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Favourite Quotes

About

These are amusing or insightful fortunes I (= Shlomi Fish) collected from various sources. Most of them don’t appear elsewhere.

Table of Contents

The Fortunes Themselves

What is is

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What is is. Perceive It. Integrate it. Act on it. Idealize it.

Author Leonard Peikoff

I/O, I/O…

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I/O, I/O,
It's off to disk I go,
a bit or byte to read or write,
I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O

Author Dave Peacock
Work His signature

Roses are red, Violets are Blue ("Fresh Prince of Bel-Air")

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Will: "Roses are red,
Violets are Blue.
Jazz and I are black,
But, Carlton, what are you?"

Excerpt from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"

Author Andy Borowitz (Creator
Work "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"

"Wives live longer than husbands…"

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And the top story for today: wives live longer than husbands because they are not married to women.

Author Colin Mochrie
Work "Who's Line is it, Anyway?"

Let others praise ancient times

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Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Author Ovid (43 BC - 18 AD)

"Bring it On": Cheerleader Song

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I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot.
I'm bitchin', great hair, the boys all love to stare!
I'm wanted, I'm hot, I'm everything you're not.
I'm pretty, I'm cool, I dominate this school.
Who am I? Just guess. Guys wanna touch my chest.
I'm rockin', I smile and many think I'm vile.
I'm flying, I jump you can look but don't you hump. Whoo!
I major, I roar. I swear I'm not a whore.
We cheer and we lead - we act like we're on speed.
You hate us cause we're beautiful but we don't like you either.
We're cheerleaders. We are cheerleaders!

Excerpt from "Bring it On"

Work Bring it On (The Original)

"Suppose x is the speed…"

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An algebra teacher is discussing a problem with a student. The teacher says: "Now, suppose x is the speed at which the train is travelling…". And the student says "But teacher, what if x is not the speed at which the train is travelling?

Author Unknown
Work Re: "A Parody on Aristotle's Organum"

The Shibber Factor

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Keep all the grades of the students who passed the test as is, and convert the grades of all the students who failed to 54%.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Based on a Technion Legend

God is Dead

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“God is Dead”

— Neitzsche

“Neitzsche is Dead”

— God

( writing on a toilet's wall )

Author Anonymous toilet's wall writers
Work Writing on a toilet's wall.

A serious Philosophical Work

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A serious and good philosophical work could be written that would consist entirely of jokes.

-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

Author Ludwig Wittgenstein

The difference between a bad student and a good student

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The difference between a bad student and a good student is that a bad student forgets all the material five minutes before the exam, while a good student five minutes after it.

Author One of Shlomi Fish's Lecturers
Work Technion Class

Histeria! - "did the Fall Hurt You?"

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[Isaac Newton falls off the tree]

Cho-Cho: Did the fall hurt you?

Newton: It wasn't the fall; it was the sudden stop at the end.

Author Tom Ruegger
Work Histeria!

Knuth: Beware of Bugs

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Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.

Author Donald Knuth
Work Memo to Peter van Emde Boas

Stallmanism vs. Stalinism

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It's not because they have suddenly converted to Stallmanism.

Anyone else misread that as "Stalinism"?

The word "Stalinism" is deprecated, the correct term is "GNU/Communism".

-- Spotted on Slashdot

Author k98sven
Work Slashdot Comment: “Re: Misread”

Slashdot: Creative Shells

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Personally, I'd have a far better time writing scripts if I had some more creative shells to script in…

ASMsh: The Assembly shell. Commands include MOV, SHL, SHR, JNE, etc.

shellTM: Turing machine shell. Only four commands. Read, write, move left, move right. Capable of producing any programming language imaginable, given enough time and nerves of steel.

GeneSH: Four commands. G, A, T, C. Need I say more?

Qsh: Only uses one environment variable, which contains all possible values simultaneously. Method of scripting: isolate the universe in which the desired result is already accomplished, and intersect with it.

Of course, I never said they'd be easy to use. But then, if these shells existed, and I knew a sysadmin who used any of them, you can believe Sysadmin Day would be a far more celebrated holiday.

The Night Watchman on a Slashdot Comment

Author The Night Watchman
Work Slashdot comment.

Mission from God

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We're on a mission from God.

-- The Blues Brothers

Author Dan Aykroyd and John Landis
Work "The Blues Brothers"

Sitting Here Doing Nothing

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It may look like I'm just sitting here doing nothing, but I'm really actively waiting for all my problems to go away.

Author Unknown
Work Unknown

"The ones of you that have heard it before"

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I'm going to do a routine now, the ones of you that have heard it before may enjoy hearing it again. The ones of you that have not heard it before - may enjoy hearing it again next time.

Author Victor Borge
Work Phonetic Punctuation

Larry Wall: "I'm an Optimist"

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I guess I really am an optimist. A paranoid optimist, true, but an optimist nonetheless.

Larry Wall, "The 3rd State of the Onion"

Author Larry Wall
Work 3rd State of the Onion

"Linus Torvalds's Greatest Hack"

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In fact, I think Linus's [= Linus Torvalds'] cleverest and most consequential hack was not the construction of the Linux kernel itself, but rather his invention of the Linux development model. When I expressed this opinion in his presence once, he smiled and quietly repeated something he has often said: "I'm basically a very lazy person who likes to get credit for things other people actually do." Lazy like a fox. Or, as Robert Heinlein famously wrote of one of his characters, too lazy to fail.

Eric Raymond, the "Cathedral and the Bazaar"

Author Eric Raymond
Work The Cathedral and the Bazaar

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb…"

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Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.

Misattributed to Benjamin Franklin

Author Not clear
Work Quotes about Democracy

On Tech Progress

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Shlomi Fish: And to think that home desktops can simulate these systems [= PDP-10's and PDP-11's] much faster than those ancient mainframes.

William Lee Irwin III: Shlomi, and to think the net usefulness of the home desktops is less than what users got out of those mainframes.

#offtopic on the oftc.net IRC network.

Author William Lee Irwin III

"I feel much better…"

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I feel much better, now that I've given up hope.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Author Ashleigh Brilliant
Work "I Feel Much Better, Now That I've Given Up Hope

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I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a good fantasy.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Author Ashleigh Brilliant
Work "I Have Abandoned My Search for Truth and Am Now Looking for a Good Fantasy"

"I may not be totally perfect…"

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I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Author Ashleigh Brilliant
Work I May Not Be Totally Perfect, but Parts of Me Are Excellent

Dijkstra on Whether a Computer can Think

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The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Edsger W. Dijkstra

Author Edsger W. Dijkstra
Work EWD898 - The threats to computing science

Intelligent Life

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Sometimes I think the surest sign, that intelligent life exists else where in our universe is, is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Calvin

Author Bill Watterson
Work Calvin & Hobbes quotes

The more I think about it

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The more I think about it, the more I think I should think about it some more.

Clarissa in "Clarissa Explains it All"

Work Clarissa Explains it All

Rusty Russell's Signature

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Rusty Russell's signature:

Anyone who quotes me in their sig is an idiot.
-- Rusty Russell

Author Rusty Russell
Work Rusty Russell's Signature

The First Law of Thermodynamics

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The First Law of Thermodynamics: A system with a constant energy, volume and pressure behaves in any way it wants.

Author Unknown

Linus Torvalds about His Macros

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I wrote them (and looking at the original ones, I'm a bit ashamed: the "toupper()" and "tolower()" macros are so horribly ugly that I wouldn't admit to writing them if it wasn't because somebody else claimed to have done so.)

Linus Torvalds on the Linux Kernel Mailing List in response to SCO's Linux Kernel ownership claims.

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Post to the Linux Kernel Mailing List

Everything is Owned by SCO

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Baby making is owned by SCO. Linus's mother never payed royalities.

Also, having a name is a SCO trade secret. By giving Linus a name, they again ask for being fined.

Best regards,

Iztok

(p.s.: Iztok is owned by SCO, and phrase "Best Regards" as well. LWN is owned by SCO.)

An LWN comment in regards to the SCO ownership claims of Linux Kernel code.

Author Iztok
Work Linus is "owned by SCO"

The source of my intention

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The source of my intention
really isn't crime prevention
My intention is prevention of the lie.

Scatman John
"Scatman's World"

Author Scatman John
Work Scatman's World

ESR: "To follow the Path"

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To follow the path:
look to the master,
follow the master,
walk with the master,
see through the master,
become the master.

Eric S. Raymond in "How To Become a Hacker"

Author Eric Raymond
Work How to Become a Hacker

"GIMP Should Manipulate SVGs" on #gimp

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strestout1 Can GIMP save to svg?
rindolf strestout1: SVG is a vector graphics format.
rindolf strestout1: GIMP manipulates bitmaps.
strestout1 Yes rindolf, I know.
strestout1 I just thought itd be nice to have one app for everything instead of having to use inkscape for svg and gimp for everything else.
UnNamed It could do 3d too.
schumaml And Audio processing…
UnNamed And Audio mixing…
UnNamed And word processing…
schumaml And it gotta have a kitchen sink!
schumaml So, the real question might be: is there an image editing mode for Emacs? ;)
Channel #gimp
Network GimpNet
Tagline "GIMP Should Manipulate SVGs"

Hanah Senesh: Walk to Caesarea

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My God, My God,
May it never, never end.
The sand and the sea,
the jitter of the water,
the shine of the sky,
the prayer of Man.

"A Walk to Caesarea" / Hanah Senesh
( Translated from Hebrew by Shlomi Fish )

Author Hanah Senesh
Work Walk to Caesarea

"I am not without artifice where magic is concerned…"

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'You must know that I am not without artifice where magic is concerned,' said Weasel. 'Only last year did I - assisted by my friend there - part the notoriously powerful Archmage of Ymitury from his staff, his belt of moon jewels, and his life, in that approximate order.'

Author Terry Pratchett
Work The Colour of Magic

Linus Torvalds about the SHA1 Security

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If we want to have any kind of confidence that the hash is really unbreakable, we should make it not just longer than 160 bits, we should make sure that it's two or more hashes, and that they are based on totally different principles.

And we should all digitally sign every single object too, and we should use 4096-bit PGP keys and unguessable passphrases that are at least 20 words in length. And we should then build a bunker 5 miles underground, encased in lead, so that somebody cannot flip a few bits with a ray-gun, and make us believe that the sha1's match when they don't. Oh, and we need to all wear aluminum propeller beanies to make sure that they don't use that ray-gun to make us do the modification _ourselves_.

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Message to the git mailing list

Neo-Tech: About Capitalism

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The dictionary definition of capitalism is: An economic system characterized by private ownership of capital goods and by investments that are determined by private decision rather than by state control. Prices, production and distribution of goods are determined by a free market.

But most writers and commentators put dishonest altruistic-platonistic connotations on the meaning of capitalism: A system of exploitation of the weak by the strong -- devoid of love and good will. A system in which unwanted goods and services are pushed onto consumers through clever, deceptive advertising for the sole purpose of profits and greed. Capitalism dominates most Western governments. Capitalism, big business, and fascism are synonymous.

Neo-Tech IV / The Neo-Tech Discovery.

Author Frank R. Wallace
Work Neo Tech IV

"People who disagree with me…"

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Which mindset is right? Mine, of course. People who disagree with me are by definition crazy. (Until I change my mind, when they can suddenly become upstanding citizens. I'm flexible, and not black-and-white.)

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Linus compares Linux and BSDs

One bug, two bugs, tar bugs, su bugs,

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One bug, two bugs, tar bugs, su bugs,
grep bugs, mew bugs, old bugs, new bugs.
This bug has a little hack,
This bug has a broken stack.
Say! What a lot of bugs to track.
Yes, some are in tar, and some in su.
Some are old. And some are new.
Some in sed, and some in jed.
And some are even in parted.
Why are they in parted, jed and sed?
I do not know. Bugs should be dead!
Some in jpeg, and some in TIFF
This TIFF one has an attached diff.
From there to here, from here to there
Test release bugs are everywhere.

Author Red Hat Inc. Fedora Workers
Work Fedora Core 2 Test 2 available for x86 and x86-64

Charlene: The Sweet Life

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"I took the sweet life
but I never knew
I'd be bitter from the sweet"

Author Charlene
Work I've Never Been to Me

Neo-Tech: Fully Integrated Honesty

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Yet, acting on fully integrated honesty (Neo-Tech), not reason itself, is the basic moral act. When Genghis Khan, for example, chose to use reasoning for a specific military move, then in an out-of-context sense, he chose to act morally by protecting himself and his troops (thus filling human biological needs). But in the larger sense of fully integrated honesty, Khan's total actions were grossly immoral in choosing to use aggressive force in becoming a mass murderer (thus negating human biological needs). The highly destructive, irrational immorality of Genghis Khan's overall dictatorial military actions far outweighed any narrow, out-of-context "moral" actions. …Genghis Khan was enormously evil as were Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Castro, Pol Pot.

Neo-Tech Orientation and Definitions

Author Frank R. Wallace
Work Neo Tech Orientation and Definitions

chromatic: "Ruby Code Can't Be Bad"

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Why are there so many unmaintainable applications written in PHP and Perl? Because PHP and Perl let undisciplined, inexperienced programmers write useful code. So does Ruby -- but give it the popularity and longevity of PHP and Perl (at least in English-speaking circles) and I bet you'll see plenty of bad code written in Ruby too.

This seems like a variant of the Hackers and Painters fallacy. (Paul Graham is rich. Paul Graham writes Lisp. Therefore everyone who writes Lisp will get rich.) "All of the good, smart programmers I know are using Ruby. They write good code. Therefore you can't write bad code in Ruby!"

