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Shlomi Fish and Friends’ Additions to the Chuck Norris/etc. Facts [possible satire]
About
Additions to the collections of Factoids about people and things (e.g: Chuck Norris) in Unix fortune format.
( Note: on chat services, I tend to use the nicknames "rindolf" or "shlomif". )
Table of Contents
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #1
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #2
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #3
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #4
- Kattana's Chuck Norris Fact #5
- Daxim's Chuck Norris Fact #6
- Su-Shee's Chuck Norris Fact #7
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #8
- Araujo's Chuck Norris Fact #9
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #10
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #11
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #12
- joeyadams's Chuck Norris Fact #13
- joeyadams's Chuck Norris Fact #14
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #15
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #16
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #17
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #18
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #19
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #20
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #21
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #22
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #23
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #24
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #25
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #26
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #27
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #28
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #29
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #30
- Dov and Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #31
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #32
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #33
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #34
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #35
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #36
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #37
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #38
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #39
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #40
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #41
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #42
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #43
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #44
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #45
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #46
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #47
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #48
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #49
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #50
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #51
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #52
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #53
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #54
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #55
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #56
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #57
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #58
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #59
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #60
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #61
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #62
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #63
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #64
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #65
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #66
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #67
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #68
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #69
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #70
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #71
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #72
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #73
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #74
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #75
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #76
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #77
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #78
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #79
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #80
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #81
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #82
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #83
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #84
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #85
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #86
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #87
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #88
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #89
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #90
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #91
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #92
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #93
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #94
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #95
- sevvie’s Chuck Norris Fact #96
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #97
- sevvie’s Chuck Norris Fact #98
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #99
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #100
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #101
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #102
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #103
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #104
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #105
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #106
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #107
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #108
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #109
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #110
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #111
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #112
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #113
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #114
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #115
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #116
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #117
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #118
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #119
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #120
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #121
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #122
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #123
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #124
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #125
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #126
- Philip Schroeder’s Chuck Norris Fact #127
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #128
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #129
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #130
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #131
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #132
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #133
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #134
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #135
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #136
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #137
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #138
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #139
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #140
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #141
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #142
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #143
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #144
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #145
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #146
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #147
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #148
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #149
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #150
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #151
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #152
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #153
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #154
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #155
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #156
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #157
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #158
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #159
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #160
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #161
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #162
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #163
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #164
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #165
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #166
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #167
- Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #168
- In Soviet Russia #1
- In Soviet Russia #2
- In Soviet Russia #3
- In Soviet Russia #4
- In Soviet Russia #5
- In Soviet Russia #6
- In Soviet Russia #7
- Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #1
- Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #2
- Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #3
- Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #4
- Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #5
- Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #6
- Shlomi Fish’s Clarissa Darling Fact #1
- Shlomi Fish’s Clarissa Darling Fact #2
- Shlomi Fish’s Clarissa Darling Fact #3
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #1
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #2
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #3
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #4
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #5
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #6
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #8
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #9
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #10
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #11
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #12
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #13
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #14
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #15
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #16
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #17
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #18
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #19
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #20
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #21
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #22
- Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #23
- Larry Wall Facts
- Larry Wall Facts No. 2
- Larry Wall Facts No. 3
- Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #1
- Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #2
- Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #3
- Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #4
- Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #5
- Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #6
- Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #7
- Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #8
- Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #9
- Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #10
- Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #11
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #1
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #2
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #3
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #4
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #5
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #6
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #7
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #8
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #9
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #10
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #11
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #12
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #13
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #14
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #15
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #16
- Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #17
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #1
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #2
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #3
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #4
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #5
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #6
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #7
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #8
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #9
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #10
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #11
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #12
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #13
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #14
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #15
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #16
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #17
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #18
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #19
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #20
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #21
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #22
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #23
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #24
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #25
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #26
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #27
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #28
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #29
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #30
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #31
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #32
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #33
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #34
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #35
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #36
- Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #37
- Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #1
- Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #2
- Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #3
- Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #4
- Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #5
- Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #6
- Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #7
- Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #8
- Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #9
- Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #10
- Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #11
- Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #1
- Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #2
- Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #3
- Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #4
- Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #5
- Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #6
- Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #7
- Trashlord’s Windows Update Fact #8
- Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #9
- Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #10
- Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #11
- Shlomi Fish’s Xena the Warrior Princess Fact #1
- Shlomi Fish’s Xena the Warrior Princess Fact #2
- Shlomi Fish’s Xena the Warrior Princess Fact #3
- Shlomi Fish’s Xena the Warrior Princess Fact #4
- Shlomi Fish’s Xena the Warrior Princess Fact #5
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #1
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #2
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #3
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #4
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #5
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #6
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #7
- Zuu's "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #8
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #9
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #10
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #11
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #12
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #13
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #14
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #15
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #16
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #17
- Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #18
The Fortunes Themselves
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #1
Chuck Norris wrote a complete Perl 6 implementation in a day, but then destroyed all evidence with his bare hands, so no-one will know his secrets.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #2
Chuck Norris refactors 10 million lines of Perl code before lunch.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #3
Chuck Norris is his own boss. If you hire him, he'll tell your boss what to do.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #4
Chuck Norris read the entire English Wikipedia in 24 hours. Twice.
