Summer Glau Facts [possible satire]

Chuck Norris can only convince you that you're deceased. Summer Glau can also convince you that you're alive, which is much harder.

Summer Glau can hold and use a gun in each hand. There's no way that Jennifer Lawrence can hold and use a bow in each hand.

Summer Glau does not have to hurt you if she doesn't want to. Chuck Norris kills everyone in sight.

Summer Glau has better ways to make a difference than by being violent.

It takes Summer Glau exactly a minute to write a rebuttal like in xkcd: “Venting”, and she would sign it as Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’s ability to destroy is only matched (and exceeded) by Summer Glau’s ability to undo his destruction.

Whatever Chuck Norris taketh, Summer Glau giveth back.

Summer Glau can lead a horse to water, and then it will drink out of its own volition.

Chuck Norris was the 1,000,000,000th viewer of the Gangnam Style video on YouTube. Summer Glau was the preceding 100 million views.

Summer Glau can restore the people that Chuck killed, back to life.

Summer Glau can give you the Hug of Death, but you’ll die happy.

When it comes to terminators, you have a better shot at Arnold Schwarzenegger than at Summer Glau. (By inspiration from the Big Bang Theory episode with Glau as herself.)

Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems.

Chuck Norris can construct any logical expression using only AND gates. Summer Glau can replace Chuck with a very small AND gate.

Who would win in a fight? Charlemagne, Charles Dickens, Charles Darwin, or Carlos "Chuck" Norris? If Summer Glau was the arbiter, she would just kill all of them and declare herself the winner.

Chuck Norris round house kicks doors open instead of using their keys. Summer Glau makes sure doors are open using her mind.

Chuck Norris reinvented a better wheel. Summer Glau reinvented a better Chuck Norris.

Summer Glau just works here. She teaches Chuck Norris how to perform his chores in the best possible manner.

Summer Glau has a magic mirror in her room which she asks every day "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the awesomest of them all?" and if the mirror tells her it is someone else, she destroys it for daring to lie to her.

She’s still using the first mirror.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff and his deputy. Summer Glau became the new sheriff and shot Chuck Norris.

Summer Glau can kill you with her mind. But she’ll never need to or will.

Chuck Norris does expect the Spanish Inquisition. But he doesn’t expect Summer Glau.

When wishing to comment on a WordPress blog, Summer Glau finds a new zero-day WordPress SQL injection exploit, and uses it to insert the comment into the database directly, because it's more reliable than using the comment box.

On “Talk Like a Pirate Day”, ye be sailin’ across the great seas to seek the shore of Summer Glows and Summer Glaus. Arrrr!

Chuck Norris once refactored a 10 million lines C++ program and was done by lunch time. It then took Summer Glau 5 minutes to write the equivalent Perl 10-liner.

Summer Glau showed Kermit the Frog how easy it can be to be green.

By the time Chuck Norris found out who John Galt is, Summer Glau already had sex with him.

Summer Glau gave Richard III a horse free-of-charge and let him keep his kingdom for himself.

Summer Glau can get more with a kind word alone than Al Capone could with a kind word and a gun.

“I don't want to mess with Summer Glau, but I'll let her mess with me every day!”

Summer Glau can kill everyone else using her mind, and start a superior race. However, she finds inferior humans to be mildly entertaining and challenging.

If Chuck Norris were to screw hot babes (ex. Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Aniston, and Paris Hilton.) I can assure you that their acting careers will no longer prosper due to the fact that they will spend the rest of their lives in wheelchairs.

On the other hand, if he tried to “screw” Summer Glau, he'd be the one in the wheelchair.

Nobody dies except for the enemies of Summer Glau. But luckily she considers everyone her friend.

( Thanks to mst. )

Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems. And Chuck ain't one of them.

You can look at Summer Glau, but you’d better not touch…if you know what’s good for you.

Chuck Norris knows what the last digit of Pi is. Summer Glau has memorised all the preceding digits.

If you break up with Summer Glau, you will likely survive. However, be certain to have signed your will in advance, to be sure.