It feels like there's another fallacy in there somewhere. I want to call it the Pre-Post-Java Blindspot, where Java was the beginning of Serious Programming Languages and only its successor will unseat it. (Like any good fallacy, you have to ignore history, such as the fact that Ruby's between 10 and 12 years old.)

(I mean, if you really just can't read regular expressions, why not admit it? You could start a twelve-step program or something.)

Author chromatic
Work Blog Post for 17-Novemeber-2005

I Upgraded the Plot Device's…

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I have upgraded the plot device's hard-drive, soft-drive and squishy drive,and it is now being the world's most powerful super-computer!

The Angry Scientist in "Sheep in the Big City"

Author Mo Willems
Work Sheep in the Big City

Affairs of Dragons

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Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Source unknown.

Author Unknown Author
Work Internet Meme

Bjarne Stroustrup about Java

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Much of the relative simplicity of Java is - like for most new languages - partly an illusion and partly a function of its incompleteness. As time passes, Java will grow significantly in size and complexity. It will double or triple in size and grow implementation-dependent extensions or libraries. That is the way every commercially successful language has developed. Just look at any language you consider successful on a large scale. I know of no exceptions, and there are good reasons for this phenomenon. [I wrote this before 2000; now see a preview of Java 1.5 - http://xrl.us/kb3a ]

Author Bjarne Stroustrup
Work F.A.Q. Entry about Java

Oscar Wilde on Redundancy (from the Uncyclopedia)

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"I simply hate, detest, loathe, despise, and abhor redundancy."

An Oscar Wilde quote, that quotes Oscar Wilde on his views on Redundancy in a quote.

Author Uncyclopedia
Work Uncyclopedia entry about Redundancy

Vital Enterprise Applications Are (DailyWTF)

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In yesterday's post (Bitten by the Enterprise Bug), we learned how vital enterprise application are for proactive organizations leveraging collective synergy to think outside the box and formulate their key objectives into a win-win game plan with a quality-driven approach that focuses on empowering key players to drive-up their core competencies and increase expectations with an all-around initiative to drive up the bottom-line.

http://thedailywtf.com/forums/64833/ShowPost.aspx

Author The Daily WTF
Work The Daily WTF - Enterprise SQL

Beatles: "Come Together"

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He says "One and one and one is three".
Got to be good-looking 'cause he's so hard to see.

Excerpt from "Come Together" by the Beatles.

Author The Beatles
Work Come Together

The Smithosnian (from Ozy and Millie)

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Isolde: Any museum has a certain Americana factor. But the Smithosnian… This is the one place you can find the very essence of America, distilled.

Millie: Ooh.. do they let you drink it, and then take on mutant American superpowers, and then go around unilaterlly dispensing frontier-style justice in the name of "Freedom"?

Isolde: No, not usually.

Millie: Museums would be a lot more fun if they'd actually *read* what I put in their suggestion boxes.

Author D.C. Simpson
Work Ozy and Millie - "The Essence of America"

Slashdot: Vim Version 7

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Version 7? [of Vim]

GNU Emacs is at version 21.4. Can we really trust such an immature editor?

"yet another coward" in a Slashdot comment for the announcement of the release of Vim version 7. Slashdot comment

Author yet another coward
Work Comment on the release of Vim version 7

Star Trek Plot on FreeNode's #bmp - The Beep Media Player channel.

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deadchip Computer: Remove characters 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'.
deadchip *beeepbeepbeebeeep*
deadchip Computer: Resume program.
sxpert "Program cannot run without characters 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'. restoring instances.
deadchip Computer: Command override, command code Lt. Cmdr. Milosz Derezynski omega-3-3-9-alpha zero. Remove instances 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'.
deadchip "Unable to comply."
deadchip "Computer: Is it possible to at least, _alter_ the subprograms nenolod and sxpert?"
deadchip "Specify parameters."
deadchip hmm i take that as a "yes"
sxpert lol
deadchip "Computer: Please remove 'nonsense' component from 'sxpert' character."
deadchip "Affirmative."
sxpert "unable to comply. "
deadchip bah
deadchip yeah
nenolod grr
deadchip you're truly un-nonsensifiable
deadchip hahaha
sxpert "the intellectual subroutines are not alterable"
deadchip "Computer: Is it possible to alter the _look_ of the character 'sxpert'?"
deadchip "Affirmative."
deadchip "Computer: Please dress character 'sxpert' in a clown's costume."
deadchip "Specify paramters."
deadchip "Mid-20th-century Earth, Balkan area."
deadchip "Processing. Character alteration complete."
deadchip sxpert: bah
deadchip yeah i knew you would delete the whole databank first
sxpert lol
geekoe "Computer, can we …. finally… simply remover the characters 'sxpert'?"
sxpert "computer, here's arlequin costume. apply to character deadchip"
sxpert "character parameters changed"
sxpert "woop"
geekoe :D
deadchip o_O
Channel #bmp
Network Freenode
Tagline Star Trek-Like Plot

I'd love to change the world

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I'd love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

— Unknown

Author Unknown Author
Work Unknown

"What are stars?" on the Lion King

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Pumbaa: Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?

Timon: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know.

Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?

Timon: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh… got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing.

Pumbaa: Oh, gee. I always thought they were gigantic balls of gas burning billions of miles away.

Timon: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.

Author Walt Disney Corp
Work "The Lion King"

Martin about UNIX Letting You Shoot Yourself in the Foot

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>That's the nice thing about UNIX, it gives you so many >ways to shoot yourself in the foot. :)

At least it does allow you to shoot yourself in the foot.

It doesn't say "shooting feet isn't supported"

Or you can shoot yourself in the foot by writing a management console plugin that will pass the data to Word using VBA and then call Excel via com to split it into columns and then write an activeX control to get the columns back as

Author Martin
Work Comment in the JoS Forum

Dazjorz: "We are the Borg on IRC"

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[21:10] *** dazjorz changed nick to We
[21:10] * We are the Borg.
[21:10] *** We changed nick to Lower
[21:10] * Lower your shields and power down your weapons.
[21:11] *** Lower changed nick to We
[21:11] * We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.
[21:11] *** We changed nick to Resistance
[21:11] * Resistance is futile.
[21:11] *** Resistance changed nick to __You
[21:11] * __You will be assimilated.
[21:11] *** __You changed nick to dazjorz
Author Sjors (Dazjorz)
Work Freenode on IRC

God is my favourite…

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"(God) is my favourite fictional character." - Homer Simpson

Author Matt Groening
Work The Simpsons

Learn several new words everyday

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You should learn several new words everyday--eventually you will forget how to speak so others can understand you.

Yaakov on Freenode's #perl

Author Yaakov
Work Freenode's #perl Conversation.

Acme::NewMath

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For thousands of years, we have been plagued by mathematicians insisting that two plus two equals four. Who elected them? I, Stevie-O, am promoting an entirely new system, where two plus two equals FIVE. Eventually, it will be extended to provide other stuff these power-hungry madmen kept hidden away for themselves, such as division by zero, cold fusion, the ability to solve the halting problem, and the secret to attracting hot chicks.

Stevie-O on the Acme::NewMath POD document.
Acme-NewMath

Author Stevie-O
Work Acme::NewMath POD document

Should Perl drop SCO Support?

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> Should Perl do the same? [= Drop SCO Support]

Absolutely not. Perl supports defunct operating systems, buggy operating systems, commercial operating systems, and poorly marketed operating systems. It would be inappropropriate to drop SCO just because it happens to be all of the above.

Author Kurt Starsinic
Work advocacy@perl.org Email

Climbing for the Apocalypse on #perlcafe

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jkauffman Lynx_: you do seem to do a lot of climbing
jkauffman Lynx_: you'll have the last laugh when the apocalypse comes
jkauffman you'll be physically fit
jkauffman climbing over the mountains of sulfurous ash
jkauffman bounding over rivers of lava
Lynx_ sounds great
Lynx_ but what will i eat?
jkauffman those who didn't bother to practice climbing
Lynx_ eww
Lynx_ those will be all fatty
Lynx_ but maybe sulfurous ash is not so bad with some salt
jkauffman perhaps
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline Climbing for the Apocalypse

Slashdot: "In Soviet Russia…"

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In Soviet Russia, every time you kill a kitten, god masturbates

GyroTech on a Slashdot comment

Author GyroTech
Work Slashdot Comment

"I Wrote This Much Code" on Freenode's #perlcafe

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jagerman dooky: A coworker used to like to say things like "I wrote this much code" while holding his hands a couple feet apart
mofino hahaha
jagerman Once I asked him "At what font size?"
mofino +30
q[ender] hahah
jagerman He never said it any more
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline "I Wrote This Much Code"

Slashdot: Dealing with RMS's Vim Attitude

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Recently, Richard Stallman gave a speech in which he illustrated an academic point about programming history by quoting a guy who described vi as 'an editor spread at sword-point and which is really hard to use'.

I think I speak for all moderate vi(m) users when I say -- DEATH and DAMNATION (in that order) to this Cardinal of the CTRL key! Needless to say my own local vim user group has dispatched assassins to kill Mr. Stallman, but this is hardly the end of the story. The fact is that a man has referred to another man who in turn expressed some often-voiced reservations about OUR EDITOR! On behalf of all editors of text everywhere, I implore EMACS users to return to the true path, lest you be burned at the stake and then go to hell, the Buffer From Which There Is No Unloading. We'll see how productive you are then, with your ctrl-meta-alt and your ELISP and your 'ring buffer', whatever THAT is.

Peace and love to all.
^C
^X
quit
q
QUIT
exit :exit
zz
ZZ

kahei on Slashdot

Author kahei
Work Slashdot Comment

Linus: "debugging my own machines"

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The thing is, I don't actually enjoy debugging my own machines. I _much_ prefer having other people debug _their_ machines, and fixing my machine in the process. So I didn't want just something that worked on the Mac Mini, I wanted something that works _universally_, so that hopefully people who are even crazier than me will waste _their_ time trying to get these machines working.

Linus Torvalds in an Email message

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Email Message

Slasdhot: Iran: "First they came for"

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Re:Silly Iranians… ALWAYS!

First, they came for the newspapers, and I did nothing because the Farsi Side comic was just re-prints now.

Next, they came for the books, and I looked the other way because the Death to America Book of the Month Club was only recommending books to burn anyway.

Then, they came for the Satellite Dishes, and I said nothing because I still had a year left on my Infidelphia Cable contract.

Finally, they came for my Internet Service, and no one was left to hear my ululation!

patrixmyth on Slashdot

Author patrixmyth
Work Slashdot Comment

Linus Torvalds: "I Won't Always Change my Mind"

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I don't guarantee that I always change my mind, but I _can_ guarantee that if most of the people I trust tell me I'm a dick-head, I'll at least give it a passing thought.

[ Chorus: "You're a dick-head, Linus" ]

Linus Torvalds in an E-mail message.

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Email Message

Review of the Oxford English Dictionary

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Review of the Oxford English Dictionary on Amazon.com:

[One Star]

"an epic work that has trouble holding the interest"

By: a customer

I'm at the ABs, and I still can't get a grip on the plot. Characters enter, are introduced in exhausting detail -- and then disappear again! Very frustrating. The only time an old character shows up again is in another's history! A lot like _A Dance to the Music of Time_, I suppose.

Perhaps things will become clearer when we meet Oxford, English or Dictionary -- clearly three key figures. Some kind of menage a trois?

Work Amazon.com: Oxford English Dictionary

Neo-Tech: Selfishness

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Although the contents of her book, The Virtue of Selfishness, are precisely accurate and widely integrated, Ayn Rand committed an error by distorting the word "selfishness" in fashioning a dramatic statement. The word "selfishness" does have valuable, precise denotations of "an irrational, harmful disregard for others". Rand could have strengthened her work by selecting accurate wording such as rational self-growth. Instead, she unnecessarily bent and undermined the precise, valuable meaning of selfishness. …As with selflessness, selfishness is a form of immature, destructive, irrational behavior -- a form of stupid behavior.

Neo-Tech Advantage No. 14 - "Self-Growth vs. Selfless View"

Author Frank R. Wallace
Work Neo-Tech Advantage No. 14 - "Self-Growth vs. Selfless View"

Alan Kay on C++

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I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Alan Kay (Attributed)

Author Alan Kay

VB.NET and Java Freenode's #perl

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ew73 VB.NET is all of the fun of enforced privacy OO with all of the power of BASIC.
ew73 java.sun.os.device.videocard.screen.pixel.dance.a.jig.and.turn.red('true')
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline VB.NET and Java

Wilderness Cat: Extra Peculiar

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Extra Peculiar

Did you watch Uri Geller's show last night? He said that if anything extraordinary happened at home during the show, people should phone in, or report it at his website. During the entire show I was installing Hebrew Windows XP for my mother-in-law, and something extraordinary did happen. The operating system got installed, came up, ran without a glitch. Should I report this to Uri?

khatul's comment:

Without a glitch, huh? Apparently you (and Uri) managed to install Linux from a Windows XP installation CD. This is much more than telekinesis. It smells like pure alien intervention. Report immediately!

Author wildernesscat
Work wildernesscat : Extra Peculiar (Blog Entry)

Linus Torvalds: Rare "Perfect" Kernels

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It's one of those rare "perfect" kernels. So if it doesn't happen to compile with your config (or it does compile, but then does unspeakable acts of perversion with your pet dachshund), you can rest easy knowing that it's all your own d*mn fault, and you should just fix your evil ways.

You could send me and the kernel mailing list a note about it anyway, of course. (And perhaps pictures, if your dachshund is involved. Not that we'd be interested, of course. No. Just so that we'd know to avoid it next time).

