Subversion Fortune Cookies [satire]

About

These are fortune cookies related to the Subversion version control system.

( Note: on chat services, I tend to use the nicknames "rindolf" or "shlomif". )

Table of Contents

The Fortunes Themselves

A typical day on #svn, the Subversion channel

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rindolfsussman: I get a " " instead of "!"
sussman!!
sussmanfor the parent directory?
* sussmanbanishes libsvn_wc into the underworld
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

The Subversion developers acting like children on #svn

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kfogelheh
kfogelsussman just filed a dup, sussman just filed a dup, sussman just fi
* epgpoints and laughs at sussman
kfogeleveryone: point and laugh at sussman
* kfogelhears the raucous, hyena-like sound of #svn laughing at sussman
* sussmancrumbles
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Writing a BitKeeper Replacement

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Writing a BitKeeper replacement is probably easier at this point than getting its license changed.

Matt Mackall on OFTC.net #offtopic.

P.S: Matt Mackall has eventually projected Mercurial, which is a version control system, and an alternative to BitKeeper.

AuthorMatt Mackall
Published2008-07-04

Internal Microsoft Code

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Sometimes I think Microsoft has more internal code than code it sells to the outside.

Shlomi Fish

AuthorShlomi Fish
Published2008-07-04

Subversion: Contributing Member

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Great. Just Great. I wanted to remain a lazy leech, just using the selfless work others have done on subversion for my own personal advantage. The problem is, as soon as I read HACKING and learn how to submit a patch and begin by contributing something as tiny as a FAQ fix, I'll be hooked, and I'll start to become a contributing member of society. Next, I'm afraid I'll want to tackle a bite-sized task and help fix bugs and develop the product. (You guys are so sneaky!!) :-)

(“Sorry, Honey. Can you take care of that? I have to submit another svn patch…”)

Steve Dwire on the Subversion Development List

AuthorSteve Dwire
WorkPost to svn-dev
Published2008-07-04

What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?

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What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?
Is he gone?
Is he gone for good?
Is he gone for better?
Is he gone for best?
Is he gone forever?
Will he return?
Who is Christopher Michael Pilato, anyway?

Shlomi Fish

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAdapted from an IRC Monologue
Published2008-07-04

Discussing the Subversion Build System in #svn.

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rindolfsussman: for the record, I think the build system is the ultimate proof that python code can be as bad as Perl one.
* clkaogiggles
jackrhehe
* rindolfhopes he's not starting a flamewar
clkaobtw, freebsd svn port maintainer was complaining about unable to do --with-swig specifying only perl or python bindings to build..
* cmpilatonotes that the topic of this channel is Subversion.
clkao(so he refused to include the option for building either bindings in the port!)
rindolfI once saw a perl5 code written in perl4 style. Now that was hideous.
fitzcomplicated != bad
fitz"Building is complicated--that's why build systems are complicated." --kfogel
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Python vs. Perl on #svn

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rindolfIs gstein the person to blame for the anti-Perl FUD on http://viewcvs.sf.net/?
sussmanyes.
cmpilatolikely. . . .
ghudsonSubversion used to be this amazing nest of anti-perl people. That's calmed down a bit... largely because Greg Stein has been distracted. :)
rindolfI personally am a Perl guy who despises Python, but can still tolerate the Subversion tests because they are actually shell scripts in disguise.
* jackrthinks there are other Python-loving Perl haters around
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

#svn - Faster Checkouts

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sussmanwow.
sussmanso 0.33 is gonna have way faster checkouts/updates in both network layers.
sussmanthat's fantastic.
josanderhow is this compared to http, svn-ssh and cvs: svn co floppy:// ? Has anyone measured this?
ghudsonfloppy://?
sussmanhehehe
josanderyes, the floppy network. -:)
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

