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Shlomi Fish and Friends’ Additions to the Chuck Norris/Etc. Facts

About

Additions to the collections of Factoids about people and things (e.g: Chuck Norris) in Unix fortune format.

Table of Contents

The Fortunes Themselves

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #1

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Chuck Norris wrote a complete Perl 6 implementation in a day, but then destroyed all evidence with his bare hands, so no-one will know his secrets.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #2

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Chuck Norris refactors 10 million lines of Perl code before lunch.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #3

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Chuck Norris is his own boss. If you hire him, he'll tell your boss what to do.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #4

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Chuck Norris read the entire English Wikipedia in 24 hours. Twice.

( Actually, he wrote it in 24 hours. Twice. The first time longhand in blood. The second time he typed it in from memory (by Drew Roberts). )

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish

Kattana's Chuck Norris Fact #5

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Chuck Norris does not code; when he sits at a computer, it just does whatever he wants. (By: Kattana.)

Author Kattana
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Daxim's Chuck Norris Fact #6

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Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN server's head.

Author Daxim
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Su-Shee's Chuck Norris Fact #7

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Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes. (Su-Shee)

He corrects God. (Shlomi Fish)

Author Su-Shee and Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #8

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Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire Debian GNU/Linux distribution. And he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack breaks.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Araujo's Chuck Norris Fact #9

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Chuck Norris doesn't commit changes, the changes commit for him.

Author Araujo
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #10

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Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris' computer. As a result, when he uses Microsoft Windows, it behaves just like a Linux system.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #11

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Chuck Norris is a real programmer. He writes programs by implementing the most optimised machines for them using real atoms.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #12

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Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles that they consider lame.

Chuck Norris deletes Deletionists whom he considers lame.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

joeyadams's Chuck Norris Fact #13

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There are no deletionists. Only Wikipedia articles Chuck Norris allows to live. (By: joeyadams)

Author joeyadams
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

joeyadams's Chuck Norris Fact #14

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Wikipedia deletionists don't delete lame Wikipedia articles. Chuck Norris deletes lame Wikipedia articles.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #15

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No one knows all of Perl - not even Larry Wall. Except Chuck Norris, who knows all of Perl 5, Perl 6 and can answer questions about the design of Perl 7.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #16

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Chuck Norris reads all messages posted to LKML (= the Linux Kernel Mailing List), understands them all, and he kills all gnomes he sees in sight.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #17

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When Chuck Norris uses Gentoo, "emerge kde" finishes in under a minute. A computer cannot afford to keep Chuck waiting for too long.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #18

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Chuck Norris is the greatest man in history. He killed all the great men who could ever pose a competition.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #19

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"My only boss is God. And Chuck Norris who is his boss."

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #20

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Chuck Norris can make the statement "This statement is false." a true one.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #21

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Chuck Norris can end world hunger, but he thinks that hungry people make humanity a more challenging adversary. If everyone had enough to eat, it would be too easy for him.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #22

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Chuck Norris can read Perl code that was RSA encrypted.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #23

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Chuck Norris once wrote a 10 million lines C++ program in Microsoft Notepad without having to use the backspace key. And it compiled without errors or warnings, and was 100% bug-free.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #24

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If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will go to the mountain. If the mountain will not come to Chuck Norris, then the mountain will suffer Norris’s wrath for not complying with his whims.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #25

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Chuck Norris has 0 messages in his E-mail inbox. Including already read ones.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #26

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Chuck Norris was never a newbie! He will kill anyone who implies otherwise. In a very not newbie-like manner.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #27

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Only perl and Chuck Norris can parse Perl.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #28

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All Chuck Norris has to do is *look* at Perl code and it interprets itself out of fear and respect.

Author DrForr
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #29

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Chuck Norris taught God how to create the universe.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #30

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Chuck Norris is the reason why the Knights who until Recently Said “Ni”, are no longer saying “Ni”.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Dov and Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #31

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Chuck Norris is not afraid of superstitions. Superstitions are afraid of Chuck Norris.