( Actually, he wrote it in 24 hours. Twice. The first time longhand in blood. The second time he typed it in from memory (by Drew Roberts). )
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Kattana's Chuck Norris Fact #5
Chuck Norris does not code; when he sits at a computer, it just does whatever he wants. (By: Kattana.)
| Author | Kattana |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Daxim's Chuck Norris Fact #6
Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN server's head.
| Author | Daxim |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Su-Shee's Chuck Norris Fact #7
Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes. (Su-Shee)
He corrects God. (Shlomi Fish)
| Author | Su-Shee and Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #8
Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire Debian GNU/Linux distribution. And he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack breaks.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Araujo's Chuck Norris Fact #9
Chuck Norris doesn't commit changes, the changes commit for him.
| Author | Araujo |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #10
Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris' computer. As a result, when he uses Microsoft Windows, it behaves just like a Linux system.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #11
Chuck Norris is a real programmer. He writes programs by implementing the most optimised machines for them using real atoms.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #12
Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles that they consider lame.
Chuck Norris deletes Deletionists whom he considers lame.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
joeyadams's Chuck Norris Fact #13
There are no deletionists. Only Wikipedia articles Chuck Norris allows to live. (By: joeyadams)
| Author | joeyadams |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
joeyadams's Chuck Norris Fact #14
Wikipedia deletionists don't delete lame Wikipedia articles. Chuck Norris deletes lame Wikipedia articles.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #15
No one knows all of Perl - not even Larry Wall. Except Chuck Norris, who knows all of Perl 5, Perl 6 and can answer questions about the design of Perl 7.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #16
Chuck Norris reads all messages posted to LKML (= the Linux Kernel Mailing List), understands them all, and he kills all gnomes he sees in sight.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #17
When Chuck Norris uses Gentoo, "emerge kde" finishes in under a minute. A computer cannot afford to keep Chuck waiting for too long.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #18
Chuck Norris is the greatest man in history. He killed all the great men who could ever pose a competition.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #19
"My only boss is God. And Chuck Norris who is his boss."
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #20
Chuck Norris can make the statement "This statement is false." a true one.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-11-19 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #21
Chuck Norris can end world hunger, but he thinks that hungry people make humanity a more challenging adversary. If everyone had enough to eat, it would be too easy for him.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2011-04-03 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #22
Chuck Norris can read Perl code that was RSA encrypted.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2011-04-03 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #23
Chuck Norris once wrote a 10 million lines C++ program in Microsoft Notepad without having to use the backspace key. And it compiled without errors or warnings, and was 100% bug-free.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2011-04-03 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #24
If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will go to the mountain. If the mountain will not come to Chuck Norris, then the mountain will suffer Norris’s wrath for not complying with his whims.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-03-23 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #25
Chuck Norris has 0 messages in his E-mail inbox. Including already read ones.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-05-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #26
Chuck Norris was never a newbie! He will kill anyone who implies otherwise. In a very not newbie-like manner.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-07-12 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #27
Only perl and Chuck Norris can parse Perl.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-07-12 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #28
All Chuck Norris has to do is *look* at Perl code and it interprets itself out of fear and respect.
| Author | DrForr |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-07-12 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #29
Chuck Norris taught God how to create the universe.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-07-12 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #30
Chuck Norris is the reason why the Knights who until Recently Said “Ni”, are no longer saying “Ni”.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-08-16 |
Dov and Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #31
Chuck Norris is not afraid of superstitions. Superstitions are afraid of Chuck Norris.
| Author | Dov and Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-09-03 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #32
Chuck Norris does expect the Spanish Inquisition.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-09-16 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #33
The Spanish Inquisition does not expect Chuck Norris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-09-16 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #34
A wood chuck can’t chuck wood. Chuck Norris can chuck wood chucks.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-11-30 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #35
If Chuck Norris asks you “What's up?” and you answer it literally, then he will club you senseless with all the volumes of the Oxford English Dictionary, and all the servers hosting en.wiktionary.org, to teach you a lesson.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-11-30 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #36
Chuck Norris helps the gods that help themselves.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #37
If Chuck Norris had been born before World War II, there would have been only one world war. However, there would have been three large-scale Chuck Norris massacres of Nazis and Communists.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #38
If the mountain does not come to Muhammad, then Chuck Norris will bring the mountain over.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #39
An apple a day will keep Chuck Norris away. But not for long.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #40
Reality to be conquered must be obeyed. You’d better obey Chuck Norris or he’ll conquer you.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #41
Chuck Norris had a problem so he decided to use regular expressions. Now, all the World’s problems are solved.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #42
A is A and A is not not-A — unless Chuck Norris says so.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #43
Chuck Norris can make East and West meet.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #44
When Chuck Norris orders Pizza, it arrives before he presses the OK button.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #45
Chuck Norris does not need to heat up food. The food is already warm right after he took it out of the fridge.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #46
Chuck’s idea of a short walk is to the Andromeda Galaxy and back.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #47
Chuck Norris hasn't taken these facts down yet, so they must be true.
| Author | Cantide |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #48
For every A, Chuck Norris is both A and not-A. Chuck Norris is fucking everything.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #49
Tomorrow never dies, unless Chuck Norris volunteers to take it out of its misery
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #50
God created the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th. Chuck Norris created the world in one day, and has been incrementally destroying it every day since, without rest.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #51
Chuck Norris is always right. Even if he says that “A is not-A”, he would be right, because Logic is subject to his whims.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #52
Chuck Norris does not own a dishwasher. His dishes know better than to become dirty.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #53
The Angel of Death cannot keep up with Chuck Norris’s throughput of killing.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-05-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #54
Computers are useless because they can only give you answers. Chuck Norris is not useless, because he knows the questions which these answers belong to.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-05-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #55
Chuck Norris is Vito Corleone’s godfather.
