Humanity - The Movie - Ongoing Text (a parody about humanity and modern life in particular) [possible satire]
Intelligent (?) and Conscious (?) People
Abstract
Humanity is a screenplay for a movie that aims to be a parody about humanity and modern life in particular. It tells the story of a day in the life of a Semitic city in Canaan circa the year 500 B.C. Each scene is dedicated to one of the city’s elements: The Cathedral (OK - an altar with a priest), the Bazaar, the Well, the Wall, etc.
The original Humanity project, back in 2000 was my opening shot of the the open content / Web 2.0 revolution aiming to be a "bazaar-style" collaborative project for writing a screenplay. It failed due to the clunky CVS UI, but nowadays collaboratively written screenplays are common - only using wiki software or git DVCS or similar.
Voice: Earth - the initial frontier. Somewhere in the depths of space, on a remote planet you know as Earth, came up a relatively uncommon phenomenon: Civilization. What it means is that intelligent,
[ A text on the screen with a beep - (?) ]
Voice: Conscious
[ A text on the screen with the same beep - (?) ]
Voice: Stop it!
[ A text on the screen with a different beep - (!) ]
Voice: Like I said, intelligent, conscious, people formed cities and countries, with a technology that became more and more advanced in time.
Voice: In this motion picture, we will take a typical city of this civilization in its beginning, and examine its dominant elements.
[ As the voice continues to narrate, the Earth comes to focus somewhere around Palestine and the Eastern Jordan Side ]
[ An Altar is shown with a priest standing nearby and several people around him bringing goats, sheep, etc. ]
The Priest: Next, next, who’s next?
Man: I am.
The Priest: Hey Joseph! You’ve been here last… two weeks ago, right?
Joseph: Right!
The Priest: OK. Tell me what you’ve been from then up to now?
Joseph: Well, I did a lot of good deeds: I helped my friends, taught my children a few things... the works.
The Priest: Excellent. Did you do anything that could have appeased any of the gods?
Joseph: Well, I lied.
The Priest: What for?
Joseph: To protect a friend.
The Priest: Well, the god of Honesty is mad at you and the god of friendship is happy from you. They are equal in rank, and so they will sort it out between the two of them.
Joseph: I also broke a pot my wife prepared. A very nice pot, by the way.
The Priest: That’s not good - you have made both the goddess of pottery and the goddess of marriage a little angry. You did not do it on purpose?
Joseph: No.
The Priest: OK. I’d say we could take two legs of the sheep you brought each for these two godesses. And we’ll take the rest for the rest of the gods and for eating. By the way, [Loudly] everyone should know that four days from now, I’m going to hold the festival of all the minor gods that no-one ever remembers. I’m going to read the list of all the 2,100 of them as the central event of it.
The Crowd: “No, forget it!”, “No Way I’m going to attend that!”, etc.
The Priest: OK. I can have 10 people each read 210 entries.
A person from the crowd: How about 20?
The Priest: Super. Like I said, 20 people will each read 105 entries, so be there.
[ A typical Semitic market with lots of commotion. Eventually, the camera focuses on a salesman trying to sell a very large fish, for the price of two Shekels. (This is too much money - we need a more reasonable price.)
Eventually, there comes a loud sound of drumming and percussion instruments, and a singer appears in the clearance, and starts singing, while waving a medium-sized fish: ]
Performer: Buy the fish, Buy the fish, Who wants to buy the fish? Buy the fish, Buy the fish, Buy the fish now.
Performer: Buy the fish, Buy the fish, Who wants to buy the fish? Buy the fish, Buy the fish, Buy the fish now.
Shouts from the crowd: “3 Shekels”, “4 Shekels”.
[ He continues: ]
[ Cut to the original fishmonger, he looks amazed ]
Performer: If you want prepare a dish, you have got to buy the fish, so everybody, save your quiche, Everybody - buy the fish!
Shouts from the crowd: “5 Shekels”, “6 Shekels”.
The Singer: Sold for 6 Shekels.
[ Eventually the commotion clears up, and the fishmonger with the large fish, starts to shout again: ]
Fishmonger: One large fish! Two Shekels! One large fish! Two Shekels! One large fish! Two Shekels!
[ The Well is shown. Three women (Vered, Meirav and Hadas) are standing nearby with large pots near them. They are chatting. ]
Meirav: So I was saying to Berta: look, we can’t possibly make this any harder.
Hadas: I understand what you mean.