Author Dov and Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #32

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Chuck Norris does expect the Spanish Inquisition.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #33

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The Spanish Inquisition does not expect Chuck Norris.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #34

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A wood chuck can’t chuck wood. Chuck Norris can chuck wood chucks.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #35

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If Chuck Norris asks you “What's up?” and you answer it literally, then he will club you senseless with all the volumes of the Oxford English Dictionary, and all the servers hosting en.wiktionary.org, to teach you a lesson.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #36

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Chuck Norris helps the gods that help themselves.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #37

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If Chuck Norris had been born before World War II, there would have been only one world war. However, there would have been three largescale Chuck Norris masacares of Nazis and Communists.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #38

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If the mountain does not come to Muhammad, then Chuck Norris will bring the mountain over.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #39

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An apple a day will keep Chuck Norris away. But not for long.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #40

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Reality to be conquered must be obeyed. You’d better obey Chuck Norris or he’ll conquer you.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #41

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Chuck Norris had a problem so he decided to use regular expressions. Now, all the World’s problems are solved.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #42

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A is A and A is not not-A — unless Chuck Norris says so.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #43

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Chuck Norris can make East and West meet.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #44

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When Chuck Norris orders Pizza, it arrives before he presses the OK button.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #45

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Chuck Norris does not need to heat up food. The food is already warm right after he took it out of the fridge.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #46

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Chuck’s idea of a short walk is to the Andromeda Galaxy and back.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #47

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Chuck Norris hasn't taken these facts down yet, so they must be true.

Author Cantide
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #48

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For every A, Chuck Norris is both A and not-A. Chuck Norris is fucking everything.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #49

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Tomorrow never dies, unless Chuck Norris volunteers to take it out of its misery

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #50

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God created the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th. Chuck Norris created the world in one day, and has been incrementally destroying it every day since, without rest.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #51

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Chuck Norris is always right. Even if he says that “A is not-A”, he would be right, because Logic is subject to his whims.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #52

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Chuck Norris does not own a dishwasher. His dishes know better than to become dirty.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #53

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The Angel of Death cannot keep up with Chuck Norris’s throughput of killing.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #54

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Computers are useless because they can only give you answers. Chuck Norris is not useless, because he knows the questions which these answers belong to.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #55

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Chuck Norris is Vito Corleone’s godfather.

Author ZadYree
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #56

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Chuck Norris will kill everyone who has not read these factoids. Slowly and painfully.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #57

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Chuck Norris could have built the Roman Empire in a day. And it would have taken him even less time to destroy it.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #58

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Chuck Norris once counted all the real numbers on his fingers.

Author ZadYree
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #59

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Only two things are infinite: the universe, and Chuck Norris’s destruction ability. And we cannot be sure about the former thanks to the latter.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #60

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Chuck Norris knows who John Galt is.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #61

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Chuck Norris won the Nobel Peace Prize. For making millions of people rest in peace.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #62

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When Chuck Norris uses git, he takes a coffee break after initiating every git commit. And then he waits for the commit to finish.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #63

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God is Chuck Norris, for extremely large values of God.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #64

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Chuck Norris can become root on OpenBSD. By using nothing but /bin/echo.

Author ZadYree and Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #65

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Chuck Norris is the reason why OpenBSD is called OpenBSD. They wanted to call it LockedDownBSD but couldn't find a way to keep Chuck Norris out!

Author Andrew Brehm
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #66

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For all you know, you may not exist, and Chuck Norris convinced you that you do.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #67

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Chuck Norris wrote an interpreter for a Turing-complete language using only NOPs.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #68

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Chuck Norris does not keep any numbers on his mobile phone’s address book. Instead, he memorised the entire phone directory.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #69

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When Chuck Norris drops a cat, it falls on its back so it won’t lose eye contact with Chuck.

Corroloary: If Chuck Norris had dropped his toasts, they would have fallen on the dry side, so they would have stayed on his good side. But Chuck Norris never drops toasts.

Author Shlomi Fish and ZadYree
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #70

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Chuck Norris can solve MS Freecell deal No. 11,982. With Zero Freecells.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #71

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Chuck Norris once solved 100 million deals of Freecell in a minute. By hand.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #72

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After Chuck Norris said “I don’t believe in fairies.”, fairies have become extinct.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #73

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Chuck Norris caught the early bird before she caught the worm.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #74

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Chuck Norris can make one baby in a month using nine mothers.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #75

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Chuck Norris helps God help those that help themselves.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #76

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God ties Chuck Norris’ camel.