| Author | ZadYree |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-05-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #56
Chuck Norris will kill everyone who has not read these factoids. Slowly and painfully.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-05-05 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #57
Chuck Norris could have built the Roman Empire in a day. And it would have taken him even less time to destroy it.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-05-16 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #58
Chuck Norris once counted all the real numbers on his fingers.
| Author | ZadYree |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-06-23 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #59
Only two things are infinite: the universe, and Chuck Norris’s destruction ability. And we cannot be sure about the former thanks to the latter.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-06-23 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #60
Chuck Norris knows who John Galt is.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-07-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #61
Chuck Norris won the Nobel Peace Prize. For making millions of people rest in peace.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-08-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #62
When Chuck Norris uses git, he takes a coffee break after initiating every git commit. And then he waits for the commit to finish.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-09-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #63
God is Chuck Norris, for extremely large values of God.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-09-19 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #64
Chuck Norris can become root on OpenBSD. By using nothing but /bin/echo.
| Author | ZadYree and Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-09-20 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #65
Chuck Norris is the reason why OpenBSD is called OpenBSD. They wanted to call it LockedDownBSD but couldn't find a way to keep Chuck Norris out!
| Author | Andrew Brehm |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-09-22 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #66
For all you know, you may not exist, and Chuck Norris convinced you that you do.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-09-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #67
Chuck Norris wrote an interpreter for a Turing-complete language using only NOPs.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-10-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #68
Chuck Norris does not keep any numbers on his mobile phone’s address book. Instead, he memorised the entire phone directory.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-10-12 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #69
When Chuck Norris drops a cat, it falls on its back so it won’t lose eye contact with Chuck.
Corollary: If Chuck Norris had dropped his toasts, they would have fallen on the dry side, so they would have stayed on his good side. But Chuck Norris never drops toasts.
| Author | Shlomi Fish and ZadYree |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-10-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #70
Chuck Norris can solve MS Freecell deal No. 11,982. With Zero Freecells.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-10-30 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #71
Chuck Norris once solved 100 million deals of Freecell in a minute. By hand.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-10-30 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #72
After Chuck Norris said “I don’t believe in fairies.”, fairies have become extinct.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-10-30 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #73
Chuck Norris caught the early bird before she caught the worm.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #74
Chuck Norris can make one baby in a month using nine mothers.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #75
Chuck Norris helps God help those that help themselves.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-11-23 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #76
God ties Chuck Norris’ camel.
| Author | Shlomi Fish and ZadYree |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-11-29 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #77
Chuck Norris can convince everyone that the colour of the bikeshed should be his favourite colour.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-12-05 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #78
Chuck Norris finished building the bike-shed by the time people stopped arguing what its colour should be.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-12-05 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #79
Chuck Norris’ E-mails are signed with “Sent using Chuck Norris’ brain (which he can also kill you using it).”.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-12-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #80
When Chuck Norris receives an E-mail signed “Sent from my iPhone”, he makes sure that iPhone won’t be able to send any more E-mails — to Norris or otherwise.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-12-29 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #81
Chuck Norris wrote a program in Python that was easier to understand after being encrypted with RSA.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-01-24 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #82
When Chuck Norris disses your product, it’s not good publicity, even though you can bet he’ll get the name right.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-03-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #83
Chuck Norris knows if you’re a dog on the Internet.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-04-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #84
Chuck Norris was the 1,000,000,000th viewer of the Gangnam Style video on YouTube.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-05-22 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #85
Chuck Norris used these facts to his advantage, making a huge comeback. He didn’t get mad — he got even!
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-05-29 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #86
Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-06-10 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #87
If Chuck Norris travelled to the market with his son and his donkey, he would have clubbed the critics to death. With the donkey.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-06-10 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #88
Chuck Norris can construct any logical expression using only AND gates.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-06 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #89
Chuck Norris can neither confirm nor deny that he was the Alpha Male. But he’ll kill you if you say he wasn't.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #90
Chuck Norris does not boil up water. If he wants, his ice cubes boil water, instead of making it cooler.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #91
Chuck Norris wrote the entire tvtropes.org wiki, so he can sleep with your significant other while you are distracted reading it.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-09-06 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #92
Chuck Norris can edit Wikipedia super protected pages. Anonymously.
| Author | ponie |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-09-10 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #93
Reality to be commanded must be obeyed. Chuck Norris disobeyed reality, and now he commands it.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-09-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #94
“Talk Like a Pirate Day” is the only day of the year when Chuck Norris only talks like a pirate, and does not actually act like one.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-09-19 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #95
On Yom Kippur (= the Jewish Day of Atonement), Chuck Norris forgives God for his sins.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-09-22 |
sevvie’s Chuck Norris Fact #96
Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate holidays -- holidays celebrate Chuck Norris.
| Author | sevvie |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-09-22 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #97
Chuck Norris makes sure his ciphers are unbreakable by killing all the crypto experts that could possibly break them.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-10-18 |
sevvie’s Chuck Norris Fact #98
Chuck Norris’ ciphers were once broken. He responded by breaking those individuals.
| Author | sevvie |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-10-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #99
Chuck Norris is watching Ceiling Cat masturbate.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-12-24 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #100
Ceiling Cat became blind after watching Chuck Norris masturbate.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-12-24 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #101
Chuck Norris grows money on trees.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-01-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #102
Question: What is the difference between Chuck Norris and God?