#svn while releasing svn 0.34

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sussmanrollin rollin rollin
sussmankeep that tarball rollin
plasmabalo/~ roll roll roll the ball o/~
plasmabalo/~ gently down the stream o/~
sussmanroll the plasma ball?
* plasmabalroll~~~ #svn
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

kfogel is Paranoid on #svn

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kfogelghudson: there was a three hour difference, so people would have noticed the warnings
kfogelbut yes, that's the only difference
kfogeli.e., you could theoretically test with the current test tarball
ghudsonYeah, not important for my purposes, is what I meant.
* kfogelis super paranoid and prefers testing of the real tarball, but has retained just enough sanity to know that this is paranoia...
kfogel"Why, what could *possibly* go wrong?"
* fitzwatches kfogel's hair spontaneously combust
kfogelarrrrgh
CIAkfogel committed revision 7737: * CHANGES: Mention APR req upgrade for 0.33.
* roonegwonders how kfogel will deal with having burning hair...
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

#svn - Red Hat 9

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sussmanghudson: what OS did you compile the tarball on?
ghudsonRed Hat 9.
sussmanme too, hm.
* sussmanwishes he were still using freebsd, for diversity's sake
* fitzwishes sussman were a chocolate cake
fitzmmmm... cake...
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

#svn - Commit Thuds

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roonegweird, mine and jack's come out way too fast with this player... but the others all work fine.
roonegand after hearing them all, i have two things to say: first, it must be really amusing hearing that stuff randomly throughout the day in the office, and two, cmike spent far too long on his ;-)
sussmanrooneg: yours and jack's got corrupted
sussmancmpilato goofed when converting from mp3 to ogg
sussmanhe's gonna fix it, tho
roonegcool
* roonegconsiders filing a critical issue about the problem ;-)
sussmanheh
roonegobviously this will block any 1.0 release
sussmanindeed.
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Swedish Chef on #svn

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mbkbork bork bork
saborsvn mv mbk "swedish chef"
breserROFL
mbksvn revert
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Petting stuff on #svn

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CIAsussman committed revision 6517: A minimal C client app, for demonstration purposes. Now we can point
* sussmanpets CIA again
* rindolfpets sussman again
sussmaneep
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

What CIA Watches on #svn

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kfogelrindolf: CIA watches much more than just Subversion. Google on it (uh, include the word "commit" too I guess), the details are quite interesting.
fitzit's currently watching kfogel's houseplants
kfogelrindolf: If you don't know Fitz, you'll probably assume he's joking.
sussmango into #commits
sussmanyou can see all the CIA commits for different opensource projects
kfogel...which is to say, all the commits.
kfogelmuwah-ha-hah-hah-haaaaah
* fitzhides
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

A typical day at #svn (the Subversion channel)

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* rindolfis compiling the Mozilla 1.6 RPM now
* dspwhispers, "Firebird"
* sussmanwhispers, "Galeon"
* theoddbotwhispers "Safari"
sussmanAh, Linux. Have it Your Way.
* rindolfwonders why so many people are whispering
sussmanshhhhh!
* rindolfshouts "Stop the whispering insanity!"
* theoddbotwhispers "What’s up with that rindolf guy ?"
* sussmansays, "when did we all get trapped in a MUD"?
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Huge Repository on #svn - the Subversion channel.

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jackrclkao: I have a 1.25TB CVS repo that I'm afraid they'll ask me to convert
sussmanfear!
jackr... and loathing!
clkaoyou must! since you're @collab
clkaoheh
sussmanindeed.
jackrIt would probably go into several SVN repos (there are no boundaries inside CVS, so it's not necessarily 1::1). But individual pieces are often much bigger than 10.5GB
sussmanfear, indeed.
* sussmancovers his eyes, ears, and mouth.
sussman"there's no problem here"
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

A not-so-typical day at #svn.

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rindolfHmmmppf... sussman is not here?
rindolfWhat is #svn without sussman?
rindolfIt's like a cat without a moustache!
dionisos:-)
fitzheh
dionisosmaybe we need a stand-in-sussman..!
rindolfdionisos: a sussman-bot
dionisosyea. working on *that* though...
* dionisosis now known as sussman-temp
→sussmanhas joined #svn
* ChanServgives channel operator status to sussman
rindolfsussman-temp: oops!
* sussman-tempis now known as dionisos
rindolfhi sussman
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Murder and Mayhem at #svn - The Subversion Channel.

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* rindolffeels a desire for mayhem and murder of the Subversion developers
darixrindolf: don't do this!
darixwe still need them
rindolfdarix: heh heh right.
rindolfOf course, I am a Subversion developer, too.
* darixgives rindolf a sword
darixdo harakiri then ... that keeps us enough other devs ;p
darixand you killed at least one of them ;)
* rindolffeels a desire for mayhem and murder of darix
* rindolftakes darix' sword and uses it to stab darix
DigiGuyYAY!
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

All alone on #svn - The Subversion Channel.