Linus Torvalds announcing the 2.6.19 Linux kernel.
Email message

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Email Message

"Not comparable" on Freenode's #perl

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castoff merlyn: is it true that array itteration is better performance wise than hash itteration?
* avar would guess that array iter is faster than hash iter
merlyn what is "hash iter"?
merlyn with "each()"?
castoff foreach key…
avar yeah, or keys
merlyn I don't see those as comparable
merlyn when you have a hash, and you need to iterate, you do.
merlyn when you have an array, and you need to iterate, you do
merlyn what is there to choose between?
castoff the hash has no real value stored other than the key so i converted to arrays
avar merlyn: you can compare the speed of the two operations
avar well duh
merlyn Why would you compare the speed of unrelated events?
merlyn "let's time baking this bread compared to driving to seattle"
merlyn it's pointless
ides merlyn: heh, yes, but I think it would make a funny performance comparison article! :)
merlyn "always optimize for baking bread!"
* avar eats merlyn
ides merlyn: I was thinking more along the lines of "Performance comparison on Perl vs RoR vs Ice Fishing"
merlyn "I repeated baking bread 5000 times to get the average"
merlyn "It took me six years"
ides merlyn: too bad there isn't a Benchmark module for my oven…
merlyn Ovenmark
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Not comparable

Jokes about Particle Physics on Freenode's #perl

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Teratogen Two atoms are walking down the street when one of them says "I think I've lost an electron." The second one says "are you sure?", to which the first one replies "Yes, I'm positive".
mpeg4codec So officer Schroedinger pulls over this quantum particle and he says ``Do you know how fast you were going?''
mpeg4codec the particle says, ``No, but I know exactly where I am.''
Teratogen everybody has heard of Schroedinger's cat experiment
Teratogen but very few people know that Schroedinger hated cats
Teratogen with a passion
Teratogen and actually experimented on them
Teratogen he even owned a set of cat-fur gloves
Teratogen cats mysteriously disappeared around Schroedinger's laboratory
Teratogen and there was no Chinese restaurant close by to explain the disappearances
mpeg4codec Schroedinger's cat: wanted dead AND alive
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Jokes about Particle Physics

Tel Aviv - a functional definition

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Tel Aviv - a functional definition:

Free parking space free space.

Shachar Shemesh
Blog Post

Author Shachar Shemesh
Work "Tel Aviv - a Functional Definition" (Blog Post)

Always find someone to blame on Freenode's #perl.

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Botje tecloSolaris: that's an irssi script. you can't run it outside irssi.
tecloSolaris but it fails in irssi
Botje why does it fail?
merlyn it fails because of its parents!
merlyn I blame its parents
merlyn It fails because of society.
merlyn it fails as a fundamental shortcoming of Perl
merlyn it fails at succeeding
Teratogen I blame society!
merlyn I blame Teratogen's society.
merlyn I'll blame the blamer
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Always find someone to blame

Linus Torvalds: Releasing Kernel 2.6.20 on Superbowl Sunday

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In a widely anticipated move, Linux "headcase" Torvalds today announced the immediate availability of the most advanced Linux kernel to date, version 2.6.20.

Before downloading the actual new kernel, most avid kernel hackers have been involved in a 2-hour pre-kernel-compilation count-down, with some even spending the preceding week doing typing exercises and reciting PI to a thousand decimal places.

The half-time entertainment is provided by randomly inserted trivial syntax errors that nerds are expected to fix at home before completing the compile, but most people actually seem to mostly enjoy watching the compile warnings, sponsored by Anheuser-Busch, scroll past.

As ICD head analyst Walter Dickweed put it: "Releasing a new kernel on Superbowl Sunday means that the important 'pasty white nerd' constituency finally has something to do while the rest of the country sits comatose in front of their 65" plasma screens".

Walter was immediately attacked for his racist and insensitive remarks by Geeks without Borders representative Marilyn vos Savant, who pointed out that not all of their members are either pasty nor white. "Some of them even shower!" she added, claiming that the constant stereotyping hurts nerds' standing in society.

Geeks outside the US were just confused about the whole issue, and were heard wondering what the big hoopla was all about. Some of the more culturally aware of them were heard snickering about balls that weren't even round.

-- Linus Torvalds announcing kernel 2.6.20 ( http://lwn.net/Articles/220544/ )

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Announcement of Kernel 2.6.20

Sesquipedallianism

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Sesquipedallianism:

Making excessive use of long words.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sesquipedallian

Work Definition for Sesquipedallian

TimToady's Lament

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TimToady TimToady's Lament: The pain in reign falls mainly in the 'splain. --
Channel #perl6
Network Freenode
Tagline TimToady's Lament

Slashdot: The Spanish Inquisition

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You fool. Why did you tell him the Spanish Inquisition is coming. Now he's going to expect it.

niconorsk on a Slashdot Comment

Author niconorsk
Work Slashdot Comment

Cluster of 386s

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From the Beowulf Cluster FAQ:

11. Should I build a cluster of these 100 386s? [1999-05-13]

If it's OK with you that it'll be slower than a single Celeron-333 machine, sure. Great way to learn.

Work Beowulf mailing list FAQ

Are you being installed in FreeNode's #perl

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* f00li5h installs q-mail
* dazjorz installs f00li5h
* Zaba installs dazjorz
jeeger qmail installs f00li5h
jeeger In soviet russia …
jeeger Software installs YOU!
* dazjorz rm -rf zaba
* f00li5h is in Soviet Australia
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Are you being installed?

Losing my Abstraction

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That's me in the corner.
That's me in the spotlight.
Losing my abstraction.

Trying to keep my point of view…
And I don't know if I can do it.
Oh no, I code too much.
Haven't debugged enough.

Is that why I heard you laughing?
I thought that I heard you ping.
I think I thought I saw you reply.

Author Andy Armstrong and Randal L. Schwartz
Work Perl module-authors post

Memorial Day Weekend and SQL Databases

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Slashdot Comment on Reasons to or not to use MySQL:

A nice flame war. I'm just going to sit back, crack a beer and enjoy it. It is almost memorial day weekend, you know. Hopefully it get hot enough in here to roast a hot dog.

Oh goody! I'll help get things going:

  • * MySQL users will have to wait until you are done with the fire before they can roast their hot dogs, since MySQL is not a real database and does not support concurrent roasting;
  • * I've read the PostgreSQL manual eight times and still can't figure out something as bloody simple as roasting a hot dog, though I did figure out I have to call VACUUM before I can apply ketchup;
  • * Serious enterprises who care about their hot dogs use Oracle, since you can roast over 10,000 dogs at once and optionally impart the taste of filet mignon;
  • * If you try to roast a footlong hotdog using MySQL it will silently truncate it to regular size, causing your child to cry;
  • * Oracle will sue you if you complain about the difficulty of starting your fire or the blackened taste of the dogs;
  • * With SQLite your hot dogs are pre-roasted;
  • * Last year on Memorial Day, mysqld leapt out of my MacBook Pro and pushed my cousin into the fire, resulting in third degree burns. And also it causes cancer. And terrorism. Blindness. Violent puppy death. BOO! MYSQL IS SCARY DON'T USE MYSQL!!

http://developers.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=236249&cid=19275875

Work Slashdot Comment

DailyWTF: Calculator 2.0

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Max Rabkin's description for his entry is better than anything I could come up with:

"Calculator 2.0 is an enterprise-level client-side numerical productivity suite. It leverages proven technologies to provide a clear and user-friendly interface to a rich set of efficient and powerful components. It is powered by an XML database."

OMGWTF Highlights #2: Misc. (The Daily WTF)

Work OMGWTF Highlights #2: Misc. (The Daily WTF)

Slashdot: Dual Core and Microsoft

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I think this is the idea behind dual core: 1 core belongs to microsoft, 1 core for you.

-- sucati on a Slashdot comment

No. All your core are belong to us.

-- geobeck in response.

Work Slashdot Comments

"Eye have a Spelling Chequer"

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Eye have a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write.
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
and eye can put the error rite.
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Work Spell Chequer

Slashdot: Linus and Bill Gates

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Oh no, here we go again..

"Linus just made the kernel; it's irritating when he gets credit for Linux"

"Yeah, but at least he made the Kernel -- Gates just made the Basic compiler"

"That's news to me - have you ever heard of this guy called Paul Allen?"

"Doesn't matter - personally I think the Linux kernel isn't all that - I use BSD"

"Screw Linus -- he was wrong about Bitkeeper and Tivo so he's wrong about MS & Novell"

"Yeah, well at least he's not a convicted monopolist"

"Yeah, until M$ stops treating me like a criminal I refuse to buy their software"

Also insert random quotes and mis-quotes such as: "When Microsoft writes an application for Linux, I've Won." - Linus Torvalds "640kb ought to be enough for everybody" - Bill Gates

That about cover it? Can we have a non-childish discussion now? If there's any other slime to be thrown, just reply to this post -- let's keep the forum clean for an actual discussion.

Slashdot comment

Author dhavleak
Work Slashdot Comment

Free Karma on Freenode's #perl6.

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masak this definitely gives a more solid feel for kp6
masak kudos to whomever set exp_evalbot up!
moritz_ masak: that was me ;)
masak moritz_: kudos
masak moritz_++
spinclad moritz_++
fglock moritz++ :)
masak moritz_++ # the best thing about karma is that it's free
masak moritz++ # oh right
moritz_ thanks
moritz_ "karma is like software - it's better when it's free" ;-)
Channel #perl6
Network Freenode
Tagline Free Karma

Getting rich easily on Freenode's #perl.

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talexb Wow, I've won 4M pounds sterling, and all I have to do is contact someone in Zambia for more information. What could possibly go wrong?
rindolf talexb: heh.
jagerman Wait, I thought *I* won that.
talexb rindolf, Can't believe people still fall for that line ..
fwiles damn, wish I would win something… I just seem to be pre-approved for about $13 billion worth of home loans
talexb Oops, sorry jagerman .. I'm already faxing this lady my Power of Attorney!!!
talexb fwiiles, Oh, that'll buy you a nice semi in Toronto.
jagerman talexb: Oh, I'm way ahead of you then. I'm flying there to meet with "government officials."
jagerman I'm paying for it myself, of course, since I'll be rich once they transfer the money to me.
talexb jagerman, Rats! Hey, I know a couple of lawyers if you need 'em .. very trustworthy, share some office space with some barbers.
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Getting Rich Easily

Neo-Tech: All the Destruction for What?

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Poetical sing-song or hypnotically rhythmic meter are often found in the rhetoric of dictators, evangelists, sibyls, politicians, theologians, mountebanks, social "intellectuals", media men, medicine men, hallucinating psychotics, chanting shiites, and screaming terrorists. Consider how millions of normally rational Germans thrilled and responded to the poetical cadence and charisma of the consummate altruist neocheater, Adolph Hitler. The results: a reign of destruction with tens of millions of human beings slaughtered so one impotent man could indulge his mysticism to feel unearned power. All that slaughter was for nothing more than to let one neocheater feel a pseudo self-esteem. …Twenty million dead so one pip-squeak could feel big and important.

"So what!" cry the mystics as the lifetime efforts of a thousand productive, innocent individuals are blown to bits every day without a backward glance. So what if the troops roll across the country with military cadence and guns ablaze. So what if they level town after town, reducing to rubble and corpses all the values, beauty, and life that took generations of productive effort to build.

And that is all the chanting religious automatons or splendid Panzer divisions know how to do -- to destroy in a moment, without a thought, all the values that producers labored for lifetimes to build. Chanting mobs or marching troops never glance back, never think for a moment of the death and destruction they leave behind. So what! the mystics and neocheaters cry. So what if genocide happens in Russia, Nazi Germany, Cuba, Cambodia, Red China, or in our land. "I don't want to hear it! To hell with the lifetime efforts of productive individuals! …Save the snail darter!"

Neo-Tech Advantage No. 104

Author Frank R. Wallace
Work Neo-Tech Advantage No. 104

Fonts and Microsoft

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> > > Ah, understood.  I was stuck with Outlook at my last job, and it was
> > > impossible to get it to quote a message in a way that you could
> > > actually reply to things point by point.  It seemed optimized for
> > > sending a message to every person in the company and making all of
> > > your text blue.  What a fucking joke.
> >
> > If it's a joke you should use Comic Sans so everyone /knows/ it's
> > funny.
>
> No no, Comic Sans is for presentations to the shareholders!

Somebody who is presenting to shareholders knows how to change the
default font?

Weird…
Author Jonathan Rockway, Andy Armstrong, Jonathan Rockway, and Adrian Howard
Work Perl Module Authors Post

Slashdot: 1 out of 10 Lawyers

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Geez…get any 10 lawyers together, one will be a real decent person, the other nine will be total asshats.

Slashdot Comment

It just appears that way because it's logarithmic. 100 lawyers will net you 2 good ones, 1000 lawyers 3 good ones and so forth.

Slashdot comment

Work Slashdot Comment

What would Jesus do?

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What *would* Jesus do?

Oh my god.

http://xrl.us/7j6w

"They felt Jesus would not have approved of copyright breaches."

Jesus, you da man! Stick it to those kids!

You might be interested to note that the students had studied "Exodus 20:15 - you shall not steal" which comes a little way before Jesus anyway. Wasn't the whole point of Jesus coming to make the "new commandment" that people "love one another as I have loved you" and to annul the previous commandments that were given to Moses? I was raised Christian and was Christian for a long time but now am not, but I can't quite remember the specifics of this point.

Anyway, the point is that Jesus probably would have told them to stick Exodus to the man and just get on with the lovin'. Or something.

liedra in a blog post.

