Emma Watson getting interviewed for a software developer job [possible satire]

Interviewer: Hello Ms. Watson, your résumé indicates that you are under-qualified for a job here at Foobarbaznix Enterprise Software Enterprises, but we decided to give you a chance anyway. So why do you think we should hire you?

Emma Watson: Well, to be frank, I'm trying to get a lower-profile job now, in order to take a break after graduating from Brown University with a degree in English Literature, and I figured out learning how to code properly may prove to be a useful skill in this day and age.

Interviewer: English Literature, eh? What makes you think you are better than all the Computer Science grads we are hiring.

Emma Watson: Well, reportedly Dijkstra said that good programming requires good writing and reading skills, and that he prefers hiring students of English and other humane subjects over students of Computer Science, Mathematics or Electrical Engineering, because they tend to write better code.

Interviewer: So you've heard about Dijkstra, eh? "GOTO Statement Considered Harmful!", hah, hah!

Emma Watson: Well, that “considered harmful” choice of title was unfortunate (and was selected by Dijkstra’s editor), and he did not imply that GOTO statements should never be used. So please do not take it as gospel.

Interviewer: OK, back on topic: how much experience do you have in developing enterprise software?

Emma Watson: Not a lot, but I wrote some shell/Perl/Ruby/Python/etc. scripts, know how to make a good use of my smartphone and home computer, and have prepared some simple HTML, CSS and JavaScript/jQuery/etc. web pages, and I know the basics of how to use Git and GitHub (but I'm certainly not an expert in them).

Interviewer: So you don't have 5 years of experience in developing Java enterprise software?

Emma Watson: I'm afraid not, sir.

Interviewer: OK. Here's another thing: why do you wish to become a low-paid (for some values of low-paid) hired programmer, when it is well-known that you charge an obscene amount of money for each film you take part in?

Emma Watson: First of all note that I am being offered these sums in the first place. I'll gladly work for less if the screenplay is to my liking, but I'm considered attractive enough to warrant paying these "obscene" amounts.

Emma Watson: Anyway, the reason I'm seeking work as an underpaid software dev is because to paraphrase on the old Hollywood adage: “There are no small jobs - only small workers.”. A good and resourceful person will make the best out of even the least esteemed job, like the fact that a good waitress or waiter are friendly, express interest in the customers, take their job seriously, are well-groomed, and show genuine interest in the business.

Emma Watson: While I wouldn't object to work at a restaurant or a different place that sells decent-or-better food, I think that I can learn much more by becoming a coder. And like I said - I need a break.

Interviewer: I see… OK, next question, Ms. Watson: as you may well be aware of, you starred in the 8 Harry Potter films, despite the fact that they were criticised as not being good enough to capture the magic of the books. Why did you persist?

Emma Watson: Well, there are several reasons, but the main one is that for an actor, it is better to play well (or even not so well) in a bad film, than to not play at all. “Publish or Perish”, like they say in the Academia, is also true in the film industry, and, as you may well know, for the software world.

Interviewer: I see. Well, we pride ourselves on releasing industrial-strength and high-quality enterprise software.

Emma Watson: I see. OK, I think I’ve heard enough. I’m not going to work for you even for a thousand million dollars per month. I got a different offer from a nice consulting company as a Python/shell/Perl/etc. coder (you could say “code monkey”). While the monthly wage is not spectacular, it seems like a decent place to work while I'm taking a break from acting and modelling.

Interviewer: Fair enough, Ms. Watson, it was an interesting interview.

Emma Watson: That's one way to put it. I think I’ll go around your offices now, asking if anyone wants a signed photograph, to take a photo of me and them together, or just to chat a little.

Interviewer: I guess that would be acceptable. Just make it quick.