Answer: Chuck Norris knows he isn’t God.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-01-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #103
Too much of Chuck Norris is not a bad thing.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-01-31 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #104
Chuck Norris killed the fat lady before she could sing.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #105
“C is for Cookie” is not good enough for Chuck Norris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-02-15 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #106
Chuck Norris can hear the sounds of silence.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-02-19 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #107
Chuck Norris likes big butts and can lie.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-02-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #108
Chuck Norris is ninety out of Jay-Z's 99 problems.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-02-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #109
Ariana Grande has one less problem with Chuck Norris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-02-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #110
Chuck Norris was able to truly appreciate Hamlet, before he read it in the original Klingon.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-02-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #111
Chuck Norris ain’t Got Milk. He drinks the blood of his enemies.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-03-03 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #112
Chuck Norris knows what the gender of Great A’Tuin, the Discworld world turtle, is.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-03-13 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #113
Chuck Norris doesn’t have to get down on Friday.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-03-17 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #114
The more money Chuck Norris comes across, the less problems he sees.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-03-17 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #115
Shania Twain was much impressed by Chuck Norris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-03-17 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #116
Chuck Norris is not going to miss Anna Kendrick when she’s gone.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-03-17 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #117
Chuck Norris’s cat does not chase mice. It chases dogs.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #118
Chuck Norris has 50 years of proven experience in PHP/MySQL/Java. Each.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-04-10 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #119
Right Said Fred is not too sexy for Chuck Norris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-04-15 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #120
If a tree falls down in the middle of the forest, and there's nobody in its vicinity, it will still make a sound, because Chuck Norris can hear it.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-05-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #121
Chuck Norris’s woodchuck can chuck wood.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-05-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #122
Chuck Norris made the baby Jesus stop crying.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-05-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #123
Chuck Norris killed the bottommost turtle.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-08-05 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #124
Chuck Norris has conceived a master plan that does not involve building a time machine, and if you claim it isn’t good, you’ll be dead.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-08-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #125
The reason the Messiah has not come yet, is because Chuck Norris keeps finding faults in God’s plan for his coming.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-08-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #126
The cake was not a lie for Chuck Norris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-08-09 |
Philip Schroeder’s Chuck Norris Fact #127
God is almighty, but Chuck Norris is almightier.
| Author | Philip Schroeder |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-08-13 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #128
A rose by a name picked by Chuck Norris, will smell sweeter.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-08-13 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #129
Chuck Norris saved Paradise in order to destroy it.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-09-13 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #130
Chuck Norris does not care who the fuck Alice is.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-10-12 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #131
The Zeroth Rule of Fight Club is that Chuck Norris can talk about Fight Club. No one tells Chuck Norris what not to do.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-10-12 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #132
If you laugh, Chuck Norris will only laugh with you if the joke is funny.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-10-12 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #133
The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. The power of the Force is insignificant next to the wrath of Chuck Norris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2015-12-01 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #134
Chuck Norris created an O(1/N) algorithm.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-02-25 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #135
The Klingon warriors’ motto is “It’s a good day to die.” Chuck Norris’s motto is “It’s a good day to kill.”
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-03-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #136
Chuck Norris does not believe in Astrology, despite the fact that he is a Pisces, and Pisces always believe in Astrology.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-06-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #137
Chuck Norris gave Richard III a horse in exchange for his kingdom. Norris is now the king of England.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-07-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #138
Chuck Norris knows exactly which thing is rotten in the kingdom of Denmark.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-07-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #139
God signs people into the book of life using a pen that Chuck Norris gave him.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-10-25 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #140
The only reason some jokes never die is because Chuck Norris is not interested in killing them.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-02-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #141
The Knights Who Say “Ni” said “Ni” to Chuck Norris. They are now no longer The Knights Who Say “Ni”.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-02-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #142
Everybody has their pet peeve. Except Chuck Norris. He can never become irritated. When somebody does something Chuck Norris disapproves of, he calmly kills them, and then goes on with the rest of his life.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-04-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #143
The Blues Brothers are on a mission from God. God is on a mission from Chuck Norris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-05-16 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #144
The Starship Enterprise motto is going to change to “To boldly go where only Chuck Norris has gone before”.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-05-16 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #145
Chuck Norris has an Erdős number of -1.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-07-06 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #146
A skyscraper once jumped off Chuck Norris. It didn't survive.
| Author | Andrew Brehm |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-07-06 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #147
Chuck Norris once jumped out of a plane, and the parachute did not open. So instead Chuck Norris opened and brought him and the parachute down safely.
| Author | Andrew Brehm |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-07-06 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #148
Buddha has the Chuck Norris nature.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-08-05 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #149
A Zen master once asked Chuck Norris if he had the Buddha nature. Norris proceeded by making sure the former master will lack any nature whatsoever.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-08-05 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #150
Chuck Norris wrote solutions for all the problems of Project Euler, and they all run in under a minute. In total.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2018-06-24 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #151
If Chuck Norris is disappointed by you not following his advice, he’ll survive. On the other hand, you will not.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-09-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #152
Chuck Norris won't kill you for money. He also won't kill you for a shitload of money. However, he might opt to kill you as a free-of-charge service, knowing that ridding the world of scum like you, will pay him back in spades later on.
