your comment earlier.
I hope it’s not much of a flamewar so far, but it sure seems to have escalated
into a minor one. “You are a Nazi!” ( [Godwin‘s
law](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin’s_law) ) - oops!
>>>
Please. The Nazi’s were socialists. I’m a little to the right of Attila the
Hun.
>>>
And I thought Attila was a Humanitarian.
-- Shlomi Fish and Guy Hulbert
-- Post to the Perl module-authors mailing list ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.module-authors/2008/04/msg6432.html )
%
I often wonder why I keep hanging with so many people, even though they are so
pedantic. And then I remember - because they are so pedantic.
— an Israeli Perl Monger
-- Israeli Perl Monger
-- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
p13: do you write scripts?
rindolf, init scripts and sys maintenance scripts in csh sh
and bash
but i suck
haha
i made them SO unreadable on purpose too
my var names for example
i would use random quotes from coworkers
like "wereoutofcoffee"
or "ihatemyjob"
etc etc
i hate people like you p13
trashguy, hahaha
at least the variables are obvious and not mistaken for
functions and shit
i strongly recommend to call variables only: var1, var2, var3
... var999
but for purpose of clarity, after var999 continue with varB1,
varB2,...
elgrande: i strongly recommend to call variables
only: var1, var2, var3 ... var999 - excellent advice.
elgrande: LOL.
rindolf: and of course: cls1, func1, meth1, if1
so if var3 > var2 then var1 = cls3->meth2 endif
elgrande: heh.
obj997
everyone is understand this!
elgrande: I'll probably make a fortune cookie out of it.
obj997 behaves like this, because it implements if371
^^
elgrande: you're still going.
-- Variable Naming
-- #not-##freebsd, Freenode
%
A: You Linux kids are so lucky. When we were using Windows 95 and Windows 3.11
it kept getting stuck and we lost all our data. We had to reboot it.
B: You used Windows 95! Lucky Bastard! When I was your age, we used DOS on CGA
screens, and we were lucky if we had 4 colours, much less a true windowing
environment.
C: You had DOS with graphics? Lucky bastard! When I was your age, I used
VT-100 terminals connected to a VAX. 128 characters should be enough for
everybody?
D: Visual Terminals? When I was your age, we used teletypes on a PDP-11: the
computer printed on paper - very slowly. Can you imagine cat’ing a really long
document?
E: Teletypes were heaven compared to the punch cards that I was using. Imagine
going over to the computer with a large amount of punch cards and then
dropping them all.
F: Punch cards! What is this talk about punch cards? We input machine code
directly using buttons and LEDs.
G: And all *we* had were NAND gates!
-- Shlomi Fish
-- Email Message
%
Hi all.
Hi rindolf
scorchsaber: heh.
scorchsaber++
Or in Python:
scorchsaber+=1
??
rillo: Python does not have a ++ operator.
rindolf: Oh, but it does have a + operator.
ah. I’m new to python so i did not know
A few days ago, it was suggested that I implement ++ using
the + operator.
And I did so. :)
So, really, a++; is valid in Python, and it may even
increment a by one. If somebody was crazy, anyhow, and if
a was mutable.
shall i move back to perl to get the ++
?