Author Shlomi Fish and ZadYree
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #77

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Chuck Norris can convince everyone that the colour of the bikeshed should be his favourite colour.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #78

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Chuck Norris finished building the bike-shed by the time people stopped arguing what its colour should be.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #79

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Chuck Norris’ E-mails are signed with “Sent using Chuck Norris’ brain (which he can also kill you using it).”.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #80

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When Chuck Norris receives an E-mail signed “Sent from my iPhone”, he makes sure that iPhone won’t be able to send any more E-mails — to Norris or otherwise.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #81

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Chuck Norris wrote a program in Python that was easier to understand after being encrypted with RSA.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #82

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When Chuck Norris disses your product, it’s not good publicity, even though you can bet he’ll get the name right.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #83

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Chuck Norris knows if you’re a dog on the Internet.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #84

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Chuck Norris was the 1,000,000,000th viewer of the Gangnam Style video on YouTube.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #85

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Chuck Norris used these facts to his advantage, making a huge comeback. He didn’t get mad — he got even!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #86

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Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #87

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If Chuck Norris travelled to the market with his son and his donkey, he would have clubbed the critics to death. With the donkey.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #88

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Chuck Norris can construct any logical expression using only AND gates.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #89

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Chuck Norris can neither confirm nor deny that he was the Alpha Male. But he’ll kill you if you say he wasn't.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #90

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Chuck Norris does not boil up water. If he wants, his ice cubes boil water, instead of making it cooler.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #91

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Chuck Norris wrote the entire tvtropes.org wiki, so he can sleep with your significant other while you are distracted reading it.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #92

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Chuck norris can edit Wikipedia super protected pages. Anonymously.

Author ponie
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #93

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Reality to be commanded must be obeyed. Chuck Norris disobeyed reality, and now he commands it.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #94

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“Talk Like a Pirate Day” is the only day of the year when Chuck Norris only talks like a pirate, and does not actually act like one.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #95

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On Yom Kippur (= the Jewish Day of Atonement), Chuck Norris forgives God for his sins.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

sevvie’s Chuck Norris Fact #96

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Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate holidays -- holidays celebrate Chuck Norris.

Author sevvie
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

In Soviet Russia #1

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In Soviet Russia, superstition believes in you.

Author Sawyer X
Work Post to the Israeli Perl Mongers List

In Soviet Russia #2

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In Soviet Russia, cats own you. No, wait! Cats own you everywhere.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work “In Soviet Russia” Factoids

In Soviet Russia #3

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In Soviet Russia, joke is tired of you.

Author apeiron
Work “In Soviet Russia” Factoids

In Soviet Russia #4

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In Soviet Russia, food tastes YOU!

Author Leuthihi
Work “In Soviet Russia” Factoids

In Soviet Russia #5

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In Soviet Russia, government is afraid of you!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work “In Soviet Russia” Factoids

In Soviet Russia #6

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In Soviet Russia, meme uses You!

Author Volis
Work “In Soviet Russia” Factoids

In Soviet Russia #7

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In Soviet Russia, garbage collects you.

Author mucker
Work “In Soviet Russia” Factoids

Shlomif Fish’s Buffy Facts #1

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Buffy will always find a wooden stake to slay vampires, even if it means she will have travelled 100 years back in time, to plant a tree nearby.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Buffy Facts #2

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Buffy Summers does not really need stakes to slay vampires, because her kisses are deadly for them. And that includes those that she blows in the air.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Buffy Facts #3

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The Chuck Norris of the Buffyverse, has been secretly training under Buffy’s supervision, and so far — lost every battle with her.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Buffy Facts #4

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Buffy is so hot, that you would totally love to fight her. And lose.

Author Dan Dascalescu
Work Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Buffy Facts #5

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Buffy Summers is not afraid of demons. Demons are afraid of her. And for a very good reason.