Author liedra
Work Blog Post

Geeky "Your Momma's So Fat" Jokes

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LeoNerd defc0n-: Make sure to use a nice tight knot, so your joined thread doesn't fall apart
Somni thread jokes, how droll
* LeoNerd grins "I have a whole stack of them waiting here.."
defc0n- C jokes are worse, a la if (malloc(sizeof(yourmom_t)) == NULL) printf("error: mom too fat\n");
idiotben joke? hell thats good logic! =P Your
idiotben Your momma so fat, the bitch needs PAE to fit in memory w/o using up swap
idiotben yo momma so fat, your dad has to run RHEL4's "hugemem" kernel
idiotben your mom is sooooo fat! everyone she comes in contact with has a buffer overflow!
LeoNerd … she needs 64k cluster size?
LeoNerd (going for a combined fat/FAT joke there)
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Geeky "Your Momma's So Fat" Jokes

use.perl.org - Managed C++

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Michael Frame:

Managed C++… there’s a pile of hate. Let’s take all the complexity and bad design in C++, and throw away the speed and efficiency by compiling it to .NET interpreted pseudocode instead. Microsoft has such great ideas when it comes to languages.

To which in reply, Yossi Kreinin:

What’s there not to like with C++/CLI? You can have macros expanding to templates from which generics are generated, and then have classes generated from the generics. And these classes can have a close function and two destructors, and hold references to unmanaged pointers to managed pointers! With C++, you only have duplicate features, but with C++/CLI, you can finally have triplicate ones! You see, this is a language for an expert. Experts love having 3 different ways to do things, each broken in its own way.

Work use.perl.org Blog Post

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I think you'll find that the [Windows] Desktop Search is completely inseparable from the desktop and that the latter would be rendered completely useless if it is uninstalled. Just like IE is.

speaker of the truth in http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=339585&threshold=0&commentsort=0&mode=thread&cid=21112043

Author speaker of the truth
Work Slashdot Comment

A mouse is a device

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A mouse is a device used to point at the xterm you want to type in.

Author Unknown
Work alt.sysadmin.recovery

Writing a Mailing List Manager from Scratch

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Apart from the fact that I congratulate you for writing bugless software without peer review, I also congratulate you for being able to write a fully RFC compliant MLM that won't blow up when you receive input you didn't account for.

Quite frankly, even a crappy sysadmin can get a reasonable mailman setup working (including nice archiving), quicker than the best coder can rewrite a full MLM from scratch. And you still have time left over to modify/fix/improve mailman to do the few things it didn't do quite right for you.

But if your attitude to coding is "I'd rather rewrite all this than soiling my eyes and hands looking at someone else's code", that's not a very good way to get hired anywhere as a coder, and even if you are super brilliant, you end up being a DJB that people snicker at with "that guy thinks he's so bright that he had to write his own libc" (instead of fixing/wrapping the few problematic pieces of them, and in the case of reasonable maintainers, contributing the code back).

Author Marc Merlin
Work linux-elitists blog post

"Not doing it for money"

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We're not doing it for money…We're doing it for a shitload of money!

Excerpt from Spaceballs

Author Mel Brooks
Work Spaceballs

"%s on %s" on Freenode's #perl

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asarch Is there any web application framework for Perl? Something ala Ruby on Rails
integral asarch: Jifty and Catalyst and lots more!
archon- asarch: catalyst
integral for example CGI::Application.
Yaakov asarch: Perl on Pontoons.
integral Jifty is closer to Rails than Catalyst is
integral Catalyst is like Lego, Jifty is like that not-Lego stuff that sucks :-)
asarch Thanks Yaakov
asarch Let me see…
Yaakov I WAS LYING
Yaakov THERE ARE NO PONTOONS
integral Why can't you just use Rails? Too slow? Too crap?
asarch lol :-D
Yaakov Ruby on Rails will always seem like Ruby on Crack to me, thanks to that promotional video…
integral Haskell on Highways
Yaakov Logo on Logs
Yaakov PHP on PCP
integral BCPL on Boats
integral They should bring back BCPL
Yaakov JCL on Jets
anno- cobol on cobbles
Yaakov Algol on Airplanes
Yaakov Snobol on Snowmobiles
Yaakov Ada on Armored Transports
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline %s on %s

Slashdot: Response to "BBC Creates 'Perl on Rails'"

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Slasdhot Response to "BBC Creates 'Perl on Rails'":

This is proof that there is a conspiracy to make up absurd programming shenanigans to sell overpriced door stoppers! Coming soon…

  • "Perl on Rails for Dummies"
  • "Perl on Rails for Idiots"
  • "Perl on Rails Bible"
  • "Perl on Rails in 24 Hours"
  • "Perl on Rails in a Nutshell"
  • "Perl on Rails: The Missing Manual"

…at a bookstore near you to burn a hole in your wallet!

Author creimer
Work Slashdot Comment

"Worse is Better" (Larry Wall)

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Among the generalists, the conventional wisdom is that the worse-is-better approach is more adaptive. Personally, I get a little tired of the argument: My worse-is-better is better than your worse-is-better because I'm better at being worser! Is it really true that the worse-is-better approach always wins? With Perl 6 we're trying to sneak one better-is-better cycle in there and hope to come out ahead before reverting to the tried and true worse-is-better approach. Whether that works, only time will tell.

Larry Wall in "State of the Onion 11"
http://www.perl.com/pub/a/2007/12/06/soto-11.html?page=3

Author Larry Wall
Work State of the Onion 11

Too many Freenode #perl cooks.

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ew73 I have discovered another benefit to the unemployed status!
ew73 I can cook whenever I want.
sili ew73: cooking with… imagination?
ew73 sili: I'm actually quite good at teh cookingz.
sili ew73: ARE YOU GOOD PROGRAMMAR 2/
ew73 no :(
sili I guess that explains why you're unemployed :p
ew73 That was mean!
sili it's not like I stole your bike
ew73 That also would be mean.
phroggy good cooking impresses the ladies a lot more than good programming.
utopia_ depends on the lady
phroggy (any present female company excepted, of course)
jdv79 phroggy: except when you don't have any money
ew73 phroggy: But imagine, a good cook AND a good programmer.
sili I can cook some stuff.
phroggy jdv79: yeah, that nixes the deal. I have that problem too.
jdv79 its a start
ew73 "Here's my recipie for mushroom stir-fry. And HERE's the source for my nutritional database system."
phroggy haha
jim ew73: so when you load the data model, do you get the recipe free?
ew73 jim: Geek.
* jim looks around…
jim like yer any different :)
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Too many Freenode #perl cooks.

Security by perl-deprivation on Freenode's #perl.

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→FilipeMendes has joined #perl
FilipeMendes any way to avoid having users running perl? I need specify who can or who can not
dondelelcaro FilipeMendes: uh… why?
FilipeMendes security purposes
mauke haha
mauke chmod 0 /usr/bin/perl
dondelelcaro question repeated, with more emphasis and incredulity
FilipeMendes i want specify some users
Caelum FilipeMendes: why would you not want users running perl?
FilipeMendes chmod wouldnt be useful
dkr FilipeMendes: chmod 750 /usr/bin/perl; chgrp leet /usr/bin/perl; and put the leet people in that group ?
FilipeMendes hmmm
dondelelcaro you realize that any user who wants can just stick their own perl executable there?
go|dfish FilipeMendes: ACL , maybe.
dkr also your system scripts might rely on it
dondelelcaro (and probably all of the users actually end up using perl?)
dkr modify the perl code to have it exit based on checking a uid whitelist. :)
dkr change the name to something obscure only the cool people know
mauke _perl
dkr realize that removing tools does not remove abilities and give up
mauke the _ means it's private!
dkr mauke: :D
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Security by perl-deprivation

"It was 20 years ago today…"

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It was 20 years ago today
Larry Wall taught some text to play
It's been going in & out of style
But it's stuck around for quite a while()
So may I introduce to you
The tool you've loved for all these years
Larry's Practical Extract & Report Laaaanguage

It's Larry's Practical Extract Report Lang
5.10 still has some bugs to fix
Larry's Practical Extract Report Lang
Don't ask for a date for version 6…

http://perlbuzz.com/2007/12/it-was-twenty-years-ago-today.html
on Perl's 20th Birthday

Author Andy Lester
Work Perl's 20th Birthday

Linus Torvalds: The Purpose of Holidays

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The regression list keeps shrinking, so we're still on track for a full 2.6.24 release in early January. Assuming we don't all overeat during the holidays and nobody gets any work done. But we all know that the holidays are really the time when we get away from the boring "real work", and can spend 24/7 on kernel hacking instead, right?

Here's to a merry christmas, doing the whole druidic festival around the tree thing.

Linus Torvalds announcing Linux Kernel prepatch 2.6.24-rc6
http://lwn.net/Articles/262978/

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Announcing Linux Kernel prepatch 2.6.24-rc6

Counter-qouting Jamie Zawinski

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Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.

--Jamie Zawinski, in comp.lang.emacs

— OMouse in http://programming.reddit.com/info/1awnv/comments/c1axk7

Some people, when confronted with regular expressions, always think "I know, I'll paste that Jamie Zawinski quote, and people will think I'm clever!"

These people have a problem.

— dmd in http://programming.reddit.com/info/1awnv/comments/c1axqc

Author dmd
Work Reddit Comment

Boxing on Freenode's #perl

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BinGOs mst: doh.
BinGOs mst++ # thinking outside the box.
dwu mst++ # utterly destroying the box.
Daveman SELL THE BOX!
dwu CAPITALIST PIG!
Daveman :D
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Boxing

DJB on Command Interfaces

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I have discovered that there are two types of command interfaces in the world of computing: good interfaces and user interfaces.

Daniel J. Bernstein (DJB) in http://cr.yp.to/qmail/guarantee.html

Author Daniel J. Bernstein (DJB
Work "The qmail security guarantee"

Slashdot: Xeno's Paradox

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Xeno's paradox is easily disproved in three steps:

  1. Get crossbow and bolt.
  2. Aim crossbow at Xeno.
  3. Fire.

If the bolt moves to Xeno, then it is proved that movement is possible. Also, Xeno will be dead. Win win situation.

Author HUADPE
Work Slashdot Comment

Linus Torvalds: "The Patch Fell…"

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I bow down before you.

I thought I had done some rather horrible things with gcc built-ins and macros, but I hereby hand over my crown to you.

As my daughter would say: that patch fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down. Very impressive.

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Email

jerryleecooper on Windows

Display

Are you saying that this linux can run on a computer without windows underneath it, at all ? As in, without a boot disk, without any drivers, and without any services ?

That sounds preposterous to me.

If it were true (and I doubt it), then companies would be selling computers without a windows. This clearly is not happening, so there must be some error in your calculations. I hope you realise that windows is more than just Office ? Its a whole system that runs the computer from start to finish, and that is a very difficult thing to acheive. A lot of people dont realise this.

Microsoft just spent $9 billion and many years to create Vista, so it does not sound reasonable that some new alternative could just snap into existence overnight like that. It would take billions of dollars and a massive effort to achieve. IBM tried, and spent a huge amount of money developing OS/2 but could never keep up with Windows. Apple tried to create their own system for years, but finally gave up recently and moved to Intel and Microsoft.

Its just not possible that a freeware like the Linux could be extended to the point where it runs the entire computer fron start to finish, without using some of the more critical parts of windows. Not possible.

I think you need to re-examine your assumptions.

Author jerryleecooper
Work Talkback on ZDNet

Slashdot: Keep Modding up this Joke

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I mean really, after the first 6143569056076952107294386875907695350 times maybe it was worthy of a chuckle, but to keep on modding up this joke suggests some form of psychosis.

Wait, I'll put this in a way that you mods can understand:

  1. go to slashdot
  2. find a story
  3. find a comment on that story
  4. post a tired, old, lame-ass joke for the 9 billionth time
  5. ???????
  6. GET MODDED UP!

Ok, I followed the silly meme, where's my +5 Funny?

Author Anonymous Coward
Work Slashdot Comment

Linux Genuine Advantage #1

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Linux Genuine Advantage™ is an exciting and mandatory new way for you to place your computer under the remote control of an untrusted third party!

According to an independent study conducted by some scientists, many users of Linux are running non-Genuine versions of their operating system. This puts them at the disadvantage of having their computers work normally, without periodically phoning home unannounced to see if it's OK for their computer to continue functioning. These users are also missing out on the Advantage of paying ongoing licensing fees to ensure their computer keeps operating properly.

To remedy this, we have created a new program available as a required free download: Linux Genuine Advantage™!

Finally! Linux users can experience a feature that until now remained the exclusive domain of proprietary software.

Once you've installed Linux Genuine Advantage™, you'll want to register and send in your licensing fees to receive these important benefits:

  • Your computer, which worked just fine before, will continue functioning normally!
  • Our software which you just installed will not disable logins on your computer (as long as our license server keeps working properly)!
  • It's totally awesome! We might not raise the yearly licensing fees in the future!

Plus, if you act now, we promise not to launch unfounded lawsuits against you, slander you or our competitors in the press and the courts (possibly by using other smaller companies as pawns), or require you to pay us for software you won't use on every new computer you buy!

Work Linux Genuine Advantage

Linux Genuine Advantage #2

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Get the Linux Genuine Advantage!

Did you wake up this morning and say "I wish someone would figure out a way to let me do less with my computer"? You've come to the right place!

Work Linux Genuine Advantage

Linux Genuine Advantage - News

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08/25/2007 - The Windows Genuine Advantage servers went down worldwide, marking any Windows machines as pirated during Microsoft's server outage. Meanwhile, the Linux Genuine Advantage™ activation server was up the whole time. Truly another victory for Open Source software! Microsoft, contact us if you'd like to license Linux Genuine Advantage™, we'd love to enter into a lucrative licensing agreement. With the money you save, you could put the WGA programmers onto other tasks, like improving Vista!