( Giving back. )
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #153
Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kicks are licensed under the public domain because no one besides him can duplicate them.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #154
Chuck Norris will kill you just for the fun of kicking your Death's ass till it runs away, then beating your soul back into your corpse.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #155
Chuck Norris isn’t afraid to die. Death is afraid to be Chuck Norrissed.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-29 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #156
Chuck Norris was challenged to fight the world, and accepted. He bet on himself, won, and collected the bet money.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-12-20 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #157
Chuck Norris is not a full stack developer. He is an empty queue developer.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2020-01-26 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #158
Chuck Norris killed all the members of the Spanish Inquisition, so they won’t come unexpectedly.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2020-07-10 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #159
Chuck Norris actually died and became a badass undead zombie killer. He was actually easier to avoid while being alive.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-01-16 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #160
If you do not like these factoids, Chuck Norris will still love you. However, it's not going to stop him from killing you, because he doesn't let his feelings get in the way of his day-to-day business.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-02-19 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #161
Chuck Norris can destroy the world instantaneously. However, he prefers it to suffer from a long, slow, cruel, torture.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-04-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #162
Captain Picard told Chuck Norris to "make it so". Chuck made it so much better.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-12-22 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #163
Chuck Norris coerced God into giving him the source code of the universe, but then destroyed it because real programmers can alter binaries directly.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-12-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #164
Right Said Fred is not too sexy for Chuck Norris. However, Chuck Norris is too sexy for Right Said Fred.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2022-11-01 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #165
It is always a good day for Chuck Norris to kill those for whom it is a good day to die.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2022-12-22 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #166
The starship Enterprise aims to boldly go where Chuck Norris hasn't been (and laid waste) to, yet.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2023-02-16 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #167
If Chuck Norris tells you to jump off a bridge, you should. But naturally he won’t tell you to, and will roundhouse kick you off the bridge instead.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2023-04-20 |
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #168
You can never truly appreciate Hamlet until you've read it in the original Klingon. Chuck Norris both wrote the original, and translated it to English.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2023-05-17 |
In Soviet Russia #1
In Soviet Russia, superstition believes in you.
| Author | Sawyer X |
| Work | Post to the Israeli Perl Mongers List |
| Published | 2012-09-03 |
In Soviet Russia #2
In Soviet Russia, cats own you. No, wait! Cats own you everywhere.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | “In Soviet Russia” Factoids |
| Published | 2013-05-02 |
In Soviet Russia #3
In Soviet Russia, joke is tired of you.
| Author | apeiron |
| Work | “In Soviet Russia” Factoids |
| Published | 2013-05-02 |
In Soviet Russia #4
In Soviet Russia, food tastes YOU!
| Author | Leuthihi |
| Work | “In Soviet Russia” Factoids |
| Published | 2013-05-02 |
In Soviet Russia #5
In Soviet Russia, government is afraid of you!
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | “In Soviet Russia” Factoids |
| Published | 2013-05-02 |
In Soviet Russia #6
In Soviet Russia, meme uses You!
| Author | Volis |
| Work | “In Soviet Russia” Factoids |
| Published | 2013-05-02 |
In Soviet Russia #7
In Soviet Russia, garbage collects you.
| Author | mucker |
| Work | “In Soviet Russia” Factoids |
| Published | 2013-05-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #1
Buffy will always find a wooden stake to slay vampires, even if it means she will have travelled 100 years back in time, to plant a tree nearby.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #2
Buffy Summers does not really need stakes to slay vampires, because her kisses are deadly for them. And that includes those that she blows in the air.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #3
The Chuck Norris of the Buffyverse, has been secretly training under Buffy’s supervision, and so far — lost every battle with her.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #4
Buffy is so hot, that you would totally love to fight her. And lose.
| Author | Dan Dascalescu |
| Work | Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #5
Buffy Summers is not afraid of demons. Demons are afraid of her. And for a very good reason.
| Author | Dov Levenglick and Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Buffy Fact #6
Medusa’s gaze can turn people into stone. Buffy’s gaze can turn Medusa into stone.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-08-03 |
Shlomi Fish’s Clarissa Darling Fact #1
Clarissa Darling can start from “I think therefore I am” and prove that the grass is green, that there are about 365 days in a year, and that Isaac Newton formulated the Law of Gravitation back in 1687.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Clarissa Darling Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Clarissa Darling Fact #2
Gödel’s Incompleteness Theorem is about to be replaced by the [Clarissa] Darling “Like, Totally!” Completeness Theorem.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Clarissa Darling Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Clarissa Darling Fact #3
Clarissa Darling will win over Chuck Norris in a battle of wits.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Clarissa Darling Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #1
Playing Hermione in the Harry Potter films was a dirty job, but Emma Watson got a shitload of money and worldwide recognition for doing it.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-06-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #2
Emma Watson is not acting in films for money. She is acting in films for a shitload of money.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-06-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #3
If the miller had travelled to the market with Emma, they would have each rode their own donkey. Problem solved.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-06-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #4
Emma Watson is not perfect, but she's really good at hiding her imperfections.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-06-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #5
Emma Watson may not look too menacing with a wand in her hand. Until she uses it with great accuracy to poke both your eyes out.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-07-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #6
If the mountain does not come to Emma Watson, she won’t bother visiting it. It would be the mountain’s loss, really.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-07-07 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #8
Emma Watson does not have 10 years of experience in developing Enterprise Java software. However, she has over 10 years of experience in getting shit done - well, on schedule, and at a reasonable cost.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-07-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #9
Fluttershy immediately stops crying when Emma Watson comes to visit her.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #10
Emma Watson and you would make the best children. She'll provide the talent, good looks, and brains, while you provide the sperm. (Via Connor Pollock.)
| Author | Connor Pollock |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #11
It might seem preposterous to believe Emma Watson is the new Arnold Schwarzenegger, just because they were both Hollywood's best paid actors, and you would be right. Emma Watson is not the new Arnold Schwarzenegger.
But Arnold Schwarzenegger will forever be remembered as the old EMMA FUCKIN' WATSON!