Author Dov Levenglick and Shlomi Fish
Work Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Buffy Facts #6

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Medusa’s gaze can turn people into stone. Buffy’s gaze can turn Medusa into stone.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Buffy Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Clarissa Darling Facts #1

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Clarissa Darling can start from “I think therefore I am” and prove that the grass is green, that there are about 365 days in a year, and that Isaac Newton formulated the Law of Gravitation back in 1687.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Clarissa Darling Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Clarissa Darling Facts #2

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Gödel’s Incompleteness Theorem is about to be replaced by the [Clarissa] Darling “Like, Totally!” Completeness Theorem.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Clarissa Darling Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Clarissa Darling Facts #3

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Clarissa Darling will win over Chuck Norris in a battle of wits.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Clarissa Darling Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Emma Watson Facts #1

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Playing Hermione in the Harry Potter films was a dirty job, but Emma Watson got a shitload of money and worldwide recognition for doing it.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Emma Watson Facts #2

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Emma Watson is not acting in films for money. She is acting in films for a shitload of money.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Emma Watson Facts #3

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If the miller had travelled to the market with Emma, they would have each rode their own donkey. Problem solved.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Emma Watson Facts #4

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Emma Watson is not perfect, but she's really good at hiding her imperfections.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Emma Watson Facts #5

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Emma Watson may not look too menacing with a wand in her hand. Until she uses it with great accuracy to poke both your eyes out.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Emma Watson Facts #6

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If the mountain does not come to Emma Watson, she won’t bother visiting it. It would be the mountain’s loss, really.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Emma Watson Facts #8

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Emma Watson does not have 10 years of experience in developing Enterprise Java software. However, she has over 10 years of experience in getting shit done - well, on schedule, and at a reasonable cost.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Emma Watson Facts #9

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Fluttershy immediately stops crying when Emma Watson comes to visit her.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Emma Watson Facts #10

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Emma Watson and you would make the best children. She'll provide the talent, good looks, and brains, while you provide the sperm. (Via Connor Pollock.)

Author Connor Pollock
Work Emma Watson Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Larry Wall Facts

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  • Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.
  • Larry Wall gets the colon.
  • There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.
  • Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.
  • Larry Wall dreams in Perl.
  • Larry Wall can program in his sleep.
  • Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.
  • Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomif Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts"

Larry Wall Facts No. 2

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  • Larry Wall does know all of Perl. However, he pretends to be wrong or misinformed, so people will think he's not as awesome as he really is.
  • Larry Wall's pure-Perl code is faster than Assembly.
  • Larry Wall has been changing the world. By modifying its very source code.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomif Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts"

Larry Wall Facts No. 3

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  • Larry Wall can make shit up, and the computer will understand what he means.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomif Fish’s “Larry Wall Facts”

Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #1

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The NSA don’t publish. They perish.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #2

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The NSA employs the largest number of mathematicians with Ph.Ds. And the most stupid and incompetent ones.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #3

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The NSA has a patent for an efficient process for collecting a lot of information and doing nothing with it.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #4

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The Bajoran scholars have positively identified Benjamin Sisko as The Emissary. They also positively identified the NSA headquarters as The Dungeon.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #5

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One of Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s episodes took place in the NSA headquarters, but had to be destroyed, because all of the test audience had uncontrollable panic attacks.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #6

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The NSA knows what you did last summer. But no one, in the NSA or outside it, knows why they should.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work NSA Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #7

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With the NSA’s budget you would expect evil to be extinct by now. (By Kika).

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Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #8

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Think of the most incompetent organisation possible. The NSA would be more even more incompetent than that.

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Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #9

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The NSA headquarters are the unhappiest place on Earth.

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Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #10

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Yogurt: “Never overestimate the power of the NSA.”

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Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #11

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First the NSA ignores “silly” Internet memes, then they laugh at them, then they are unable to fight them, and then they lose.

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Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #12

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The NSA is an intelligence agency which thinks it can use Artificial Ultra-Stupidity (AUS) to wade through tons of irrelevant information and reach genuine understanding.

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Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #13

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Your next job after one in @NSACareers, will be as a dead corpse in a coffin, 6 feet underground, or as a patient in a psychiatric ward.