02/03/2007 - The Linux Genuine Advantage™ crack is spreading! Someone uploaded it to The Pirate Bay! Looks like it's time to get more involved in Swedish politics from across the globe!

02/02/2007 - Linux Genuine Advantage™ has been cracked by computer hackers! Rather than improving our software, we'll be sending our team of intimidating lawyers to pay them a visit.

Work Linux Genuine Advantage

Larry Wall: Manipulexity and Whipuptitude

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If you were a Unix programmer you either programmed in C or shell. And there really wasn't much in between. There were these little languages that we used on top of shell, but that was the big divide. The big revelation that hatched Perl, as it were, was that this opened up into a two-dimensional space. And C was good at something I like to call manipulexity, that is the manipulation of complex things. While shell was good at something else which I call whipuptitude, the aptitude for whipping things up.

So Perl was hatched. As a small egg. That was Perl 1. And it was designed from the very beginning to evolve. The fact that we put sigils in front of the variables meant that the namespaces were protected from new keywords. And that was intentional, so we could evolve the language fairly rapidly without impacting.

And it evolved… And it evolved… And finally we got to Perl 5. And… So… Perhaps the Perl 6 slogan should be "All Your Paradigms Are Belong To Us". We'll get to that.

Author Larry Wall
Work Present Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall's "My Own Irrationationalities"

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So I'd like to start off with my own irrationalities.

I don't think syntax should dangle in the wind. I'm with Aristotle. I think things should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Which means I like K&R bracketing. I do not like the way that Python hangs stuff out there, with no end.

I think that ordinary people dislike abstraction. That's because I dislike abstraction and I think I'm ordinary. (laughter) I might be wrong about that, but I don't know.

I simultaneously believe that languages are wonderful and awful. You have to hold both of those. Ugly things can be beautiful. And beautiful can get ugly very fast. You know, take Lisp. You know, it's the most beautiful language in the world. At least up until Haskell came along. (laughter) But, you know, every program in Lisp is just ugly. I don't figure how that works.

I think visual metaphors are very important. How it looks. Different things should look different. Similar things should look similar. A language designer simultaneously has to care what other people think, and has to not care what other people think. Otherwise you go crazy. Well, crazier. (laughter)

And finally, I think God has free will. And therefore he created programmers with free will and that they ought to be given choices.

Author Larry Wall
Work Present Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall's "Irrationalities of Other Languages"

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Now, I'm not the only language designer with irrationalities. You can think of some languages to go with some of these things.

  • "We've got to start over from scratch" - Well, that's almost any academic language you find.
  • "English phrases" - Well that's Cobol. You know, cargo cult English. (laughter)
  • "Text processing doesn't matter much" - Fortran.
  • "Simple languages produce simple solutions" - C.
  • "If I wanted it fast, I'd write it in C" - That's almost a direct quote from the original awk page.
  • "I thought of a way to do it so it must be right" - That's obviously PHP. (laughter and applause)
  • "You can build anything with NAND gates" - Any language designed by an electrical engineer. (laughter)
  • "This is a very high level language, who cares about bits?" - The entire scope of fourth generation languages fell into this… problem.
  • "Users care about elegance" - A lot of languages from Europe tend to fall into this. You know, Eiffel.
  • "The specification is good enough" - Ada.
  • "Abstraction equals usability" - Scheme. Things like that.
  • "The common kernel should be as small as possible" - Forth.
  • "Let's make this easy for the computer" - Lisp. (laughter)
  • "Most programs are designed top-down" - Pascal. (laughter)
  • "Everything is a vector" - APL.
  • "Everything is an object" - Smalltalk and its children. (whispered:) Ruby. (laughter)
  • "Everything is a hypothesis" - Prolog. (laughter)
  • "Everything is a function" - Haskell. (laughter)
  • "Programmers should never have been given free will" - Obviously, Python. (laughter)

So my psychological conjecture is that normal people, if they perceive that a computer language is forcing them to learn theory, they won't like it. In other words, hide the fancy stuff. It can be there, just hide it.

Author Larry Wall
Work Present Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall - Taking a Trip

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Back to dimensionality. When you are saying something linguistically, it's like taking a trip. You know, when you take a trip from California to Netanya, you don't go straight south and then straight west and then straight north. It's not orthogonal. There are little bits at the beginning. Then you take bigger hops on the planes and then you take littler hops at the end. Language works the same way, it's fractal. There is little orthogonality. At least apparently; you can have orthogonal views of it, there are orthogonal subsets. But there are multiple orthogonal subsets. At first glance it just looks like a network, and you have to navigate the geography.

Author Larry Wall
Work Present Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall - "Anthropology"

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Now in terms of the anthropology we try to welcome people into the tribe. We allow people to have their own little fiefdoms, where they are the ruler and can beat up on their followers.

We try to let people share with each other. We try to capture knowledge. Both of those things are why we have the CPAN, Comprehensive Perl Archive Network, which is arguably one of the greatest repositories of reusable crappy software in the world. (laughter).

And we have a culture of cooperating with other cultures too. We try to make Parrot so that other languages can ran on top of that. We've always tried to hook up Perl with everything. In kind of a humble sort of way. And finally it's culture of fun. At least we try to make it that way. And that's why I give weird talks.

Author Larry Wall
Work Present Continuous, Future Perfect

Linus Torvalds: Hardware for Servers

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So, everybody has a different idea. Everybody also has different hardware. The desktop is also where all the hardware really exists. Servers have 1% of the hardware that the desktop has in terms of different drivers and things like that. You don’t find webcams on servers generally. You don’t find oddball IDE drives on servers.

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Interview, Part II

Slashdot: High-Quality Microsoft Products

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«had been responsible for the 'production and distribution of more than 90 percent of the high-quality counterfeit Microsoft software products.»

Why doesn't MSFT sell these "high-quality" products instead of the crap they've been selling us for years.

Author boguslinks
Work Slashdot Comment

Timezone'd on Freenode's #perl

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x86 can someone tell me what this epoch translates to in %Y-%m-%d format? 1202256000
integral eval: POSIX::strftime("%Y-%m-%d", gmtime(1202256000))
buubot integral: 2008-02-06
x86 nice!
integral note that if you're not specifying timezone you're in for a world of hate
integral err, *pain
iank s/pain/butter/
iank I will dump butter on you unless you specify tz.
iank Also if you do specify tz.
iank Fuck it, I will dump butter on you, fullstop.
integral don't waste good butter on them, try margarine
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Timezone'd

CPAN is your Friend (or Enemy) on Frenode's #perl

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x86 gah
x86 DateTime::Format::Strptime is not one of the core modules
iank boo hoo cpan it
apeiron "i (can't|don't want to) use external modules"
iank (If only we had some sort of comprehensive archive network.. for perl stuff.. complete with a convenient tool you could use to easily fetch, build, and install modules!)
iank apeiron: "oh, but you're a dumbass"
iank "carry on then"
simcop2387-lab iank! i know i'll call it Ruby on Rails!
integral well, it'd be different if CPAN and CPANPLUS really were convenient.
x86 POSIX::strptime is not a core module either
x86 this sucks
apeiron Send patches or shut up. :)
iank CPAN IS VERY FUCKING CONVENIENT DO YOU WANT ME TO PUNCH YOU IN THE SPLEEN
integral apt-get : cpan :: brilliant : annoying
iank this : pretentious and awkward :: 1 : 1
x86 iank: not so conveinent when you're writing software to be deployed on 100 servers and you dont want to have to install the same module 100 times
integral bundle it with your app.
iank x86: stop failing at sysadmining
iank Or that.
integral They're also pure-perl so this is very, very trivial.
integral We have PARs which are jsut like Java's JARs for even more deployability win
iank woohoo
mst and people have this retarded obsession with only using core
mst I mean, anybody who does perl for a living grows out of it pretty fucking fast
mst but there's always colossal whining the first time you tell someone to get something from CPAN
integral But due to my last point, PAR isn't as well known as it should be
mst x86: thanks for being today's example :)
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline CPAN is your Friend (or Enemy)

As long as you don't resort to violence on Freenode's #perl

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mrmccrac- GumbyBRAIN: who is man bear pig?
GumbyBRAIN Man i need to get a modification of a fried pig and eating without my hands wouldn't be "too much bacon" for me; i don't know what @inc is?
iank mrmccrac-: he is half man, and half bearpig.
* shaldannon is half man, half asleep
iank Half ass leap?
iank What's a leap?
* shaldannon stabs iank
iank oof
* iank punches shaldannon
* shaldannon kicks iank in the groin
* iank passes out from the pain
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline As long as you don't resort to violence

chromatic: Choice of Syntax

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If choice of syntax were the main factor of the maintainability of existing code, wouldn't the comment mantra be "Comment what you're doing, not why"?

You can look up syntax in the language's documentation.

Author chromatic
Work Choice of Syntax

Mark Jason Dominus - "More about How to Ask a Good Question"

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I don't have many examples where the author really blew it, because I try not to answer those questions. I figure that even if I don't, someone else will come along and say ``Because you can't just make shit up and expect the computer to magically know what you mean, Retardo!''. And even if nobody does come along and say this, that's not a bad thing.

Author Mark Jason Dominus
Work "More about How to Ask a Good Question"

Light Bulb Joke

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Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to replace a lightbulb?

A: None! We'll fix it in software.

Author Unknown Author
Work Lightbulb Jokes - Computers

Linux Kernel Module's Programmer Guide: Beginning Programmers

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When the first caveman programmer chiseled the first program on the walls of the first cave computer, it was a program to paint the string `Hello, world' in Antelope pictures. Roman programming textbooks began with the `Salut, Mundi' program. I don't know what happens to people who break with this tradition, but I think it's safer not to find out. We'll start with a series of hello world programs that demonstrate the different aspects of the basics of writing a kernel module.

Author Ori Pomerantz
Work Linux Kernel Module's Programmer Guide

chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #1

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The difference between a program and a script isn't as subtle as most people think. A script is interpreted, and a program is compiled.

Of course, there's no reason you can't write a compiler that immediately executes the compiled form of a program without writing compilation artifacts to disk, but that's an implementation detail, and precision in technical matters is important.

Though Perl 5, for example, doesn't write out the artifacts of compilation to disk and Java and .Net do, Perl 5 is clearly an interpreter even though it evaluates the compiled form of code in the same way that the JVM and the CLR do. Why? Because it's a scripting language.

Okay, that's a facetious explanation.

The difference between a program and a script is if there's native compilation available in at least one widely-used implementation. Thus Java before the prevalence of even the HotSpot JVM and its JIT was a scripting language and now it's a programming language, except that you can write a C interpreter that doesn't have a JIT and C programs become scripts.

Author chromatic
Work "Program vs. Script"

chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #2

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Of course, if someone were to write an extra optimizer step for Perl 5 to evaluate certain parts of the optree and generate native code in memory on certain platforms without writing it out to disk (uh oh…) and then execute that code under certain conditions, all Perl 5 scripts would automatically turn into programs. You know, like .pmc files, or Python's .pyc files. Uh.

As well, if more people use Punie (Perl 1 on Parrot) this year than native Perl 1 -- a possibility -- then Perl 1 scripts automatically become Perl 1 programs because Punie can use Parrot's JIT. I don't know if this powerful upgrade from script to program is retroactive, but I see no reason why not.

Perl 5 scripts were briefly programs while Ponie was viable, but the removal of the code from the Parrot tree has now downgraded them back to scripts. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Author chromatic
Work "Program vs. Script"

chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #3

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To summarize, if you have a separate compilation step visible to developers, you have programs. If not, you have scripts. An exception is that if you have a separate, partial compilation step at runtime and not visible to users, then you may have programs. The presence of one implementation that performs additional compilationy thingies at runtime instantly upgrades all scripts to programs, while the presence of an interpreter for a language in which people normally write programs, not scripts, does not downgrade programs to scripts. Program-ness is sticky.

I hope this is now clear.

Ironically some JavaScript implementations have JITs, so the colloquial name of the language should change from JavaScript to JavaProgram.

Script bad, four-legs good.

Author chromatic
Work "Program vs. Script"

Stroustrup on Ease of Use

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I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true - I no longer know how to use my telephone.

Author Bjarne Stroustrup
Work My Other New Computer (Replacement Model)

Moving Pianos

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Moving pianos is dangerous.
Moving pianos are dangerous.

Author Language Log
Work "Nearly All Strings of Words are Ungrammatical"

"Real men don't"

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> Someone here said "Real Men use LaTeX". So I'll add:
> * "Real men don't install Wine"
> * "Real men don't watch T.V."

Real men don't listen to sentences that start with "Real men don't".

Work Whatsup.org.il Comment

"Let a Thousand Flowers Bloom"

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I have to say I cringed a little when I read it, because it helps reinforce the idea that there's a sort of Perl Hierarchy, or that there are Perl Gods, or that "you must be this tall to ride".

Randal and I are just normal ol' Perl hackers. We just spend a lot of time on Perl, and writing about it, and talking about it. The only reason we are Perl luminaries is that we are Perl luminaries. I'm not necessarily a better programmer, or have better ideas, or I'm a better debugger than anyone else. I just do it and make noise about it.

Even though Joey's response was out of line, I admire his spirit of "I'm just going to go do it." TMTOWTDI is one of the cardinal rules of Perl. Similarly, over on the module-authors list, the perennial argument of "Maybe CPAN should have minimum requirements for posting modules" has raised its ugly head. Instead, I said what I always say during these arguments: "CPAN thrives BECAUSE of the unfettered uploading of shit, not in spite of it."