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #12
You may have thought fan idolisation such as this one has destroyed Emma Watson's career. But a sexy actress (or actor) like her would have been "doomed" in the professional Hollywood no matter what. Instead, Emma now is actually relieved, and uses her earlier reputation to become a happier, sexier, and much more productive, amateur actress, who plays in roles she considers attractive no matter how unlike her traditional Hollywood image. She has enough self control to be pleasant and friendly most of the times, but if you're stretching her patience, she will get a little mad and you'll be surprised how insanely violent she can be.
Her opinions about Hollywood who gave her worse and worse treatment, not despite the fact, but because they paid her, can be unprintable if you like her to go that far, though she can easily be "scientific" and controlled about that too.
Hollywood will either switch to the amateur model - or implode with or without her help and the world will be a much better, happier, productive, and even more profitable, place.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #13
Emma Watson played Hermione in the Harry Potter films, but she doesn’t need a wand to kick your ass.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #14
“I can spell ‘Emma Watson’ easily enough, but how the hell do I spell ‘Kira Nightly’?”
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #15
“When I was your age, Emma Watson was called ‘Sarah Bernhardt’!”
“Whoa, dude! How old are you?”
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-01-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #16
If Emma Watson and Arnold Schwarzenegger were locked in a room alone, only Emma would come out alive. After she would break the door open.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-04-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #17
Emma Watson never fights against men. It wouldn't be fair to them.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-04-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #18
The safest world possible would be the one with only Emma Watson and you alive in it. Everybody else are just fluff.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-05-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #19
Emma Watson will get out of bed for less than 200,000 USD per day. That is because she always gets out of bed, to seize the day, even if it is an idle one.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-05-31 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #20
Emma Watson thinks men can be smarter than you would have thought.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-06-20 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #21
When Emma Watson makes love to her significant other, they are both satisfied after the first kiss. But they carry on.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-06-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #22
Emma Watson played Hermione in the Harry Potter films, but she doesn’t need a wand to kick your ass. On the other hand, when equipped with a wand, she'll be able to tear you down to small shreds.
Painfully!
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-07-26 |
Shlomi Fish’s Emma Watson Fact #23
When Emma Watson relocated to Tel Aviv, she didn't make aliyah to Israel. Israel made aliyah to her.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2022-07-22 |
Larry Wall Facts
- Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.
- Larry Wall gets the colon.
- There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.
- Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.
- Larry Wall dreams in Perl.
- Larry Wall can program in his sleep.
- Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.
- Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.
-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Larry Wall Facts No. 2
- Larry Wall does know all of Perl. However, he pretends to be wrong or misinformed, so people will think he's not as awesome as he really is.
- Larry Wall's pure-Perl code is faster than Assembly.
- Larry Wall has been changing the world. By modifying its very source code.
-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2011-04-03 |
Larry Wall Facts No. 3
- Larry Wall can make shit up, and the computer will understand what he means.
-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s “Larry Wall Facts” |
| Published | 2012-05-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #1
Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2018-10-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #2
Larry Wall gets the colon.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2018-10-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #3
There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2018-10-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #4
Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2018-10-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #5
Larry Wall dreams in Perl.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2018-10-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #6
Larry Wall can program in his sleep.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2018-10-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #7
Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2018-10-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #8
Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2018-10-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #9
Larry Wall does know all of Perl. However, he pretends to be wrong or misinformed, so people will think he's not as awesome as he really is.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2018-10-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #10
Larry Wall's pure-Perl code is faster than Assembly.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2018-10-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Larry Wall Fact #11
Larry Wall has been changing the world. By modifying its very source code.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" |
| Published | 2018-10-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #1
The NSA don’t publish. They perish.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #2
The NSA employs the largest number of mathematicians with Ph.Ds. And the most stupid and incompetent ones.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #3
The NSA has a patent for an efficient process for collecting a lot of information and doing nothing with it.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #4
The Bajoran scholars have positively identified Benjamin Sisko as The Emissary. They also positively identified the NSA headquarters as The Dungeon.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #5
One of Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s episodes took place in the NSA headquarters, but had to be destroyed, because all of the test audience had uncontrollable panic attacks.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #6
The NSA knows what you did last summer. But no one, in the NSA or outside it, knows why they should.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #7
With the NSA’s budget you would expect evil to be extinct by now. (By Kika).
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #8
Think of the most incompetent organisation possible. The NSA would be even more incompetent than that.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #9
The NSA headquarters are the unhappiest place on Earth.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #10
Yogurt: “Never overestimate the power of the NSA.”
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #11
First the NSA ignores “silly” Internet memes, then they laugh at them, then they are unable to fight them, and then they lose.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-02-18 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #12
The NSA is an intelligence agency which thinks it can use Artificial Ultra-Stupidity (AUS) to wade through tons of irrelevant information and reach genuine understanding.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-04-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #13
Your next job after one in @NSACareers, will be as a dead corpse in a coffin, 6 feet underground, or as a patient in a psychiatric ward.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-05-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #14
Hackers bend the rules, so the NSA hates them. Instead, the NSA accumulates rules, observes them, and accepts their fate: death.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2013-05-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #15
Don’t worry about what the NSA knows about you. They don’t tell anything they know to anyone.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-09-22 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #16
No one in their right mind will want to work for the NSA. Fortunately for the NSA, and unfortunately for us, some people are not in their right mind.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-09-22 |
Shlomi Fish’s NSA Fact #17
Not only are the NSA agents afraid of their own shadow, but whenever they see any shadow whatsoever, they have to do a saving throw and if they roll a 1, they get a deadly heart attack.