[ Vered looks straight at the camera. She moves towards it, and eventually looks very close at it. ]
Vered: Nah…
Vered: Hey, you know? I always have the feeling that someone is watching us and recording everything we do with a device, that allows a playback of it.
Hadas: Vered, we always get this feeling. Now, basically what I was saying…
Vered: But of course it is impossible with our current technological state. But what if someone built a time machine... Herrrgh, Maybe I’m just paranoid.
Meirav: Vered, why do you have to talk about philosophy all the time? Why can’t you gossip and talk about nonsense?
Vered: I hate gossip, and I hate nonsense.
[ The Men Arrive. ]
Vered: It is about time you arrived.
Hadas: Yeah. It takes 3 of you to move this stone but at least 6 of us.
Man #1: Well, that’s life.
Man #2: Yeah, who is John Galt?
Vered: I never understood this expression. Oh well, who is John Galt?
Man #1: OK. Let’s move it.
Man #2: You know, I heard of a guy called Moses who could move a stone like this all by himself.
The Inventor’s Voice from outside the frame: That’s because he was using the Mosesium 3000!
Man #3: I beg your pardon?
[ The Inventor enters the frame with his invention, which looks suspiciously like a lever. ]
The Inventor: With this ingenious invention, one man can move this stone all by himself. Wanna try?
Man #1: OK. I’ll try.
The Inventor: OK. First we tie the stone to the ropes here.
[ He ties the stone. ]
The Inventor: Now lift the other hand.
Man #1:[After lifting the stone.] Wow, it’s so easy! Look, I can move the stone here [moves it to the left], and here [ moves it to the right].
The Inventor: No! No! Don’t misuse it.
[ The stone falls down on the well, splits into two pieces which both fall down the well. The men are amazed. ]
The Inventor: Don’t worry! I can get down and tie the ropes to each stone and we can lift them up in a flash...
[ Long shot of the wall with its wall-side houses. ]
Tour Guide: Everybody come here, come here.
[ A group of tourists enters the frame. ]
Tour Guide: We are now on the wall. The wall is one of the most important parts of the city. A city cannot exist without a wall. Therefore, it can be said that “The Wall Exists”.
Tourist #1: I beg your pardon?
Tour Guide: Yes?
Tourist #1: Does the wall exist in the same way that “Existence Exists”?
Tour Guide: No. The Wall Exists, therefore Existence Exists.
[ A shot of the gate fades into the screen. Two guards are standing there. ]
Guard #1: You know. Almost nothing ever happens around here. Most of the day nothing happens. And occasionally a merchant or a traveller comes and wishes to enter the city. So we charge him money, and he enters the town. And we hardly ever remember him.
Guard #2: Well, it’s a dirty job and somebody’s got to do it. Hey! Here comes a merchant.
Merchant: Hi! I’d like to enter this city and remain here for a day or two.
Guard #1: Fine by me. That would be one Shekel, please.
Merchant: One Shekel! You must be mad. What possible things could this town have anyway?
Guard #1: Well, it has a Cathedral, a Bazaar, a couple of wells, a Wall, this Gate - the works.
Merchant: I have a feeling that I’ll regret ever entering this town, but whatever.
Guard #1: As the son of Gileg, I guarantee that you won’t be disappointed.
Merchant: Do you mean that you are the son of Gileg - that pitiful son of Ham?
Guard #1: Gileg is not the son of Ham; he is the son of Shem. And you are the son of whom, by any chance?
Merchant: The son of Emor, why?
Guard #1: You are a son of Emor, who was Ham’s child, therefore I hate your guts.
Merchant: No, you are a son of Gileg, who was Ham’s child, therefore I hate your guts.
[ They start to fight. Only unclear shouts and accusations. ]
Guard #1:[Raises his hand.] Tell you what, let’s settle it by saying that I hate you and you hate me?
Merchant: But we are cool, right?
Guard #1: Sure!
[ An Egyptian Merchant comes by. ]
Egyptian Merchant: I could not help but hear your conversation. If I had accepted this Semite family tree, I would have to say that Ham was the most noble son of Noah.
[ Guard No. 1 and the Merchant turn to look at each other. They are puzzled. ]
Merchant: So you hate both of us, and we both hate you?
Egyptian: That’s right!
Merchant: But we’re cool?
Egyptian: We’re cool.
Guard #2: OK, let’s cut this family matters fight. You, please pay him a Shekel. And you, the proud son of Ham, please state your affairs at this town.
[ Long shot of a street, two neighbours are talking. One of them is Gideon. ]
Gideon: Blah blah.