So to it will be with Joey's website. Maybe it will be a dismal failure. Maybe it will become the Next Great Perl resource. However, I know that there is zero chance of Next Great Perl resource if he doesn't try. The only way you get home runs is by stepping up to the plate, and if you strike out, you're doing pretty good. Batting 3/10 is a great batting average, but in real life we find those odds terrifying.

Personally, as much as I like the community around Perlmonks, I think it's a terrible site for new people, and is practically unsearchable. I'd love to see something leapfrog Perlmonks and become the Next Great Thing. That's why I stopped writing to use.perl.org, because I think it's a terrible news source. Instead, I started perlbuzz.com, and went with that. Yes, it's different, but that's OK.

Let a thousand flowers bloom!

Author Andy Lester
Work "Let a thousand flowers bloom"

What do you do with ideas?

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jrockway "omg i have web 2.0 photoship skillz AND LOVE TEH GIT LETS MAKE A STARTUP!!!11!!"
awwaiid it drops my cool-concept impressedness of github like 100 points
jrockway that's the rails mentailty
jrockway "i have an idea, so i'm going to make a company"
jrockway compared to the perl version, "i have an idea, so I'm going to write a module"
awwaiid is that why we're all poor?
jrockway awwaiid: no, starting companies is not how you get rich :)
Channel #moose
Network irc.perl.org
Tagline What do you do with an idea?

Manipulating People Using Perl

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Khisanth <insert obligatory disclaimer about parsing HTML with regex>
Botje Khisanth =~ s/disclaimer/death threat/
Khisanth I can live with that
Botje ooh, i got write access on Khisanth
Botje Khisanth =~ s/must sleep/must give Botje all my money/
Botje and now we play the waiting game … >:)
afallenhope Botje, write&
Botje yeah
* Khisanth gives all of Botje's money to himself
Botje Khisanth: that's not supposed to happen!
* Botje resets the universe
Khisanth buggy code
snegtul no such thing Khisanth! =)
snegtul the bugs are a lie!
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Manipulating People with Perl

OSNews.com: Mono Syllabic Review

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Win95 - Wow!
Win98 - Oh
WinMe - Ow!
Win2k - Oooh
WinXp - Meh
Vista - Doh!

This mono-syllabic review brought to you by the letter 'W' and the number '7'

Author fretinator
Work I can't imagine saying "oh, wow!" about

Cats and Computer Trees

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pkrumins Prim's algorithm, om nom nom
f00li5h cats don't like being trapped in trees, is handy to know how to traverse one quickly!
pkrumins true
pkrumins the more tree traversal algorithms a kit knows, the sneakier the kit is
* f00li5h visits every node, traveling on the minium weighted edges
pkrumins sneaky kit
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Cats and Computer Trees

"Stumble on a Wiki Page"

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Surely there's a better way, no?

Ask the maintainers of M::B, EU::MM and M::I to all export a `halt` function that does just this? That would also provide a convenient spot in the respective modules’ docs for related CPAN Testers arcana, so people wouldn’t have to stumble onto a wiki page in the bottom of a locked cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying “beware the leopard” in order to learn these trivia.

Author Aristotle Pagaltzis
Work Re: cpantesters - why exit(0)?

Samuel Beckett - Ever Tried

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Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter.

Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

Author Samuel Beckett
Work Worstward Ho

Larry Wall on Ada Lovelace

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Suppose you went back to Ada Lovelace and asked her the difference between a script and a program. She'd probably look at you funny, then say something like: Well, a script is what you give the actors, but a program is what you give the audience. That Ada was one sharp lady…

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall on BASIC

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Now, however it was initially intended, I think BASIC turned out to be one of the first major scripting languages, especially the extended version that DEC put onto its minicomputers called BASIC/PLUS, which happily included recursive functions with arguments. I started out as a BASIC programmer. Some people would say that I'm permanently damaged. Some people are undoubtedly right.

But I'm not going to apologize for that. All language designers have their occasional idiosyncrasies. I'm just better at it than most. :-)

Anyway, when I was a RSTS programmer on a PDP-11, I certainly treated BASIC as a scripting language, at least in terms of rapid prototyping and process control. I'm sure it warped my brain forever. Perl's statement modifiers are straight out of BASIC/PLUS. It even had some cute sigils on the ends of its variables to distinguish string and integer from floating point.

But you could do extreme programming. In fact, I had a college buddy I did pair programming with. We took a compiler writing class together and studied all that fancy stuff from the dragon book. Then of course the professor announced we would be implementing our own language, called PL/0. After thinking about it a while, we announced that we were going to do our project in BASIC. The professor looked at us like were insane. Nobody else in the class was using BASIC. And you know what? Nobody else in the class finished their compiler either. We not only finished but added I/O extensions, and called it PL 0.5. That's rapid prototyping.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall - JAM (no not that one)

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My first scripting language was written in BASIC. For my job in the computer center I wrote a language that I called JAM, short for Jury-rigged All-purpose Meta-language. Story of my life…

JAM was an inside-out text-processing language much like PHP, except that HTML hadn't been invented yet. We mostly used it as a fancy macro processor for BASIC. Unlike PHP, it did not have 3,000 functions in one namespace. We wouldn't have had the memory, for one thing.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall - LISP

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For good or ill, when I went off to grad school, I studied linguistics, so the only computer language I used there was LISP. It was my own personal McCarthy era.

Is LISP a candidate for a scripting language? While you can certainly write things rapidly in it, I cannot in good conscience call LISP a scripting language. By policy, LISP has never really catered to mere mortals.

And, of course, mere mortals have never really forgiven LISP for not catering to them.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall - Common Memes Floating Around

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I think, to most people, scripting is a lot like obscenity. I can't define it, but I'll know it when I see it. Here are some common memes floating around:

Simple language
"Everything is a string"
Rapid prototyping
Glue language
Process control
Compact/concise
Worse-is-better
Domain specific
"Batteries included"

…I don't see any real center here, at least in terms of technology. If I had to pick one metaphor, it'd be easy onramps. And a slow lane. Maybe even with some optional fast lanes.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

chromatic - Perl's reliable state of the art

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That's not helpful. When a project doesn't release a new version, some people say "Oh, don't use it! They don't release new versions!" When a project does release a new version, some people say "Oh, don't use it! It's not perfect yet!"

Meanwhile, the so-called reliable state of the art is a jumble of Perl which writes cross platform shell scripts to install Perl code, and you customize that by writing a superclass from which platform-specific modules inherit pseudo-methods which use regular expressions to search and replace cross-platform cross-shell code, with all of the cross-platform and cross-shell quoting issues that entails. I wish I were making any of this up. (I wrote tests for part of it.)

This is why we can't have nice things.

Author chromatic
Work "Re: Module::Build 0.30 is released"

"Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You" and more

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Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country

-- John F. Kennedy (from his Inaugural Address).

The common good before the private good.

-- One of the slogans of Nazism in Nazi Germany.

Author Based on a page on an Objectivism Site
Work Glossary of Nazi Germany in the Wikipedia

What are You Trying to Achieve?

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sQuEE eval: [qr/^(\d)(?{ "x{$1}" })$/]
buubot sQuEE: [qr/(?-xism:^(\d)(?{ "x{$1}" })$)/]
* mauke looks at sQuEE
sQuEE :$
fizztpok_ Man, I always feel like I'm getting the hang of Perl until I see nonsense like that.
mauke what are you trying to do?
sQuEE im trying to eval qr/$regex/ which contains ^(\d)(??{ "x{$1}" })$ , but $@ returns null
mauke no, what are you actually trying to do?
ik sQuEE: what is the point of doing the thing that you are doing?
sQuEE no, thats just a testing example
sQuEE im trying to assign $regex what i captured from a previous match using qr// , eval { $regex = qr/$2/ };
sQuEE im not sure what im doing wrong
mauke I'm not interested in what you're doing; what are you trying to achieve?
ik You're capturing a regex with a regex and attempting to use said regex?
ik I hope the data you're matching isn't input :(
PerlJam mauke: I'm trying to achieve world peace and this regex is the last thing standing in my way! ;)
Khisanth there will be no world peace!
* Khisanth stabs PerlJam
DrForr Can I at least have whirled peas?
* PerlJam fires up the whirly gig for DrForr and inserts some peas
* Khisanth dumps a bowl of whirled peas on DrForr's head
DrForr Mmm, whirled peas.
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline "What are you trying to achieve?"

What's the Difference Between JavaScript and Java?

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What's the difference between JavaScript and Java?

One is essentially a toy, designed for writing small pieces of code, and traditionally used and abused by inexperienced programmers.

The other is a scripting language for web browsers.

Author Shog9
Work Stackoverflow.com Question

"R is similar…"

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R is similar to other programming languages, like C, Java and Perl, in that it helps people perform a wide variety of computing tasks by giving them access to various commands.

New York Times article about R, quoted in jest's use.perl.org journal - http://use.perl.org/~jest/journal/38229

Author jest
Work "Worst sentence ever written about programming in the MSM"

"A discussion is not a war"

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tk: A discussion is not a war, to be won or lost. It is a communal quest for truth. And you are inhibiting it by responding at only the most superficial level. Look beyond the presence of a word to its context. Respond to the thoughts expressed there. Or simply leave.

Author slamb
Work "What does 'lose' mean?" (Comment on an Advogato Article)

"Someone is Wrong"

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mst but jrockway will bitch about them all anyway
stevan rhesa: 100% of those with the last name "Rockway" will do that
rhesa hehehe
rjbs Subject: catalyst framework not compatible with PERL
jrockway stevan: i am going to name my kid "Someone is WRONG"
stevan jrockway: I think that will be implied, no need to actually name him that
perigrin Someone is WRONG rockway
perigrin has a nice ring to it
Penfold aka 'little Bobby wrong'?
rhesa would make a great children's book series: SiW in the zoo etc
stevan :D
stevan the first one in the series should be Someone is Wrong on the internet
jrockway rhesa: that is a great idea!
jrockway rhesa: i have a friend who is writing a children's book
jrockway i will tell her to change the title and content immediately!
jrockway someone is wrong in the children's book industry!
rjbs "No, zookeeper. That animal doesn't have a tail; it's *not* a monkey!"
Channel #moose
Network irc.perl.org
Tagline "Someone is Wrong"

Lightning Fast Objects

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jrockway btw, feel free to LOL: http://stackoverflow.com/questions/605641/how-to-use-classarrayobjects
jrockway wow, such concise code
jrockway and i can FEEL THE SPEED from using arrays
rjbs bowl full of mush
rindolf jrockway: there was a discussion about using arrays as objects in module-authors.
jrockway i read it and laughed
jrockway (yeah, someone is wrong on the internet, but i don't really care)
rjbs I use JSON strings as my objects, and define my classes in terms of regexps that pull out the right attributes.
rjbs It makes the code portable to JavaScript, except the methods.
jrockway great plan!
jrockway regexps are fast in perl, because perl is designed for parsing text
rjbs tx, can I add "endorsed by jon rockway" to my precis?
jrockway oh yeah
jrockway i recommend you reverse the JSON first, though, to provide better encapsulation
jrockway otherwise people could read the objects… and that breaks encapsulation, dontchaknow
rjbs I use UTF-16 and rot4096.
jrockway UTF-16 IS TOO SLOW!
rindolf Heh.
jrockway i can't believe we are even having this conversation… utf-16…
jrockway i am never speaking to you again!
* rindolf wonders how one can combine JSON with inside-out objects.
rjbs jrockway: no, no, WITHOUT the bom
rjbs BOM is what makes it slow.
rjbs rindolf: sub id { my $self = shift; $json_parser_for{ $self }->decode($json_for{ $self })->{id} }
rindolf rjbs: LOL.
rindolf rjbs++
Dylan unicode: somebody set us up the BOM
ilmari BOM-de-ada
rindolf Where's the BOM? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering Ka-BOM!
rjbs I think Iran has it.
perigrin if it doesn't … Sen. McCain will introduce a bill to provide them with one
rjbs give the bom bom bom, bom to Iran
rjbs funnier if you pronounce Iran properly
perigrin iran … iran so far away …
rindolf iRack - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rw2nkoGLhrE
autarch someone set us up the BOM
jnapiorkowski I thought all our base waz ownzed or something like that
* confound is the king of BOM
rjbs who's the BOM king?
confound I'm the BOM king!
ubu "once i was the King of BOM"
rjbs hear me now
Channel #moose
Network irc.perl.org
Tagline Lightning Fast Objects

"pgTAP 0.20 Infiltrates Community"

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I did all I could to stop it, but it just wasn't possible. pgTAP 0.20 has somehow made its way from my Subversion server and infiltrated the PostgreSQL community. Can nothing be done to stop this menace? Its use leads to cleaner, more stable, and more-safely refctored code. This insanity must be stopped! Please review the following list of its added vileness since 0.19 to determine how you can stop the terrible, terrible influence on your PostgreSQL unit-testing practices that is pgTAP: …

Don't make the same mistake I did, where I wrote a lot of pgTAP tests for a client, and now testing database upgrades from 8.2 to 8.3 is just too reliable! And by all means, DO NOT read the documentation or download and install this monstrosity, since it could easily lead to cleaner, more stable code, and therefore losing your job!

http://pgtap.projects.postgresql.org/ http://pgfoundry.org/frs/?group_id=1000389

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Good luck with your mission.

Author David E. Wheeler
Work pgTAP 0.20 Infiltrates Community

"I'm a Lesbian…"

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I'm a Lesbian born in a man's body.

