By 1982, the previously mighty provincial-Earth Ziyoonist empire was reduced to one remaining physical hellhole: Rockville, Maryland. Its almost undisputed master vampire was Jim Henson, head of The Muppeteers. All the remaining post-puberty vampires (including Queen Elizabeth II and Pope John Paul II) relocated to Rockville to become muppeteers and have their echoes mate with echoes of ones. Many of the pre-pubecent ones were physically scattered around the globe to delay slaying one another and the Muppeteers.
The NSA had moved its headquarters to Fort Meade, which is about 40 kilometres away from Rockville. Rockville also housed the National Institutes of Health ( NIH ).
The fuckers determined that Jim Henson is going to be the last-standing-vampire of "the provincial-Earth Ziyoonism age". Joss Whedon asked the orcs "what's next?" and they settled on using the international postal service to connect between the Muppeteers (except for Henson who was kept out of the loop) and "dispellers" outside Rockville. ("You can more easily control television and computer networks but not the Postal service as easily.") [Static Web Sites] These dispellers were:
Vampires.
Female.
Below 12 or 13 years old (so below puberty).
Above 4 years old or 5 years old or so, so false prophets can credibly believe they can read and write coherently.
Located at the USA or the British Isles.
Some dispellers I can readily recall are:
Samantha Smith 1972-born so ~10 years old. Hailing from Maine, church-going, and writing her letters by hand. Humble, conscientious, timid [= careful but making steady progress despite feeling fear].
Melissa Joan Hart (MJH) - the 1976 born "computer wiz girl", who used a dot matrix printer. I think she was living in Florida at the time.
Somewhat selfish, ambitious, rash, hastey, opportunistic, and brave.
(References: Ambassador Hart ; “It doesn't take a witch to fix this computer…”)
Clarissa Darling - likely 1974-1976-born. A “The Theory of Everything” brainiac. Clarissa avoids physical peril and discomfort as much as possible, while delighting in nonviolent battles of wits. She likes to flaunt her knowledge, and unverified hypotheses.
( Reference #1 )
Sarah Michelle Gellar (SMG) - as a 1977-born Jewish girl, Sarah believed that her father abandoned her mother and herself, who were both living in relative poverty in Manhattan. She spent just enough time on her scholastic responsibilities to will have graduated from high school and get her mother's echo off her back, and spent the rest of her time happily donating love, time, and money to others and herself.
Kind, yet domineering and "pushy", and believes planning and having backup plans are good ideas.
Cher [ Horowitz? ] - born 1971-1978. Hailing from Beverly Hills, Cher was a Jewish American Princess, and a self-conscious and “damn proud of it” one. Only with a heart of gold. She spent large amounts of time (and significant amounts of money), helping her friends or trying to make them happier / more entertained.
Cher was a 20th-century take [and a direct-female-descendent] of the Queen-of-Sheba, and both were notorious for their generousity, flaunting their wealth, and frivolousness. Cher organised many parties and other social events, and given she accumulated a lot of "stuff", and clothes, she usually agreed to give them away on the spot.
Selina [ Hope ] Jones→Mandrake - a 1977-1978-born girl, likely living in Britain. Became the youngest dropout. Christened “Selena”, she was so annoyed by thinking that the fellow Greek kids pronounced her name as “Séléna” while Israeli ones pronounced it “right” that she: [1] changed its spelling [2] developed conspiracy hypotheses about how the ancient Greek philosophers (= educators / entertainers) stole their best ideas from the Israelites and the ancient Jews.
Nicknamed “Sel”, Selina had a penchant for selling fun services and products to people she knew or just met, often after haggling (and often to negative prices).
( Reference )
Buffy (*) - the real Buffy was a wizard-born girl or woman, who was chosen by Henson to co-slay him, the “last standing vampire” of the “Provincial Earth Ziyoonism” era. I think she was physically relocated to Maryland, close to Rockville and Fort Meade, to simplify logistics.
( I think they were all awesome, and I have tried to emulate them all. )
You'd think the Postal service would use regular Air Mail to connect them and The Muppeteers to each and every one. Hah! Not on your life! They used supersonic military jet planes, each carrying Xeroxed copies, dropped from the air and delivered at the doorsteps by motorcyclists. “Only the best for the baddest.” ( Reference ). The recipients were startled by the aeroplanes' thuds at first, but soon associated the incoming jets with incoming letters. [Jet logistics]
I also suspect that, in order to prevent the underage vampires from hitting puberty, there was a "1 week <=> 2 hours" or "1 week <=> 1 day" or "2 weeks <=> 1 day" time slowdown.
Corresponding with the girls, The vampire Muppeteers soon realised that their crudely produced shows and films were remastered and broadcast internationally ( and beyond! ). Arnold Schwarzenegger, who was among the three core Muppeteers each understood that the other two were trying to advocate Commercial Real Person Fan Fiction (RPFs), crossovers and parodies (which were tolerated and encouraged in the non terrestrial universe), as well. Moreover, they all had antagonism toward the terrestrial "Hollywood-blessed screenplay format" (which was neither popular nor mandated). They also realised they were rich, famous, and that their terrestrial hells "real world"s were lies.
All the remaining vampires were slain by Jim Henson.
The dispellers understood the different strategies of each other and the Muppeteers. Eventually, the dispellers all wrote their own variation of a parodical, fanficcy, screenplay titled Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS). Samantha Smith's copy arrived first, because she wrote it by hand and due to Maine's relative proximity to Rockville. It described an underage girl who happily slew demons and made them her friends. It also sported this power quote:
I just slew three mighty Vulcan vampire warriors who have watched Sesame Street. This decade seems-to-be shaping up very nicely so far.
( Reference )
The adult Muppeteers and other post-puberty false prophets read the screenplay, smiled/laughed/cried/etc. and had it directed, produced, and broadcast. The underage false prophet girls (including the dispellers, the toddler ones, and those living in non-anglophone countries) and underage false prophet boys watched it and ascended as well (including my slayer template who was ~5 years old at the time).
The two mighty superpowers that Samantha Smith ( &co. ) slew as a child were not the USSR and the USA, but Provincial Earth Ziyoonism and The Muppeteers!
[It was not all roses]The story of Jim Henson is continued here.
[Static Web Sites] In a sense, static web sites, including shlomifish.org, joelonsoftware.com, paulgraham.com, xkcd, and Ozy and Millie, were the "Web 2.0" parallel to the Postal Service of 1982. ( Reference )
Moreover, during "World War II", the Satans had required that, in order to be delivered verbatim, Aharon Fish’s letters to Adolf Hitler, a vampire whom he was destined to slay, will not be delivered by aeroplanes or telegraph means - only by automobiles.
[Jet logistics] The devils ruled against the jets using cross-distance portals, which are commonly used in non-terrestrial military training.
I also think the jets used a star topology, with Maryland as the centre.
[It was not all roses] It was not all roses. See "hospitalised in a closed psychiatric ward".
I also suspect Henson was made to believe that the real Buffy was killed, not unlike the terrestrial assassination of Christina Grimmie in 2016.