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Shlomi Fish and Friends’ Additions to the Chuck Norris/Etc. Facts

About

Additions to the collections of Factoids about people and things (e.g: Chuck Norris) in Unix fortune format.

The Fortunes Themselves

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #1

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Chuck Norris wrote a complete Perl 6 implementation in a day, but then destroyed all evidence with his bare hands, so no-one will know his secrets.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #2

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Chuck Norris refactors 10 million lines of Perl code before lunch.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #3

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Chuck Norris is his own boss. If you hire him, he'll tell your boss what to do.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #4

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Chuck Norris read the entire English Wikipedia in 24 hours. Twice.

( Actually, he wrote it in 24 hours. Twice. The first time longhand in blood. The second time he typed it in from memory (by Drew Roberts). )

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish

Kattana's Chuck Norris Fact #5

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Chuck Norris does not code; when he sits at a computer, it just does whatever he wants. (By: Kattana.)

Author Kattana
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Daxim's Chuck Norris Fact #6

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Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN server's head.

Author Daxim
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Su-Shee's Chuck Norris Fact #7

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Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes. (Su-Shee)

He corrects God. (Shlomi Fish)

Author Su-Shee and Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #8

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Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire Debian GNU/Linux distribution. And he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack breaks.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Araujo's Chuck Norris Fact #9

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Chuck Norris doesn't commit changes, the changes commit for him.

Author Araujo
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #10

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Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris' computer. As a result, when he uses Microsoft Windows, it behaves just like a Linux system.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #11

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Chuck Norris is a real programmer. He writes programs by implementing the most optimised machines for them using real atoms.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #12

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Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles that they consider lame.

Chuck Norris deletes Deletionists whom he considers lame.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

joeyadams's Chuck Norris Fact #13

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There are no deletionists. Only Wikipedia articles Chuck Norris allows to live. (By: joeyadams)

Author joeyadams
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

joeyadams's Chuck Norris Fact #14

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Wikipedia deletionists don't delete lame Wikipedia articles. Chuck Norris deletes lame Wikipedia articles.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #15

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No one knows all of Perl - not even Larry Wall. Except Chuck Norris, who knows all of Perl 5, Perl 6 and can answer questions about the design of Perl 7.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #16

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Chuck Norris reads all messages posted to LKML (= the Linux Kernel Mailing List), understands them all, and he kills all gnomes he sees in sight.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #17

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When Chuck Norris uses Gentoo, "emerge kde" finishes in under a minute. A computer cannot afford to keep Chuck waiting for too long.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #18

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Chuck Norris is the greatest man in history. He killed all the great men who could ever pose a competition.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #19

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"My only boss is God. And Chuck Norris who is his boss."

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #20

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Chuck Norris can make the statement "This statement is false." a true one.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #21

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Chuck Norris can end world hunger, but he thinks that hungry people make humanity a more challenging adversary. If everyone had enough to eat, it would be too easy for him.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #22

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Chuck Norris can read Perl code that was RSA encrypted.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #23

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Chuck Norris once wrote a 10 million lines C++ program in Microsoft Notepad without having to use the backspace key. And it compiled without errors or warnings, and was 100% bug-free.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #24

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If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will go to the mountain. If the mountain will not come to Chuck Norris, then the mountain will suffer Norris’s wrath for not complying with his whims.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s Chuck Norris Fact #25

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Chuck Norris has 0 messages in his E-mail inbox. Including already read ones.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Chuck Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #1

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XSLT is the worst thing since non-sliced bread.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #2

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Mothers used to tell their children stories about XSLT to scare them.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #3

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XSLT is the number one cause of programmers' suicides since Visual Basic 1.0.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #4

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The X in XSLT stands for eXtermination.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #5

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The only things worse than XSLT are Excel and Sugar-Less Tea (XSLT).

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #6

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XSLT is what Chuck Norris has nightmares of.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #7

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Confucius says: "XSLT made me realise humanity was hopeless.".

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Zuu's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #8

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Even APL won't make friends with XSLT.

Author Zuu
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #9

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God considered using XSLT as the tenth plague of Egypt, but then thought it was too evil.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #10

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In Soviet Russia, XSLT codes you. Badly!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #11

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Satan condemned Hitler for a million years of writing XSLT.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #12

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The KGB used to torture their victims by having them look at scrolling XSLT code.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #13

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"My name is Inigo Montoya. You forced my father to write XSLT. Prepare to die! And be thankful I don't force you to write XSLT."

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #14

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Stray XSLT code causes more deaths than road accidents.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #15

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil redirects to XSLT.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Larry Wall Facts

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  • Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.
  • Larry Wall gets the colon.
  • There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.
  • Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.
  • Larry Wall dreams in Perl.
  • Larry Wall can program in his sleep.
  • Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.
  • Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomif Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts"

Larry Wall Facts No. 2

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  • Larry Wall does know all of Perl. However, he pretends to be wrong or misinformed, so people will think he's not as awesome as he really is.
  • Larry Wall's pure-Perl code is faster than Assembly.
  • Larry Wall has been changing the world. By modifying its very source code.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomif Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts"

Shlomif Fish’s "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #16

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We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear has nothing to fear but XSLT.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends

Larry Wall Facts No. 3

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  • Larry Wall can make shit up, and the computer will understand what he means.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomif Fish’s “Larry Wall Facts”