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rindolfHi all
rindolfsussman: here?
rindolfkfogel: here?
rindolffitz: here?
rindolfAm I alone in the world?
rindolfHave everyone abandoned me?
rindolfWhy doesn't anybody answer?
* rindolfstarts to cry
sussmanhere
* rindolfstops crying
* rindolfhugs sussman
* rindolfwhispers to him "I'm so glad you're back"
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

"If only SVN were Arch" on #svn - The Subversion Channel.

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rindolfOh! Subversion, Subversion! If only you were Arch!
* sussmanhands svk to rindolf
* rindolfwhispers "Or BitKeeper!" and runs.
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

"Real IDE" on #svn - The Subversion Channel.

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sussmanyou need to use gdb in a real IDE, like emacs, or ddd.
sussmansomething that shows a pointer moving down your code.
rindolfsussman: IDEs are for wimps... ;-)
rindolfSeriously, sometimes invoking gdb is very quick and I'm accustomed to it.
rindolfddd is quite on the heavy side.
rindolf"Programming happens in the mind, not in the IDE" --- Gil'ad Ben-Yossef
rindolfSo does debugging.
sussmansure.
sussmanwhy would you possibly want to see all your code at once?
sussmanit's much easier to see single lines printed out and try to remember what the function looks like. :-)
rindolfed, anyone? ;-)
rindolf"I wanna use ex and I wanna use vee (=vi). Ed is dead, ed is dead, baby!"
sussman"Ed is for people who can *remember* what they're working on."
* jackrremembers when he could remember what he was working on. Sometimes.
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Bot playing at #svn - the Subversion Channel.

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sussmanayita: learn ayita=ayita?
ayitaI'll try to remember 'ayita?' about 'ayita'.
sussmanayita?
ayitaayita?
sussmanno infinite loop, unfortunately.
dionisoslol :-)
rindolfsubversion?
ayitasubversion is a Next-Generation Open Source Version Control System (with a space at the beginning)
dionisossander tried her to get to leave when she first came in :-)
dionisosgiving here some \n string
rindolfayita: learn subversion=subversion is a Next-Generation Open Source Version Control System
ayitarindolf: you're not authorised to tell me that.
* rindolfkills dionisos
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

"Write an Info-bot" on #svn - The Subversion Channel.

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rindolfWhat should I do now? Use printf's?
rindolfTalking about retro.
dionisosno. write an info-bot.
rindolfa gdb info-bot?
dionisossure.
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Physical violence at #svn - The Subversion Channel.

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rindolfHow can I best install Subversion on a Debian Stable system?
breserrindolf: Presumably with apt.
rindolfbreser: subversion is not present in Debian Stable, and installing it from testing or unstable may require upgrading half if not more of the system.
rindolfAnd I know what apt is.
* rindolfkicks breser so he won't give obvious but useless answers like Microsoft support persons.
* breserkicks rindolf so he won't ask vague questions that result in obvious but useless responses when he already knows the obvious but useless response is the obvious response to give.
* rindolfkicks breser for no reason at all.
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Looking for sussman, at #svn, the Subversion Channel.

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rindolfsussman's been idle for 15 minutes.
rindolfAnd I need to talk to him.
rindolfsussman, oh sussman! Where art thou, sussman?
rindolfOr is it "wherefore"?
arild_fThe shakespearian version is "wherefore", IIRC
rindolfWhere have all the sussmans gone? (Long time passing)
rindolfWhere have all the sussmans gone? (Long time ago)
rindolfWhere have all the sussmans gone? They've been idle, everyone.
rindolfWhen will they ever learn?
rindolfWhen will they ever learn?
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Discussing the beauties of men adopting their wife's maiden name on on #svn - The sussman^W Subversion channel.

