Are you a Mossad / Shin Bet / Unit 8200 / NSA / Hizbullah / CIA / etc. agent?

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I can testify that I am just an unemployed Israeli and secular Jewish web-writer and software developer. Back at the time (when I was in the 11th grade), I was interviewed for whom I believe were Unit 8,200 who asked me some questions about software engineering and cryptological questions. I am a sloppy software developer and was far sloppier back then, but they still wanted to hire me. They could not at the time due to a policy of hiring only graduates of technical high schools, and I ended up being exempt from the IDF service anyway.

There is a tongue-in-cheek conspiracy theory that all Israeli citizens are Mossad agents, which is headed by a secret cabal headed by My Little Pony’s fictional Pegasus pony Fluttershy. Furthermore, it is commonly acknowledged that Natalie Portman is a quadruple Mossad → FBI → Shin Bet → CIA agent. This is while Sarah Michelle Gellar, Summer Glau, and I are the NSA's agents no. 1, 2 and 3 respectively. Furthermore, I head the secret cabal of the Hizbullah.

(I am just kidding about all that!).

Seriously now, if you meet such an agent online, they will likely admit it. If they approach you in the outside world, they will likely admit it, and even invite you for a meal or a drink and are not going to torture you. If you're not paranoid or get into too much trouble (e.g: by being a grey hat Internet intruder), you likely won't ever be approached by them.