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Shlomif Fish’s NSA Facts #14

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Hackers bend the rules, so the NSA hates them. Instead, the NSA accumulates rules, observes them, and accepts their fate: death.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #1

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Chuck Norris can only convince you that you're deceased. Summer Glau can also convince you that you're alive, which is much harder.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #2

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Summer Glau can hold and use a gun in each hand. There's no way that Jennifer Lawrence can hold and use a bow in each hand.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #3

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Summer Glau does not have to hurt you if she doesn't want to . Chuck Norris kills everyone in sight.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #4

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Summer Glau has better ways to make a difference than by being violent.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #5

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It takes Summer Glau exactly a minute to write a rebuttal like in xkcd: “Venting”, and she would sign it as Chuck Norris.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #6

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Chuck Norris ability to destroy is only matched (and exceeded) by Summer Glau’s ability to undo his destruction.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #7

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Whatever Chuck Norris taketh, Summer Glau giveth back.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #8

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Summer Glau can lead a horse to water, and then it will drink out of its own volition.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #9

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Chuck Norris was the 1,000,000,000th viewer of the Gangnam Style video on YouTube. Summer Glau was the preceding 100 million views.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #10

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Summer Glau can restore the people that Chuck killed, back to life.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #11

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Summer Glau can give you the Hug of Death, but you’ll die happy.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #12

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When it comes to terminators, you have a better shot at Arnold Schwarzenegger than at Summer Glau. (By inspiration from the Big Bang Theory episode with Glau as herself.)

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #13

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Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #14

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Chuck Norris can construct any logical expression using only AND gates. Summer Glau can replace Chuck with a very small AND gate.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #15

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Who would win in a fight? Charlemagne, Charles Dickens, Charles Darwin or Carlos "Chuck" Norris? If Summer Glau was the arbiter, she would just kill all of them and declare herself the winner.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #16

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Chuck Norris round house kicks doors open instead of using their keys. Summer Glau makes sure doors are open using her mind.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #17

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Chuck Norris reinvented a better wheel. Summer Glau reinvented a better Chuck Norris.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #18

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Summer Glau just works here. She teaches Chuck Norris how to perform his chores in the best possible manner.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #19

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Summer Glau has a magic mirror in her room which she asks every day "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the awesomest of them all?" and if the mirror tells her something else, she destroys it for daring to lie to her.

She’s still using the first mirror.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #20

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Chuck Norris shot the sheriff and his deputy. Summer Glau became the new sheriff and shot Chuck Norris.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #21

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Summer Glau can kill you with her mind. But she’ll never need to or will.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #22

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Chuck Norris does expect the Spanish Inquisition. But he doesn’t expect Summer Glau.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #23

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When wishing to comment on a WordPress blog, Summer Glau finds a new zero-day WordPress SQL injection exploit, and uses it to insert the comment into the database directly, because even she cannot rely on its comment box to work.

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Shlomi Fish’s Summer Glau Fact #24

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On “Talk Like a Pirate Day”, ye be sailin’ across the great seas to seek the shore of Summer Glows and Summer Glaus. Arrrr!

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #1

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XSLT is the worst thing since non-sliced bread.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #2

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Mothers used to tell their children stories about XSLT to scare them.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #3

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XSLT is the number one cause of programmers' suicides since Visual Basic 1.0.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #4

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The X in XSLT stands for eXtermination.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #5

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The only things worse than XSLT are Excel and Sugar-Less Tea (XSLT).

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #6

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XSLT is what Chuck Norris has nightmares of.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #7

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Confucius says: "XSLT made me realise humanity was hopeless.".

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Zuu's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #8

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Even APL won't make friends with XSLT.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #9

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God considered using XSLT as the tenth plague of Egypt, but then thought it was too evil.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #10

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In Soviet Russia, XSLT codes you. Badly!

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #11

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Satan condemned Hitler for a million years of writing XSLT.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #12

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The KGB used to torture their victims by having them look at scrolling XSLT code.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #13

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"My name is Inigo Montoya. You forced my father to write XSLT. Prepare to die! And be thankful I don't force you to write XSLT."

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #14

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Stray XSLT code causes more deaths than road accidents.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #15

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil redirects to XSLT.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #16

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We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear has nothing to fear but XSLT.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #17

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The devil created a 10th circle of hell for the inventors of XSLT, because the first nine circles were too mild for them.

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Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #18

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XSLT isn't like violence. XSLT is violence - there is no such thing as using it too little.

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