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rindolfsussman: people mock your name (= Ben Collins-Sussman) here: http://tinyurl.com/5vl69
rindolfsussman: and it's the only comments I got regarding the interview except for kfogel's
sussmanrindolf: I replied.
rindolfsussman: reloading
rindolfsussman: 220$ for a last name change? Holy virgin mother of god!
sussmanwhy?
rindolfsussman: but if you were Ben Collins, people would have confused you with BenC. And no-one will understand who "sussman" is.
rindolfsussman: $220 is a lot of money, especially in Israel.
sussmanHorrible sexist discrimination, really. I had to pay $400 and swear in front of a judge, to get my name changed.
sussmanMy wife had to do nothing. She just showed her marriage license, and instantly got a new ID.
rindolfsussman: another fortune cookie coming right up.
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

#svn's tribute to "Finding Nemo"

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darixoooooooooooooooooooooh noooooooooooooo
rindolfdarix: what's wrong?
rindolfWhat's wrooooooooooooooooooooooooooong
darixrindolf: sussman is gone.
rindolfI can speak whale.
rindolfCaaaaaaaaaan yoooooooouuuuuuu speaaaaaaaakkkkkkkk whaaaaaaaaaaaale?
edmundha ha
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Baby talk at Freenode's #svn, the Subversion Channel.

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rindolfsussman: have your wife and you decided what your newborn is going to be called?
DannyB"Baby Sussman"
PerlJamSussbaby
DannyBSussman 2.0
PerlJamminisuss
DannyBSuss SFF
rindolf5|_|55m/-\n
DannyBSussman baby edition
Rytmis_Ben Mini?
rindolfWill he have a last name of Collins-Sussman as well, or just Sussman?
PerlJamrindolf: he may have a completely different last name! Why limit the selection so? ;)
sussmanheh
sussmanno names yet
sussmanyes, twill be collins-sussman
rindolfCollman or Susslis.
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

PEBKAC - Freenode #svn - The Subversion channel.

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rindolfSuccess!!!
rindolfI discovered another copy-and-paste-bug and now everything is working. In Perl.
rindolfProblem between the keyboard and the chair.
RytmisThe most common sort
rindolf_My_ keyboard and chair.
RytmisI stand by my statement *grin*
rindolfThat's the problem with starting from a code that does things differently, and does more.
rindolfIt's a good thing I wrote this test case.
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

"Who killed ayita?" on Freenode #svn, The Subversion Channel.

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rindolfayita: kfogel interview is http://developers.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=05/07/27/1555228
ayitaThanks!
rindolfayita: good girl.
rindolfayita: kfogel interview?
rindolfayita: kfogel interview?
* Dave`smells ayita timing out
darixayita: index kfogel.*
darixyou killed her it seems
rindolfdarix: LOL
davidjamesIt's not nice to hurt people
Dave`Oh my god, they killed ayita!
sussmanhiiiiiiiiiidey ho!
* rindolfquickly finds someone else to blame.
rindolfa scape-goat!
rindolfsussman: you'll be the ideal scape-goat for the murder of ayita.
sussmanI think you'd be good at the 'werewolf' game
rindolf"You know it would be the easiest thing to blame it on Nanny."
rindolf"Let's do it then."
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Freenode #svn's Quest for the Holy Grail

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rindolfsussman: don't say the BK-word...
clkaodude, no one mentioned bk until you did
rindolfclkao: <sussman> just like most of the decentralized SCMs, like arch, BitKeeper, etc.
rindolf"We are the knights who say "BitKeeper"."
danderson"We are NO LONGER the knights who say "BitKeeper". We are the knights who say "git git git cogito Linus!".
rindolfdanderson: "Subversion!". "Bleh, that's one word that the knights who say "git git git cogito Linus!" cannot hear."
rindolf"What is your name?" "What is your quest?" "What is the asymptotic complexity of the Subversion delta algorithm."
rindolf"Which one? vdelta or xdelta?"
dandersonwhat do you mean, xdelta or vdelta?
rindolf"I don't know!"
* rindolffalls into the chasm
danderson"How come you know so much about delta algorithms? - Well, you have to know these things when you're a committer."
Channel#svn
NetworkFreenode
Published2008-07-04

Versioning 3-D Objects

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Hi,

a friend of mine runs a small restaurant and wants to professionalize his IT. Our idea was to store everything in subversion (we use Debian with svn 1.3). We had absolutely no problems with the 2D objects, converting recipes to ASCII and storing them was peanuts. However the 3D objects are giving us a headache - the forks and knifes are stuck in the keyboard, we even destroyed a floppy drive trying to read an apple.