Author Unclear (origin needed)
Work Unknown

If you have the same ideas as everybody else…

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If you have the same ideas as everybody else, but have them one week earlier than everyone else - then you will be hailed as a visionary. But if you have them five years earlier, you will be named a lunatic.

— Barry Jones

Author Barry Jones
Work Barry Jones Quotes

Great, mediocre and small minds

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Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.

Unknown, quoted by Admiral Hyman G. Rickover

Author Hyman G. Rickover
Work Hyman G. Rickover Quotes

Tail for the lions…

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Better be a tail for the lions, rather than the head of the jackals.

Rabbi Mathiah Ben Charash in Pirkei Avot 4, 15

Author Rabbi Mathiah Ben Charash
Work Pirkei Avot 4, 15

Learned a lot from my teachers

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I learned a lot from my teachers, and from my friends more than my teachers, and from my pupils the most.

— Rabbi Hanina, the Talmud

Author Rabi Hanina, The Jewish Talmud
Work "Three Levels of Learnings" (from "Thoughts about the Best Introductory (Programming) Language")

Slashdot: Internet Explorer is Perfectly Safe

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I must dispute your view in the strongest terms possible. Internet Explorer is perfectly safe for everyday use. However, as there is no such thing as perfect security, you must take additional precautions to keep evil hackers away from your data. Apply these rules according to the sensitivity of your data, from least important to most:

  • Disconnect your computer from your local network. Download files on another computer, scan them for viruses, print them out, scan them into your Windows PC using ORC software, and then view the pages in IE.
  • Do the above, but have a priest onsite to bless each page individually before scanning it. This is an excellent deterrent against viruses with the word "demon" in the name.
  • Do the above, but encase your PC in acrylic and immerse it in a 10,000 gallon tank of holy water. Interact with it while wearing scuba gear.
  • Do the above, but put a lid on the tank and immerse it in the ocean. Interact with your PC via a submersible robot in the tank from from outside while wearing scuba gear.

If you fail to follow these simple security guidelines, you can't blame Microsoft for the results.

Author palegray.net
Work "Re: Breaking News" Slashdot Comment

What is an encyclopedia?

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Yesterday I asked one of my students if she knew what an encyclopedia is, and she said: "Is it something like Wikipedia?".

Author alisonclement
Work Twitter Twit

J. Hall in response to Dr. Judith Bauer

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The move from a structuralist account in which capital is understood to structure social relations in relatively homologous ways to a view of hegemony in which power relations are subject to repetition, convergence, and rearticulation brought the question of temporality into the thinking of structure, and marked a shift from a form of Althusserian theory that takes structural totalities as theoretical objects to one in which the insights into the contingent possibility of structure inaugurate a renewed conception of hegemony as bound up with the contingent sites and strategies of the rearticulation of power.

By the eight brazen balls of Azuza the Bibulous Bandicoot, I'd rather be cast naked and chained into a lake of bubbling white hot fondue cheese than be one of her students.

That is, if she actually teaches anything at Berkeley [which can be, really, a lovely place full of very smart science people, theologians and historians, though you'd never know it by this whale's spout of academic doublespeak].

I suspect she sits on a lot of committees and inserts the word 'hegemony' into conversations as often as possible and is avoided at all costs during the holidays lest one become becalmed in the horse latitudes of her spleen regarding Christmas trees, "The Ref" and the hegemony of Zionist post-piety in a restructured universe of gender in-articulation.

For a full PhD at UCB in a language art, she cannot, and will not, though, write a simple, clear, understandable sentence. Think about that for a minute.

And to think my Cal state taxes pay for her office desk chair. Man.

Hegemoniously yours, etc.

J

Author J. Hall
Work Post to writers@mit.edu .

Valerie Aurora: Sleeping with the Enemy

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Jonathan Schwartz’s resignation via Twitter reminded me of a strange facet of Sun company culture: I’ve never known so many married couples working for the same company. Some of them even worked on the same project together. For the same boss. From home.

Now, the exact percentage of married couples in a company can’t be used to compare companies directly – after all, it depends heavily on things like industry, age, and local marriage laws – but it seems linked to another facet of Sun company culture: Complete, almost embarrassing disconnect from public opinion.

The post-Google standard company perks – free food, on-site exercise classes, company shuttles – make it trivial to speak only to fellow employees in daily life. If you spend all day with your co-workers, socialize only with your co-workers, and then come home and eat dinner with – you guessed it – your co-worker, you might go several years without hearing the words, “Run Solaris on my desktop? Are you f—ing kidding me?

Schwartz’s “the financial crisis did it” explanation for Sun’s demise is a symptom of an inbred company culture in which employees at all levels voluntarily isolated themselves from the larger Silicon Valley culture. Tech journalists write incessantly about the exchange of expertise and best practice between companies as a major driver of the Bay area’s success. But you have to actually talk to your competition to do that – over a beer, or maybe a pillow.

Author Valerie Aurora
Work "Sleeping with the enemy"

All American Rejects - "Gives You Hell" Quote

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And truth be told I miss you.

And truth be told I'm lying.

Author The All American Rejects
Work "Gives You Hell" Lyrics

Rob Pike's Answer to "One Tool for One Job"

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One tool for one job?

Given the nature of current operating systems and applications, do you think the idea of "one tool doing one job well" has been abandoned? If so, do you think a return to this model would help bring some innovation back to software development?

(It's easier to toss a small, single-purpose app and start over than it is to toss a large, feature-laden app and start over.)

Rob Pike: Those days are dead and gone and the eulogy was delivered by Perl.

Author Rob Pike
Work Slashdot Interview

Larry Wall about Do One Thing and Do it Well

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Or think about shell programming, and reductionism. How many times have we heard the mantra that a program should do one thing and do it well?

Well…Perl does one thing, and does it well. What it does well is to integrate all its features into one language. More importantly, it does this without making them all look like each other. Ducts shouldn't look like girders, and girders shouldn't look like ducts. Neither of those should look like water pipes, and it's really important that water pipes not look like sewer pipes. Or smell like sewer pipes. Modernism says that we should make all these things look the same (and preferably invisible). Postmodernism says it's okay for them to stick out, and to look different, because a duct ought to look like a duct, and a sewer pipe ought to look like a sewer pipe, and hammer ought to look like a hammer, and a telephone ought to look like either a telephone, or a Star Trek communicator. Things that are different should look different.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Perl, the first postmodern computer language"

Slashdot: Jokes on Slashdot

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Which is why I didn't belabor it, or introduce it out of context. I was pointing out that Firefox's scheme is only as secure as the master password you choose. The particular bad password I chose for the Spaceballs reference on the hope that it might get a chuckle or trigger a brief moment of pleasant nostalgia, forgetting that on /., every joke must be beaten to death and explained, rehashed, insulted, re-explained by someone who thinks the insult came due to unfamiliarity, etc., until all traces of humor vanish. Oh well…

Hmm… This is an old story, so this probably won't receive any mods, but I have no idea what I'd mod it if I were moderating. Flamebait/Insightful/Funny/Interesting/Off-topic maybe? Mods, if you can coordinate to apply each of those once, it would be awesome (and I'd end up with overall neutral Karma!). :-)

Author ShadowRangerRIT
Work "Re: Prettier Tool, Old Exploit"

Larry Wall Quote

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Doing linear scans over an associative array is like trying to club someone to death with a loaded Uzi.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Re: grep on keys of associative array s-l-o-w. Why?" (comp.lang.perl Usenet post)

What does "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." really mean?

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I keep hearing and reading this nice proverb if it ain't broke, don't fix it. The latest apperance was in response to Shlomi Fish suggesting that some Ancient Perl code should be replaced by Modern Perl code.

I am not saying that every pices of code should be rewritten every 6 months, but in my understanding that sentence actually translates to let's wait till it breaks and then panic.

I think people who say that sentence are afraid that the new version will break something. Sure, there is always a chance that a change introduces an error, but, if we are afraid to touch the code, what will happen when later on we encounter a case where it does not work? For example, if we need to use it in a new environment. Will we have the courage to change the code then? How much will it cost in money, time, and lost sleep?

I think we have been trying to teach ourselves that we should have really good test coverage of our code and then we can easily refactor it and get rid of technical debt. So why do we keep hearing that sentence?

Author Gabor Szabo
Work What does "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." really mean?

Gabor Szabo on "I don't know Perl."

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Often, when I ask the people I train if they know Perl, they tell me “I don't know Perl. I can only read it”. I wonder whether it indicates that Perl is not a write-only language as some people like to claim.

Author Gabor Szabo
Work Gabor Szabo (Perl programmer and trainer)

Slasdhot on Patents on Reality T.V.

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(Discussing patents on storylines.)

Hopefully someone will patent reality TV shows. I am rather sick of those.

Wait no, this wont work. You need to have a story to be able to patent it. Soon all that will be on the air is reality TV. Noooo!

Author nitehawk214
Work USPTO Issues Provisional Storyline Patent

Vanguard about Real Programmers

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Real programmers use a nice editor and a nice programming language and get it done in less than O(N!).

-- vanguard on Freenode's ##programming

Author vanguard
Work FreeNode's ##programming

Modern Fairy Tale about Short Stories

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* Juliet|Awesome should publish her short stories
cmptrgeekken can #so get a discount, juju?
Juliet|Awesome only if you say nice things about them
cmptrgeekken "This book is teh s3x"
Juliet|Awesome I'm like one of those people who is so overly critical about her writing and has such an intense fear of failure that I never… ummmm…. get around to it
madsy Juliet|Awesome: Your title can be "Kawaii". Now get to it ;-)
Juliet|Awesome Once upon a time there was midwestern computer programmer who couldn't bring herself to write the warped and tortured stories spinning round and round her sordid imagination
jessicah and then a kiwi married her and made all things right in her world
jessicah ;)
Juliet|Awesome Then she did, and it was awesome, for she was awesome. She absolutely radiated with awesomeness, so much so it gave all the kids at the nearby elementary school a rare form of leukemia and radiation sickness
Channel #stackoverflow
Network Freenode
Tagline The Awesome princess, rescued by the awesome prince on his awesome white horse

Gandhi - “An Eye for an Eye…“

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An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.

Author Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (Attributed)
Work Mohandas Gandhi's Quotes

Spaceballs - Druish Princess

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Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.

Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.

Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.

Author Mel Brooks
Work Spaceballs

UserFriendly.org: Greg at the Veterans Club

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[ Greg the tech support guy is sitting in a Veterans club along with a veteran. ]

Veteran: Tech support? What the hell kind of wussy veteran experience is that?!

Greg: Look, pal, you try to deal rationally with a horde of puerile, clueless, I-make-more-money-than-you-so-fix-this-now dorks on a daily basis and then tell me who should get a medal.

[ Pause. ]

Veteran: I…I'm sorry. I didn't know...

Greg: Buddy, you have just no idea what real pain is about.

Author Illiad
Work UserFriendly Comic Strip for 10 October, 2001

“Yo Dawg,”

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Lubaf “yo dawg, we heard you like recursion, so we put a yo dawg, we heard you like recursion, so we put a yo dawg, we heard you like recursion…”
rindolf Lubaf: :-)
Lubaf Further variation: “yo dawg, we heard you don’t like fractals.”
Channel #wikipedia
Network Freenode
Tagline Yo Dawg

There was one Napoleon…

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There was one Napoleon, one George Washington, and one me!

Author Jim Cash and Joe Epps Jr.
Work Dick Tracy (1990 film)

“If at first…”

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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Author Unknown
Work Unknown

Daniel Browning about Correct Spelling and Grammar

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In this doggy-dog world, does grammer; spelling; “or correct” quotation usage really matter anymore? I beleive not. Case and point: mitsakes is literally a diamond dozen, but they TOTALLY don’t make me want to claw my eyes out with a dull spoon. Irregardless, it begs the question: is it a mute point? For all intensive purposes, if bad enlgish would of been the downfall of society, then we’d of seen it bye now. some say teh worst problem is loosing capitalization punctuation is also an issue i think some thoughts need to be seperated or maybe its the run on sentences? Does it try your patients when I’LOL OMG Y U BFF said IDK BRB?!! OIC, the BBQ is W/E GF IKR!! 1 How bad does it get before i.e. its something up with which you will not put?

Author Daniel Browning
Work Post to the Portland Perl Mongers Mailing List

“A UDP packet walks into a bar”

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A UDP packet walks into a bar, no one acknowledges him.

A TCP packet walks into a bar twice because no one acknowledged him the first time.

An ICMP packet walks into a bar, says “Hello!” to the bartender, who then in turn runs out to tell the ICMP packet’s wife.

A BGP peer walks into a bar, exchanges contact details with every one, then leaves and… yeah I’ve probably gone over my quota for terrible jokes today.

Author Omega-00
Work You Down with UDP?

UDP Joke

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The best thing about a UDP joke is that I don’t care if you get it or not.

Author Brandon
Work You Down with UDP?

Steven Rostedt about comments and code

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Golden rule #12: When the comments do not match the code, they probably are both wrong ;)

Author Steven Rostedt
Work Post to the Linux kernel mailing list

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Way too boring, what you really want is for every package to have its own twitter account so you can tweet karma :-).

You might be on to something here! But the 140 char limit would really stifle my creativity when it comes to comments. I'd rather create facebook pages for every package - that way we could add karma by “liking” a package.

We could even take it a step farther and use this for marketing. Just imagine - “Play farmville with glibc next wednesday and learn about the great new features!”, “gdb has shared a picture with you”, “NetworkManager wants to be your friend”. Oh the possibilities …

Then again, the thought of getting an email saying “Anaconda is now following you on Twitter” also amuses me.