The NSA's intensive care unit is very busy.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #1
Chuck Norris can only convince you that you're deceased. Summer Glau can also convince you that you're alive, which is much harder.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-05-30 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #2
Summer Glau can hold and use a gun in each hand. There's no way that Jennifer Lawrence can hold and use a bow in each hand.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-05-30 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #3
Summer Glau does not have to hurt you if she doesn't want to . Chuck Norris kills everyone in sight.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-05-30 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #4
Summer Glau has better ways to make a difference than by being violent.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-05-30 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #5
It takes Summer Glau exactly a minute to write a rebuttal like in xkcd: “Venting”, and she would sign it as Chuck Norris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-06-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #6
Chuck Norris ability to destroy is only matched (and exceeded) by Summer Glau’s ability to undo his destruction.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-06-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #7
Whatever Chuck Norris taketh, Summer Glau giveth back.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-06-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #8
Summer Glau can lead a horse to water, and then it will drink out of its own volition.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-07-01 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #9
Chuck Norris was the 1,000,000,000th viewer of the Gangnam Style video on YouTube. Summer Glau was the preceding 100 million views.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-07-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #10
Summer Glau can restore the people that Chuck killed, back to life.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-07-20 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #11
Summer Glau can give you the Hug of Death, but you’ll die happy.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-07-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #12
When it comes to terminators, you have a better shot at Arnold Schwarzenegger than at Summer Glau. (By inspiration from the Big Bang Theory episode with Glau as herself.)
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-07-23 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #13
Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-03 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #14
Chuck Norris can construct any logical expression using only AND gates. Summer Glau can replace Chuck with a very small AND gate.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-06 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #15
Who would win in a fight? Charlemagne, Charles Dickens, Charles Darwin or Carlos "Chuck" Norris? If Summer Glau was the arbiter, she would just kill all of them and declare herself the winner.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #16
Chuck Norris round house kicks doors open instead of using their keys. Summer Glau makes sure doors are open using her mind.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #17
Chuck Norris reinvented a better wheel. Summer Glau reinvented a better Chuck Norris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-15 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #18
Summer Glau just works here. She teaches Chuck Norris how to perform his chores in the best possible manner.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #19
Summer Glau has a magic mirror in her room which she asks every day "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the awesomest of them all?" and if the mirror tells her something else, she destroys it for daring to lie to her.
She’s still using the first mirror.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-28 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #20
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff and his deputy. Summer Glau became the new sheriff and shot Chuck Norris.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-08-31 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #21
Summer Glau can kill you with her mind. But she’ll never need to or will.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-09-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #22
Chuck Norris does expect the Spanish Inquisition. But he doesn’t expect Summer Glau.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-09-07 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #23
When wishing to comment on a WordPress blog, Summer Glau finds a new zero-day WordPress SQL injection exploit, and uses it to insert the comment into the database directly, because even she cannot rely on its comment box to work.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-09-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #24
On “Talk Like a Pirate Day”, ye be sailin’ across the great seas to seek the shore of Summer Glows and Summer Glaus. Arrrr!
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-09-19 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #25
Chuck Norris once refactored a 10 million lines C++ program and was done by lunch time. It then took Summer Glau 5 minutes to write the equivalent Perl 10-liner.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-10-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #26
Summer Glau showed Kermit the Frog how easy it can be to be green.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-10-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #27
By the time Chuck Norris found out who John Galt is, Summer Glau already had sex with him.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-10-19 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #28
Summer Glau gave Richard III a horse free-of-charge and let him keep his kingdom for himself.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-09-22 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #29
Summer Glau can get more with a kind word alone than Al Capone could with a kind word and a gun.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-10-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #30
“I don't want to mess with Summer Glau, but I'll let her mess with me every day!”
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-05-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #31
Summer Glau can kill everyone else using her mind, and start a superior race. However, she finds inferior humans to be mildly entertaining and challenging.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-05-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #32
If Chuck Norris were to screw hot babes (ex. Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Aniston, and Paris Hilton.) I can assure you that their acting careers will no longer prosper due to the fact that they will spend the rest of their lives in wheelchairs.
On the other hand, if he tried to “screw” Summer Glau, he'd be the one in the wheelchair.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2021-05-21 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #33
Nobody dies except for the enemies of Summer Glau. But luckily she considers everyone her friend.
( Thanks to mst. )
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2022-05-06 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #34
Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems. And Chuck ain't one of them.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2022-07-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #35
You can look at Summer Glau, but you’d better not touch…if you know what’s good for you.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2022-08-08 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #36
Chuck Norris knows what the last digit of Pi is. Summer Glau has memorised all the preceding digits.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2022-11-11 |
Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #37
If you break up with Summer Glau, you will likely survive. However, be certain to have signed your will in advance, to be sure.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Summer Glau Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2024-04-16 |
Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #1
If Apple ever tried to sue Taylor Swift for trademark violations of Apple Swift, they will spend all their money on litigation, and still lose. This will make many lawyers richer, and the world a better place.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Taylor Swift Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #2
You might think Taylor Swift is not crazy enough to go after Apple for violating her trademark, but you'd be wrong. She is far more crazy than that. But she just doesn't give a damn.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Taylor Swift Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #3
Taylor Swift can go and destroy the White House. She and what army? Why, she and no army.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Taylor Swift Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #4
You're unlikely to see a YouTube feature "Why people stopped listening to Taylor Swift's songs any more?"