Any ideas how we can still use SVN to store everything?

Konrad Rosenbaum on the Subversion Users' mailing list
http://svn.haxx.se/users/archive-2006-04/0008.shtml
1 April 2006

AuthorKonrad Rosenbaum
WorkPost to svn-users on 1 April 2006
Published2008-07-04

Slashdot Comment about Subversion vs. Git

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Linus isn't saying that CVS and Subversion have fixable bugs or missing features. It's not about the code.

He is saying that they solve the wrong problem. The Subversion team wants to solve Problem A, and Linus wants to solve Problem B. No amount of code will turn the solution to Problem A into a solution for Problem B. Bothering the Subversion team with code addressing Problem B will only irritate them, since they're working on Problem A.

The right way to handle differing goals is to start a different project. That's what he did.

Don't be confused by the labels. Source Code Management means different things to different people, and there isn't always much overlap in how each person defines it. Ships and airplanes are both 'vehicles', but that doesn't mean that a few changes will turn one to the other.

Authorzzatz
WorkSlashdot Comment
Published2008-07-04

Subversion: Linus and Keywords Substitution

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Regarding keyword substitution: It turns out that Linus thinks it's a
horrible idea: http://kerneltrap.org/mailarchive/git/2006/10/9/223932

His argument is that it may destroy binary files.

This is bogus since keyword-substitution is *off* by default. It will occur only for files that were explicitly marked for substitution. For example in subversion:

svn propset svn:keywords "Id Author Revision" *.h *.c

As a substitute (pun intended) for the lack in this feature he gives a hand crafted, build system dependent, manual (i.e: error prone) method.

What a lame excuse.

AuthorOron Peled
WorkPost to the Haifa Linux Club mailing list
Published2008-07-04

Dazjorz on bzr

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bzr is slower than Subversion in combination with SourceForge.

Dazjorz (17-September-2009)

AuthorDazjorz
WorkChat with Shlomi Fish
Published2009-09-26

sussman on git #1

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Computer Scientists love git, not just because it comes first alphabetically, but because it's stupid. Everyone else loves git because it's GIT!

"Git is the stupid content tracker."

And git doesn't waste space on my Newton MessagePad. Just look:

-rwxr-xr-x 1 root 24 Oct 29 2009 /bin/git
-rwxr-xr-t 4 root 1310720 Jan 1 2005 /usr/bin/hg
-rwxr-xr-x 1 root 5.89824e37 Oct 22 2001 /usr/local/subversion/bin/svn

Of course, on the system *I* administrate, hg is symlinked to git. svn has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslog message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 10GB; and 3) RUNS GIT!!!!!!

"Git is the stupid content tracker."

AuthorBen Collins-Sussman
WorkGit, man! man git
Published2009-09-26

sussman on git #2

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"Git is the stupid content tracker."

Git, the greatest WYGIWYG revision control system of all.

GIT IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA! GIT HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES! GIT WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS!! GIT IS THE STUPID CONTENT TRACKER! GIT MAKES THE SUN SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!! GIT WAS HANDED DOWN TO US FROM LINUS UPON THE MOUNTAIN, AND LINUX USERS SHALL NOT WORSHIP ANY OTHER TRACKER!

When I use a version control system, I don't want eight extra MEGABYTES of worthless HTTP protocol support. I just want to GIT on with my coding! I don't want to subvert away or mercurialize! Those aren't even WORDS!!! GIT! GIT! GIT IS THE STUPID!!!

CONTENT TRACKER.

When Linus, in his ever-present omnipotence, needed to base his patch juggling habits on existing tools, did he mimic svn? No. Hg? Surely you jest. He created the most karmic version tracker of all. The stupid one.

Git is for those who can *remember* what project they are working on. If you are an idiot, you should use subversion. If you are subversive, you should not be mercurial. If you use GIT, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. THE SO-CALLED "FRIENDLY" SCM SYSTEMS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY GIT TO TEMPT THE FAITHLESS. DO NOT GIVE IN!!! THE MIGHTY LINUS HAS SPOKEN!!!

AuthorBen Collins-Sussman
WorkGit, man! man git
Published2009-09-27