Author Tim Flink
Work Re: Fedora QA and Google Summer of Code 2012

Children warned name of first pet should contain 8 characters and a digit

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Popular pet names Rover, Cheryl and Kate could be a thing of the past. Banks are now advising parents to think carefully before naming their child’s first pet. For security reasons, the chosen name should have at least eight characters, a capital letter and a digit. It should not be the same as the name of any previous pet, and must never be written down, especially on a collar as that is the first place anyone would look. Ideally, children should consider changing the name of their pet every 12 weeks.

Expectant mothers have also been advised to choose carefully where they give birth. Anywhere that has a place name is best avoided. These are listed on maps, which are freely available on the Internet.

It’s a good idea too, security experts have warned, for children not to get friendly with certain teachers. For instance, Miss Smith may be enriching your son’s education but he should try and see if he can’t make a favourite of Father O’Grinnighan-Scythe II, even though it may mean a lot of staying late.

We tried to call Barclays’ security expert R0b Ste!nway for a comment, but he was not available for 24 hours, having answered his phone incorrectly three times in succession.

Author Boutros
Work NewsBiscuit Post

Why Debian May Have an Older Version of a Package

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There are a ton of reasons why Debian may have an older version of an upstream release. For example, and I hasten to point out that the following list is by no means exhaustive, and not all of the possibilities are common:

  • The Debian package maintainer is dead, but nobody noticed it yet, and nobody has wanted an update badly enough to do an NMU or to adopt the package.
  • The upstream release is actually a fake. It's a trojan, which was put there by the NSA in order to infiltrate the CIA mainframe. The Debian package maintainer noticed this and uploaded that version of the package to non-free instead of main, since the trojan code does not come with proper source.
  • Upstream has moved the RSS feed for new releases without notifying the old feed of the move, so the Debian package maintainer missed that, and doesn't actually know about the new release. Due to a complicated series of happenstance involving rainbows, midget unicorns, and the ongoing rewrite of the Netsurf web browser, the Debian package maintainer is not able to find the new feed because it would require doing a web search and their browser doesn't have working form support now. No other browser is available on the Amiga they're using as their only computer, either.
  • The new release is requested by insistent Hurd porters, and the Debian package maintainer absolutely loathes the Hurd, and will refuse to upload any packages that work on the Hurd.
  • The Debian package maintainer suffers from mental problems cause by reading debian-devel too much, and now has a nervous breakdown every time they recognize a name as someone whom they've seen on the list.
  • The Debian development process is being sabotaged by Microsoft sending people to the developers' houses pretending to be TV license checkers or Jehova's witnesses every time they detect, using the hardware wireless keylogger embedded in every PC, that the developer is trying to run any Debian packaging command.
  • Apple is also sabotaging Debian by paying me to write snarky e-mails on Debian mailing lists to distract everyone from working on the actual release, so that we can get past the freeze and start uploading things again without having to worry that it breaks things in ways that makes the freeze longer.
Author Lars Wirzenius
Work Post to debian-devel

Writing for the World

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Some European users bugged me into adding an option to limit the number of messages retrieved per session (so they can control costs from their expensive phone networks). I resisted this for a long time, and I'm still not entirely happy about it. But if you're writing for the world, you have to listen to your customers—this doesn't change just because they're not paying you in money.

Author Eric Raymond
Work The Cathedral and the Bazaar

Excerpt from “Best Thing I Never Had”

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Thank God I found the good in goodbye!

Author Beyoncé
Work “Best Thing I Never Had”

Eleanor Roosevelt Quote

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Do one thing every day that scares you.

Author Eleanor Roosevelt
Work Quote

Larry Wall: “All Truth is God’s Truth”

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I have a book on my bookshelf that I’ve never read, but that has a great title. It says, “All Truth is God’s Truth.” And I believe that. The most viable belief systems are those that can reach out and incorporate new ideas, new memes, new metaphors, new interfaces, new extensions, new ways of doing things. My goal this year is to try to get Perl to reach out and cooperate with Java. I know it may be difficult for some of you to swallow, but Java is not the enemy. Nor is Lisp, or Python, or Tcl. That is not to say that these languages don't have good and bad points. I am not a cultural relativist. Nor am I a linguistic relativist. In case you hadn't noticed. :-)

Author Larry Wall
Work Larry Wall’s “Perl Culture” Keynote

The CIA vs. The KGB vs. The Shin Bet

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A contest is being held to see which intelligence agency can find a rabbit in a forest as quickly as possible.

First, it's the CIA's turn. Using cutting edge satellite technology, deep electronic scans, and other high-tech equipment, it is able to locate the rabbit in a week.

Then, it's the KGB's turn. They install secret agents, bribe or threaten a few animals, and find the rabbit in two weeks.

Then it's the Shin Bet’s turn (the Shin Bet being the Israeli internal security agency). A week passes, and then two, and then three.

After two months, the camera zooms into the forest to see a bear tied to a tree with a Shin Bet agent slapping him saying “Admit you’re a rabbit! Admit you’re a rabbit! Admit it already, goddamnit!”

Author Israeli Joke
Work Google Plus Post

An Engineer in Hell

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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer. You are in the wrong place.”

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake. He should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”

Author Unknown
Work Joke

Joke: The Believer Rabbi

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There was a Rabbi living in Louisiana - he was great in the Torah, very friendly, extremely helpful and righteous - helps the poor, finds jobs for people, resolves feuds - everybody liked him. And he lived in a remote shack on the Louisiana coast, right before Hurricane Katrina came.

So two people arrived there in a Jeep and told the Rabbi: “Rabbi, there will be a flood, come with us so you’ll be saved.” and the Rabbi said: “No, that’s OK - God will save me.”.

And indeed it started to rain, and there was a lot of water, and so a boat arrived at the Rabbi’s house and the people there told the Rabbi: “Rabbi, there’s a flood, come with us and you’ll be saved.” and the Rabbi told them: “No, that’s OK - God will save me.” and he remained there.

And it continued to rain, and the water level went up and the Rabbi had to climb to the roof of his shack. A helicopter arrived at his shack, and the people inside told the Rabbi: “Rabbi, there’s a big flood. Come with us to safety.”, and the Rabbi said: “No, that’s OK - God will save me.”. And the Helicopter left.

The water levels rose even more, and the Rabbi drowned, and his soul went to heaven. There he confronted God and asked him: “Dear God all mighty, I have been a righteous and good man my whole life - why didn't you save me?”, and God replied “Well, I tried. I sent you a Jeep, a boat - even a helicopter - but you wouldn't accept any of them. What more could I have done?”

————

Moral of the story is: God helps them that help God help them.

Author Unknown
Work Joke

Joke: How did the Engineering Student Get His Bicycle

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Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, and said: “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

Author Unknown
Work Jokes: Comprehending Engineers

Larry Wall - The Ada Programming Language

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Once I got into industry, I wrote a compiler in Pascal for a discrete event simulator, and slavered over the forthcoming Ada specs. As a linguist, I don't think of Ada as a big language. Now, English and Japanese, those are big languages. Ada is just a medium-sized language.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Excerpt from “Bad Grammar” by James at War

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I’m worser at superlatives.
And I don’t ever use no double negatives.

Author James at War
Work “Bad Grammar”

Excerpt from Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett

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It was a good storm. There was quite effective projection and passion there, and critics agreed that if it would only learn to control its thunder it would be, in years to come, a storm to watch.

Author Terry Pratchett
Work Wyrd Sisters

Excerpt from Harvey Danger’s “Wine, Women, and Song”

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I figured wrong (with a capital R).

Author Harvey Danger
Work “Wine, Women, and Song”

Joke: Praying at the Western Wall

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In Jerusalem, an American female journalist heard about an old Rabbi who visited the Kotel, the Western Wall to pray twice a day every day for over five decades.

In an effort to check out the story, she goes to the holy site and there he is. She watches the old man at prayer and after about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview. “I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN, sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?”

“For about 50 years,” he informs her. “That’s amazing! What do you pray for?” “I pray for peace between the Jews and Arabs. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all of our children to grow up in safety and friendship.”

“And how do you feel, sir, after doing this for 50 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a brick wall!”

Author Unknown
Work Joke

Lawrence Lessig: Rewarding the Critics

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I find it insanely difficult to read these comments [to my blog posts]. Not because they’re bad or mistaken, but mainly because I have very thin skin. There’s a direct correlation between what I read and pain in my gut. Even unfair and mistaken criticism cuts me in ways that are just silly. If I read a bad comment before bed, I don’t sleep. If I trip upon one when I’m trying to write, I can be distracted for hours. I fantasize about creating an alter ego who responds on my behalf. But I don’t have the courage for even that deception. So instead, my weakness manifests itself through the practice (extraordinarily unfair to the comment writer) of sometimes not reading what others have said.

So then why do I blog all? Well, much of the time, I have no idea why I do it. But when I do, it has something to do with an ethic I believe that we all should live by. I first learned it from a judge I clerked for, Judge Richard Posner. Posner is without a doubt the most significant legal academic and federal judge of our time, and perhaps of the last hundred years. He was also the perfect judge to clerk for. Unlike the vast majority of appeals court judges, Posner writes his own opinions. The job of the clerk was simply to argue. He would give us a draft opinion, and we’d write a long memo in critique. He’d use that to redraft the opinion.

I gave Posner comments on much more than his opinions. In particular, soon after I began teaching he sent me a draft of a book, which would eventually become Sex and Reason. Much of the book was brilliant. But there was one part I thought ridiculous. And in a series of faxes (I was teaching in Budapest, and this was long before e-mail was generally available), I sent him increasingly outrageous comments, arguing about this section of the book.

The morning after I sent one such missive, I reread it, and was shocked by its abusive tone. I wrote a sheepish follow-up, apologizing, and saying that of course, I had endless respect for Posner, blah, blah, and blah. All that was true. So too was it true that I thought my comments were unfair. But Posner responded not by accepting my apology, but by scolding me. And not by scolding me for my abusive fax, but for my apology. “I’m surrounded by sycophants,” he wrote. “The last thing in the world I need is you to filter your comments by reference to my feelings.”

I was astonished by the rebuke. But from that moment on, I divided the world into those who would follow (or even recommend) Posner’s practice, and those who wouldn’t. And however attractive the anti-Posner pose was, I wanted to believe I could follow his ethic: Never allow, or encourage, the sycophants. Reward the critics. Not because I’d ever become a judge, or a public figure as important as Posner. But because in following his example, I would avoid the worst effects of the protected life (as a tenured professor) that I would lead.

Author Lawrence Lessig
Work Remix: Making Art and Commerce Thrive in the Hybrid Economy

Gabor Szabo: Yak Shaving

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I was lucky as Ricardo SIGNES was also awake who explained that actually he has stopped using Module::Starter as he is writing Dist::Zilla that provides much better project management capabilities. I pointed him at my blog entry and after reading it he asked me if I know the expression yak shaving. I've heard it, actually I even read about it in in The Productive Programmer I mentioned earlier in The Quest for the Perfect Editor but I did not really understand it.

Actually, I think I understood it back when I read the book but promptly forgotten it as I did not have any way to connect the expression to the actions or lack of actions.

I was so lucky to find Ricardo there, as he explained:

  • I need to fix this bug, but first I better eat something so I don’t get tired.
  • So I'm going to have some cereal, but I'm out of milk.
  • So I'll go get some milk. But I heard that yak milk is the best, so I'll go out to Nepal to find a yak.
  • But they're all so hairy, I can't get to their udders.
  • So, first I'll just shave the yak.

This is just the way you have to teach. Now I can remember it much more easily.

Author Gabor Szabo
Work “Yak Shaving” Blog Post

“If a tree falls down in the middle of the forest…”

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If a tree falls down in the middle of the forest, and there’s no one there to hear it… what colour is the tree?

Author Ron Gilbert
Work Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge

Tim Berners-Lee, the World Wide Web, and the Dexter Model

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Tim Berners-Lee's abandonment of the Dexter Model for hypertext a hypertext model where all links must be resolvable at all times was (IMHO) the single biggest factor in creating a successful World Wide Web.

Before the Web, hypertext systems were assumed to have all links resolvable at all times. This was not a robust design. Now, you would think this would be more robust than the Web but it fails even for single-file hypertext systems. Early in my career, I realized that computer systems were not 100% reliable, so if wanted to create software that failed safe (or at least failed soft), you had to account for errors at every step of the way. A single-file hypertext system can still fail if access to the single file is disturbed. Across the Internet, where all computers on the Internet have not been all up at the same time since the late 1970's (and possibly not even then), you cannot build a Dexter Model hypertext system because not all of your links can be resolved all of the time.

Microsoft's Help system has become much more usable since they went to a Web (i.e. HTML) based-system. At the risk of being redundant, even if you have a lint program to verify all hypertext links and destinations, file access errors will derail your hypertext system when you use a all-resolvable-all-the-time design (and I don't know if Microsoft had such a lint tool).

It boils down to handling failures with at least a small amount of grace. Unix/Linux systems handle errors much better than Microsoft Windows 1.0-3.x systems because processes can handle out-of-bounds memory errors better (Windows NT and its descendants fall in-between Unix/Linux and 16-bit Windows). I once wrote a Perl 4-based server that would run for months at a time because it could either recover gracefully from an error or stop gracefully upon an error. The Web runs as well as it does because the software systems handle link errors with a small amount of grace, rather than just throwing up their hands or dying horribly. Thank Tim Berners-Lee and his fellow designers for the reliability of the Web we have today.

Author Mark Leighton Fisher
Work “Tim Berners-Lee, the World Wide Web, and the Dexter Model” blog post