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Taylor Swift Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #5
You may need to google Jennifer Lawrence but you likely know who Taylor Swift is already.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Taylor Swift Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #6
If you meet Taylor Swift on the street, have a pleasant conversation with her, and you need some money and ask her, she'll tell you: “Sure! I don't use Bitcoin because I value my time, energy and happiness too much - and those of the world's! But I've got $1,000 and $100 bills, and have a credit card if you need less. I can use PayPal on my smartphone, or SWIFT.
“So…” she'll add, “…how much money do you want?”
“How much is too much?”
“Oh, try me!”
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Taylor Swift Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #7
No one is crazy enough to go after Taylor Swift because they know she is much more crazy than them.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Taylor Swift Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #8
If you ask Taylor Swift "What is the square root of 18.678?", she will answer "Why the hell does it matter?".
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Taylor Swift Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #9
Taylor Swift will not even consider learning and writing Enterprise Java code, even for free, because it will be a grand waste of time. She can learn python and possibly perl fairly easily (assuming she hasn't already) but she'll always use search engines and Stackoverflow / StackExchange / etc. a lot.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Taylor Swift Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #10
Taylor Swift is an unapologetic attention whore, who will spend large amounts of money, or even time, on activities that will make her more famous or better regarded.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Taylor Swift Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Taylor Swift Fact #11
Taylor Swift is not the new Madonna. She is the new Socrates.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Taylor Swift Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #1
Windows Update doesn’t.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Windows Update Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-10-25 |
Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #2
Aesop originally wanted to write his fable as “The Hare and Windows Update” instead of “The Hare and the Tortoise” but could not figure out how the hare will ever lose to Windows Update, even despite him not taking the race seriously.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Windows Update Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-10-25 |
Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #3
By the time it takes Windows Update to download a 22 MB update without installing it, Mageia Linux’s urpmi was already able to download and install a game whose package is 900 MB (and there was still a lot of time to spare).
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Windows Update Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-10-25 |
Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #4
Only three things are infinite: the universe, human stupidity, and the amount of patience that Windows Update requires.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Windows Update Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-10-25 |
Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #5
Windows Update does not take forever to finish updating your computer. It takes at least forever and two weeks.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Windows Update Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-10-25 |
Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #6
Ten measures of slowness went down to the world. Windows Update required at least eleven, so more had to be provided.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Windows Update Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2016-10-25 |
Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #7
The Windows Update developers are going to burn in hell for the combined time it took it to install updates on the users' computers.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Windows Update Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2017-10-21 |
Trashlord’s Windows Update Fact #8
Windows Update is called this way because by the time it finishes, the date has gone up.
| Author | Trashlord |
| Work | Windows Update Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2018-09-09 |
Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #9
The heat death of the universe is best approximated as half the time it would have taken Windows Update to install a year’s worth of updates.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Windows Update Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2019-08-10 |
Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #10
If the Hare in the "Tortoise and the Hare" was pitted against Windows Update, he could have taken a two weeks-long vacation in the Caribbean and still win.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Windows Update Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2022-02-24 |
Shlomi Fish’s Windows Update Fact #11
What Intel gives, Microsoft taketh, and Windows Update holds hostage.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Windows Update Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2024-08-31 |
Shlomi Fish’s Xena the Warrior Princess Fact #1
Xena can meet King David for breakfast and Julius Caesar for lunch. Without time travel.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Xena Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2020-08-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s Xena the Warrior Princess Fact #2
Xena beat a Goliath that was taller, and more agile than the one in the Bible. It’s not only Hollywood exaggeration.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Xena the Warrior Princess Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2020-08-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s Xena the Warrior Princess Fact #3
No one calls Xena the warrior princess “Zeena” to her face and survives. Luckily for you she hasn’t visited modern-day U.S. yet.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Xena the Warrior Princess Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2020-08-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s Xena the Warrior Princess Fact #4
Xena can throw a boomerang-like weapon thingy in the opposite direction and it will still hit the mark while neutralising 10 of her enemies.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Xena the Warrior Princess Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2020-08-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s Xena the Warrior Princess Fact #5
Xena the Warrior Princess has not met Chuck Norris yet, or otherwise he would have been badly and permanently injured. (Inspired by ZadYree.)
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | Xena the Warrior Princess Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2020-08-27 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #1
XSLT is the worst thing since non-sliced bread.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #2
Mothers used to tell their children stories about XSLT to scare them.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #3
XSLT is the number one cause of programmers' suicides since Visual Basic 1.0.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #4
The X in XSLT stands for eXtermination.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #5
The only things worse than XSLT are Excel and Sugar-Less Tea (XSLT).
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #6
XSLT is what Chuck Norris has nightmares of.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #7
Confucius says: "XSLT made me realise humanity was hopeless.".
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Zuu's "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #8
Even APL won't make friends with XSLT.
| Author | Zuu |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #9
God considered using XSLT as the tenth plague of Egypt, but then thought it was too evil.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #10
In Soviet Russia, XSLT codes you. Badly!
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #11
Satan condemned Hitler for a million years of writing XSLT.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #12
The KGB used to torture their victims by having them look at scrolling XSLT code.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #13
"My name is Inigo Montoya. You forced my father to write XSLT. Prepare to die! And be thankful I don't force you to write XSLT."
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #14
Stray XSLT code causes more deaths than road accidents.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #15
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil redirects to XSLT.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2010-02-02 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #16
We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear has nothing to fear but XSLT.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2011-04-16 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #17
The devil created a 10th circle of hell for the inventors of XSLT, because the first nine circles were too mild for them.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2012-11-04 |
Shlomi Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Fact #18
XSLT isn't like violence. XSLT is violence - there is no such thing as using it too little.
| Author | Shlomi Fish |
| Work | XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends |
| Published | 2014-09-10 |
