Why Openly Bipolar People Should Not Be Medicated

Alan Turing is known as one of the fathers of theoretical computer science, and he also played an instrumental role in protecting Britain against the attacks of the German Nazi forces during WWII.

However, Turing is also remembered that because he was openly gay, he was forced to be treated with medication to resolve his homosexuality, was hospitalised and eventually was led to commit suicide.

In 2019, most developed countries accept homosexual and bisexual individuals as fully sane and acceptable, and do not try to medicate the homosexuality out of them. Here in Israel, openly gay, bisexual and lesbian individuals are subject to the same rights and responsibilities as straight individuals, and while a few issues are still a matter of unresolved debate, a gay person can lead a fully normal and healthy life, without being sedated and medicated.

But it’s not all roses.

I have had Major depressive disorders and Hypomanias and even one major Mania and several shorter manias. This is documented on my homesite and other online social media writing.

Now here is a revelation:

post-WWII :: Turing :: homosexuality <=> 2019 :: Me (= Shlomi Fish) :: Hypomanias

And I have been medicated and sedated with harmful drugs and now hospitalised in a psychiatric ward, where my access to the outside world is an interconnected Windows 7 computer full of malware, instead of the better managed GNU/Linux desktop boxes I can use at home, along with all my online accounts, which I’d rather not access here (for security reasons).

A committee of several experts has made me stay in the ward for several two week segments, trying to rehabiltate me, while I would be happier and receive better therapy in my room at home. I missed Rosh Hashanah and International Talk Like a Pirate Day - two of my favourite holidays and I am about to miss Yom Kippur and Sukkot, which sports the ICon Festival which I find very inspiring.

Someone asked me if I feel I am comparable to Turing. Well, according to my Résumé as a writer and entertainer I am even comparable to such historical great people as Larry Wall (who is also quite obscure), Sesame Street , Buffy the Vampire Slayer , The Beatles , and other hacker monarchs.

Right now I am playing the old "fox-in-the-hens’-coop" motif like the biblical Joseph in prison, or Summer Glau in Summerschool at the NSA , in which case what happens when you put a Great Hacker/Action Hero in a secluded place with many minor hackers, and several lazy "I just work here" people who do their job in the worst possible manner, is not a crashed great hacker, but instead many happy hackers workers who are happy to provide their customers with royalty service, even if they are not paid a lot to do it, and many hacker or great hacker inmates.

If you’re into contemporary music, you likely have heard of Taylor Swift, a very successful singer-songwriter who is known for her interesting narrated lyrics, positively extravagant and mind-blowing videos, constant philantropism (which does not prevent her from becoming richer), and a rich YouTube culture of youtubers who cover her songs, parody them, remix them, and comment on them. I realised that she became a Hacker Monarch - one of several by the time I and other freenodeers joked about her suing Apple Inc. for using the "Swift" trademark for Apple Swift.

Now here is a revelation: based on the lyrics to Swift’s hit song "Shake It Off": "I stay up too late" , "got nothing on my brain" it seems that she is often hypomanic but instead of battling it, she enjoys it as she is more creative, more energetic, more insightful and more socialable and interesting.

Hypomania has been believed to be treatable with medication, just like homosexuality in Turing’s time, but I pretty much know the medication only causes many harmful side-effects, and in my case increasingly deprives me of physical energy. My parents thought that using these drugs allowed me to graduate from a B.Sc. in EE in the Technion. Hoerver, not only did they not help, but I now know that these were the 6 and a half most soul destroying, unproductive, useless, and uninspiring years of my life.

That was because the only reason I continued to learn there was because I wanted to get the diploma so I’ll get more lucrative, higher paying, jobs. If I studied in the Technion or elsewhere, because it was fun, and to expand my horizons, or become a more effective writer / software developer / amateur philosopher / entertainer , then it would be less of a torture.

In this day and age people can learn enough about all that by starting from my homesite - www.shlomifish.org and following the text of the essays, stories and screenplays, and links. While it took me a long time to hone my skills to my level, I wish future people who wish to try to emulate me, to have an easier time. I may be a badass writer and entertainer, but given that I know I should "Publish or Perish" and love to share my wisdom and knowledge anyway, and wish people to learn from my mistakes and my successes.

Most of my screenplays, stories, bits, factoids, the few videos I have on YouTube (which are very lame compared to the videos of Taylor Swift, but they are a start), my tweets etc. were inspired by thoughts I had during hypomanias, and I quite enjoy it.

Sometimes I get into periods of mild depressions during which I like to code a lot and to chat less passionately and philosophically on IRC. Or I get into "deep work mode" when I write or refactor / transition a lot of code or churn a large amount of text. These are also ok.

Taylor Swift should not be worried from being medicated for being Bipolar. She may do "strange" things such as:

Policemen are unlikely to detain her, and she can use social engineering and benevolent psychological warfare so they just give her a ride back home, or leave her alone while thinking that her behaviour just "comes with the territory".

Perhaps I have mischaracterised Ms. Swift here, but the point is that these behaviours, although eccentric, unconventional, and non-conformist are perfectly logical, and I will do the same if I were a wealthy bipolar person.

However, I am not so lucky.

In the break after my second Technion semester, I started writing The One With The Fountainhead - which is a parodical crossover of Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead and the Friends T.V. show, and which is one of the funniest, most politically incorrect, and yet some people’s favourite of my screenplays.

Moreover, I corresponded with my friend Omer Zak and we came up with the opening meme to the Summerschool at the NSA effort.

All of this made me maniacal and out of control and I came up with an imaginary reality where Star Trek DS9, Buffy, Sabrina, CEIA Neo-Tech, various characters from Judaism , some of their actors, and some of my own friends and relatives, were real and integrated together, and believed this was true.

I had done a lot of crazy stuff during my mania, but eventually a psychiatrist asked me if I thought if it sounded logical that I could read other people’s minds, and I told him it didn’t. As a result, I snapped out of the mania.

Afterwards, I have been treated with harmful drugs that had many side effects, and did not prevent future hypomanias or other mood swings. Furthermore, my hypomanias were incredibly productive for me resulting in stuff I placed on my homesite - and on other social media sites, and which many similar minded hackers (both male and female) enjoyed, complimented me for it, thought they were funny, or alternatively thought they were blasphemous (which indicates they were true).

But the people who wanted me to be "mentally healthy" told me these things were irrational, wrong, "schema-driven" and that they were nonsense and that I should not give them weight.

They were wrong! They were insightful, fresh, and endured their time.

Now, while I have suffered from many harmful antipsychotics - it may still be fixed but what if instead of these harmful legal drugs, I would have been treated with good therapy, possibly Cognitive behavioral therapy or more preferably Saladin-style benevolent therapy.

How many potential Taylor Swifts were forced to be a "Shlomi Fish" like me, who despite all was very productive and insightful, or were just hospitalised and sedated and fought against by mediocre minds, who think conformism is mental health, while it is the opposite. Furthermore, conformism leads to Nazi-style "Superior orders" / The "Nuremberg defense", including the "I just work here" small minded attitude which leads to sadism and vandalism and loss of lives and property that took a lot of effort to construct by hard working, enthusiastic individuals.

So I say: "do what you want, not what you feel you must. The choice is in your hands. Whatever you do, I’ll accept that." These words go back at least to Moses, were exemplified by Saladin and were extended and conveyed by greater and greater "memes" including Taylor Swift’s "Shake it Off" song and the somewhat more established "Highway to Hell" song by AC/DC (these are both links to two of my favourite covers of them).