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Who will ride Princess Celestia next? [possible satire]

Text

Who will ride Princess Celestia next?

About this screenplay

Objective

[ Princess Celestia

«

As an example, we can imagine a young girl to write a funny screenplay using GitHub or Google Docs which pits Emma Watson vs. Kim Kardashian on who gets to ride Princess Celestia (= an intelligent, talking, pony horse) next, with Darth Vader and Haman as two "evil", but mutually hating one another, arbiters. Might seem ridiculous, but if I didn't want entertainment in my life, then I'd go watch grass grow. It will be a legal and "ethical" minefield, but I'd bet it'd be easier to follow and more entertaining than Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" was even shortly after LotR was written.

»

( — “Commercial Real Person Fan Fiction (RPFs), crossovers and parodies as 2021 geek/hacker imperatives for revitalising the film industry” )

Well, I'm a 44 years old man, but I accepted my own challenge… ]

Wrapper

Scary story

[ Discord, Applejack, Fluttershy, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders (= Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo) are sitting around a bonfire in Equestria at night. ]

Discord: Does everypony want to hear a scary story?

The rest: "yes", "sure"

Discord: Alright! So Emma Watson and Kim Kardashian were sitting on a bench at Rabin Square in Tel Aviv, going over their social media backlog.

Who will ride?

[ Emma and Kim are sitting and using their smartphones. ]

Emma: Hey Kim, check this out: “Basically, there were two sides to the world. There was the entire computer games software industry engaged in a tremendous effort to stamp out piracy, and there was Wobbler. Currently, Wobbler was in front.” [Reference: Terry Pratchett]

Kim: heh, good one.

[ Princess Celestia (= an intelligent, talking, pony horse) gallops behind the bench carrying a human boy on her back.

She stops and the boy unmounts. ]

Boy: thanks for the ride, your highness [he walks away].

Princess Celestia: my pleasure.

Emma: hey, Princess C, can I ride you now?

Kim: can I? I'll give you 1,000 dollars!

Emma: 2,000!

Kim: 3,000!

Princess Celestia: hold your ponies, guys. Let me summon some Evil arbiters.

Princess Celestia: Hey, Vader, please come here for a moment. [She whistles.]

[ Darth Vader and Haman enter the frame. ]

Vader: Greetings, your highness. How can Haman and I help?

Princess Celestia: Can you please decide who of Emma and Kim here is going to ride me first?

Vader: Sure… how about they do a Chess match?

Haman: Checkers! I hate Chess.

Vader: you do? Then how about Street Fighter II?

Haman: I prefer Mortal Kombat!

Vader: Next thing you'd tell me you don't like single-player card games, also known as "Solitaires"!

Haman: actually, I'm partial to Freecell…

Vader: Really? So am I!

Vader: OK, the first woman to have solved the first 1,000 Microsoft FreeCell deals …

Haman: …in order, and without using an automated solver!

Vader: yeah, - shall ride Princess Celestia next!

Kim: Sounds good.

[ Emma and Kim start playing. ]

Haman: by the way, Vader, I also like the Solitaire game Simple Simon.

Vader: Get out!

Vader: Haman, this seems like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

[ Vader and Haman walk away. ]

Discord's voice: Princess Celestia waited and waited.

Discord's voice: Actually, she waited for less than a minute, and then cast a spell that made Kim and Emma forget what they were competing for, opened a portal back to Equestria, and stepped through. [Princess Celestia is seen grinning and chuckling.]

Discord's voice: Emma and Kim kept playing Freecell for 10 more minutes, at which point Shlomi Fish came.

Shlomi: hey Kim, hey Em! Let's return to the con now.

Kim: not now, Shlomi. Emma and I are competing for who will solve the first 1,000 Microsoft FreeCell deals first. In order, and without using an automated solver.

Shlomi: Really? That should take you at least a few good hours. Surely you remember that from us collaborating on fc-solve [References: Emma Watson ; Kim Kardashian].

Emma: Yes, you're right. Kim, do you remember what we were competing for?

Kim: No…

Emma: Oh well… Let's head over back to the convention then.

[ They go. ]

Not scary but fun

[ Cut to the Equestrian bonfire. ]

Discord: and so we'll never know who would have solved the first one thousand Microsoft FreeCell deals first - Emma Watson or Kim Kardashian… muahahaha.

Apple Bloom: fun story, Uncle Discord, but it wasn't really scary.

Applejack: yeah! Not scary, but fun.

Discord: fair enough… I guess one should look at the full half of the glass.

[ He snaps his fingers, and a glass of juice with a straw materialises.

Discord drinks the bottom half, and the upper half floats in mid-air. ]

Fluttershy: I know a story… a joke… not scary, but hopefully fun and funny.

Fluttershy: So they hold a contest to see which intelligence agency can find a rabbit in a forest as quickly as possible… [Continuation]

Image Credits

[ * EvilPHish emblem by UserFriendly.org

* Princess Celestia still taken from mlp.wikia.com ]

Licence

[ Emblem: Shlomi Fish’s EvilPHish Emblem

This text is Copyright by Shlomi Fish, 2022 and is made available under the Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial Share-Alike 4.0 Unported Licence (CC-by-nc-sa) (or at your option - any later version). ]

Dedication

[ Dedication. ]

Coverage

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