[ The conversation goes on. While in it a young man walks down the street three times. In the third time, Gideon asks him. ]
Gideon: Excuse me: I noticed you are constantly walking down that street. May I ask why?
Young man: Really? It’s just that I’m from a different neighbourhood and I just thought that if I turn left all the time I’ll scan the whole neighbourhood.
Gideon: No, this won’t work. You see: if you turn left here [shows with his hand], go along the street, and then turn left here, [the young man turns his head around], and then left here [again, he twists his head], and here, you’ll be in the same place where you started.
Young man: Of course! But wait a second - I remember an in-genius algorithm by my cousin, Daniel…
Gideon: You mean the crazy inventor whose invention clogged up our well today?
Young man: Yeah! Anyway he said that you just have to put your hand on the wall, like this [ puts his hand on the right wall relative to the camera ] and then by keeping it on the same wall, you’ll go throughout the entire maze. I’ll do it, thanks! [He starts to walk.]
Gideon: Hold on! It won’t work.
Young man: Why?
Gideon: Because this block is surrounded by four streets, and you’ll end up going around it again and again. Again.
Young man:[Thinks about it for a moment.] You’re right. Daniel said something about it, and he said he had an improved algorithm, that did not have this limitation…
Gideon: Wanna hear my algorithm?
Young man: Yes.
Gideon: Ask someone!
Young man:[Thinks for a moment.] That could work. Do you know where Yossef Ben-Dov lives?
Gideon: Sure! Right here. [ He points to a nearby house. ]
City Head: OK. Here we are gathered for our monthly town council. Is anything on the agenda?
[ The Inventor raises his hand. ]
City Head: Yes?
The Inventor: Life sucks.
City Head: Can you elaborate on the subject?
The Inventor: I just invented the lever, 300 years before Archimedes, and no-one seemed to have noticed. It seems like we’re not going anywhere. There’s absolutely no advancement.
[ Other people of the city start shouting at him. ]
Person No. 1: Well, if you care so much about your invention, you can try and show it in the capital.
Person No. 2: We live our life very fine, thank you, without any of your inventions!
[ The crowd starts to deteriorate into one big mess of a fight. ]
The Prophet:[Shouting] Hold on!
[ The crowd silences. ]
City Head: Who are you?
The Prophet: I am the Prophet. I can take you to the 21st century!
Person No. 3: Really? When is it going to be?
The Prophet: About 2,500 years from now.
[ The crowd rumbles for a while. ]
City Head: You know what? We’ll give it a shot.
The Prophet: OK.
[ He raises his hand, everybody suddenly re-appear in a modern 21st century city with tall buildings, and lots of cars. They are wearing modern clothes. ]
The Inventor: Wow! Tall buildings.
Person No. 2: Automatic Vehicles.
Person No. 1: Mass Production!
The Inventor: We would have never gotten this far in 2,500 years.
The Prophet: Yes, but the beauty of all this is that some things remained the same. For instance, do you see this building?
[ Cut to a view of a stock exchange agency. ]
The Prophet: This is a cathedral. And do you see this screen over there?
[ Cut to a big T.V. Screen. ]
The Inventor: The one with the moving pictures. What about it?
The Prophet: This is a bazaar.
[ The town folks all get excited. ]
Town Folks: Wow! Tell us more! What’s the equivalent of the gate around here? What is this?
The Prophet: This is some combination of a gate and a well…
[ A hip modern music is starting to sound and the screen fades into black. ]
[ Rehearse of part of the “Buy the Fish” scene, only in 2-D and with better music. Eventually, the camera zooms out to view the MTV logo on a T.V. Screen just in time to catch the fishmonger with the large fish. Then it says on the screen:
The Performer earned double platinum for his album “Songs of the Bazaar” with the mega-hit single “Buy the Fish”. ]
[ The Priest wrote an international best-seller titled The Altar-native way of investing in the stock exchange. ]
[ The inventor remained an inventor. He invented the “Supremium 6000”, the “Chuck-Chuckium 6000” and the “Semitici-tici-tacky 6000”. All those inventions made him a millionaire. ]
[ Gideon became the chief human-machine interaction engineer of IBM. ]
[ Cut. ]
[ The three well women (Vered, Meirav, and Hadas) are watching a shop’s window sipping soft-drinks. ]
Meirav: You know, 21st century rocks.
Hadas: Yeah, I could never go back.
Vered: Of course. But, you know: who is John Galt?
