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Neo-Tech Advantage #52
PARENTS AS SCAPEGOATSMost people dutifully profess love toward their children and parents. But often the past and present psychological differences, irrationalities, conflicts, demands, and "duties" make genuine love and enjoyment between parents and their children impossible. An important step toward emotional growth is to realize that no one has a duty to love anyone, not even parents, children, husband, wife.
Genuine love occurs only voluntarily, through a mutual exchange of objective and emotional values. Genuine love between parents and children can and does occur in those relationships in which objective values grow and are exchanged. Occasionally, parents may be partially responsible for some problems experienced by certain adolescents and young adults. Too often, however, parents are blamed for their grown children's faults, defaults, sexual shortcomings, and other problems for which those grown children themselves are responsible. Blaming parents only hides or avoids the self-responsibilities and efforts needed to correct one's own personal problems.
Major problems between parents and children often develop from the parents' failure to respect their own children: their failure to treat children as human beings with individual rights. Parents, for example, commonly initiate force and physically assault their children under the euphemisms of spankings, protection, discipline. [Re: Concept 114, Neo-Tech Reference Encyclopedia.] If children are not granted respect, they may never develop respect for themselves, for their parents, or for values. Such children often develop into tomorrow's mystics and neocheaters. They then survive by usurping their living as politicians, trouble-making lawyers, destructive bureaucrats, criminals, theologians, media journalists, or educators who hold little or no respect for honesty.
By contrast, the two most valuable gifts parents can give their children are (1) respect as conscious beings with individual rights, and (2) environments that promote honesty, assertive effort, integrity, independence, and the skill to perceive reality accurately.